Thursday, January 29, 2009

I'll let you whip me if I miss behave

No this isn't a post about our recent sexcapades. This is a post about our Super Bowl bet. So the bet is in 3 parts. Let me back up a bit first. Steve and I have made a bet for the Super Bowl. We decided to play on points. I have the Cardinals at +7 and he has Shittsburgh at -7. This means that Shittsburgh has to win by MORE THAN 7 points in order for him to win the bet. Even if the final score is 21-20 Shittsburgh, I still win the bet. The way I figure it though, no matter who wins the bet, I still end up a winner!!
Part 1: The loser is the winner's slave for the day. This can be done in whatever capacity the winner decides. Maid, chauffeur, personal chef, errand boy, etc, etc. You name it, the other person must do it. And since I'll be moving soon, the bet happens at the most opportune time for me!
Part 2: The winner gets to write a post about the "slave day" on both of our blogs with NO editing by the slave...err...loser. (Steve added this AFTER the initial bet was already placed btw. Typical Steerlers fan! Always bending the rules their way!)
Part 3: The winner gets to write a post to the loser's blog about ANYTHING. I'm sure if I lose, you ladies will be reading about how to get more storage out of your home computer *yawn*. And if he loses...well let's just say that the techie geeks that normally read his blog will learn a lot more about women then they EVER wanted to know. *evil laughter*. There is a catch though:There will be no editing or deleting of said post by the loser.
So that's it. Those are the terms. Sure its not being parading through the local pubs wearing just a #75 Shittsburgh jersey and my CFMPs (crap! Just gave him an idea) but it leaves A LOT to the winner's imagination. Oh and my dear, sweet BF did put one other condition on the whole blog post thing: no naked pictures! CHICKEN!!! Guess he knows he's gonna lose and well...yeah, he knows me ALL too well! *evil laughter*

Welcome to the disclaimer!

I have this 'friend' (and NO its NOT me), let's call my Friend, Ross. So Ross also has a blog. Normally Ross posts about techy stuff or cycling stuff....stuff that I don't always understand, but I read it anyhow. I once asked Ross why he never blogged about personal stuff. He said that going through a horrible divorce wasn't really enjoyable to read. Although, I think it may help other guys get out of unhappy marriages with complete Douche Bags, but that wasn't the initial intent of his blog.
Fast forward 9 months. So now Ross has a GF, we'll call her Rachel. For the first time, he's genuinely happy and has started to intermix a few personal posts with his normal 'guy' stuff. Well, apparently in a recent post, a reader became offended. The reader, we'll call him Chandler, says that Ross blogs too much about his sexcapades with his Rachel and that EVERYONE is getting tired of reading about it. Yet when confronted about who else thinks this way, Chandler just says "I don't want to get into it with you". Now then, why bring it up in the first place? I didn't know that someone else's happiness was offensive to others. I've read the posts, there is nothing offensive in them. Ross may make an innuendo, but he NEVER talks about specifics or positions or anything else, but "wow, had a great 'workout' " And let's face it, if you're not breaking a sweat during sex, you're just not doing it right!!! I'd much rather have sex for 45 minutes, then go to the gym and run on a treadmill like a hamster for 45 minutes. Call me easy, but I'm gonna get it while I still can.
I'm going to leave you with some wise words from The Offspring:
ladies and gentlemen
welcome to the disclaimer
that's right the disclaimer
this american apple pie institution
known as parental discretion
will cleanse any sense of innuendo or sarcasm
from the lyrics that might actually make you think
and will also insult your intelligence at the same time
so protect your family
this album contains explicit depictions
of things which are real
these real things are commonly known as life
so if it sounds sarcastic don't take it seriously
if it sounds dangerous
do not try this at home or at all
and if it offends you just don't listen to it

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Pull my hair and ride my ass!

I have been inspired today. Inspired by a Dirty Pirate Hooker of all people. She has made me tingle in naughty places and has caused me to shutter and drool uncontrollably. We are speaking of course about the famed "laminated lists" .

For those of you who don't know or didn't watch, the laminated list grew in pop culture thanks to "Friends" . This is a list of 5 people (usually celebrities) that if you ever met and had the chance, would fuck with no consequences from your significant other. It would have to be consensual sex between the two people, but please, who wouldn't want this!

Over the years my list has changed quite a bit. Some people have gone from number 5 to number 1, other's like my forever loved Robert Smith has been dropped. WHAT?!?!? Goth kids can have dreams too! So I submit for your reading pleasures my current Laminated List* in no particular order *subject to change at a moments notice* =)

Russell Brand If you've seen Forgetting Sarah Marshall, I don't need to say anything further. If you haven't, what rock have you been living under? Let's just start with the accent. I KNOW!!! He's funny, he can sing and the body....*shutters* He is definitely shag-able. See these shackles Baby, I'm your slave!!!

Jason Statham He isn't called Handsome Rob for nothing! I first noticed his "acting ability" in Snatch where he played Turkish. It was funny and gritty and well, began my love affair with Jason. Of course some of his movies aren't as good as others, but I watch them all waiting on the edge of my seat for him to take his shirt off and kick the living shit out of someone. *sigh* Now that's a real man!!! Oh Jason, just lay there and let me lick the sweat off your rock hard abs after you work out!!! No, no shh, shh, don't talk, just let me drool all over you!!!

Taye Diggs he helped Stella Get Her Groove Back and I KNOW he could help me get mine (if I ever lost it)!! He is all sorts of chocolaty goodness! You know what they say!!! Sucks, his wife is super smoking hot! That's ok. What's not to love about Taye? He's hot!...ok, duh. He can sing, he can act, he's got a GREAT body, (noticing a trend yet), he smart (graduated from Syracuse) and has a sense of humor (did you catch him on Will and Grace?) I could spend an entire week on white sandy beaches with him. Well that and drinks with little umbrellas in them!

Hugh Jackman, aka/Logan aka/Wolverine aka/People's Sexiest Man Alive 2008!!! Ok, where do I start...perhaps with a cold shower. He's tall (6'2") dark and handsome!!! He looks hot scruffy and clean cut. Not many men can pull this off. (the only other one I know is my Steven!!) And have you seen him in his leather Wolverine outfit?!?! Baby, that thing would NEVER come off...ok maybe never say never. He sings, he cooks, he's got a great body, he's romantic and he's a total family man. Watching him in X-Men, I have never wanted to be a mutant so much in my life!! Sad that Master P and I watch your movies for two totally different reasons. I'm a very bad Mommy and should be punished. I'll let you whip me if I miss behave. Hello Wolfie!!! =D

Kat Von D. MEOW!!! Yes, I realize its a girl. I NEVER said that the list couldn't contain someone of the same sex. Come on she's hot! She's naturally cute, a little quirky and has ink...Hmm remind you of your favorite Irish Girl?!? =D And the fact that she's dating Nikki Sixx and there's a possibility of getting some of that action too, makes her even hotter. Not to mention that the thought of free ink is very enticing. I know what Steve is thinking....3 some!!! And you'd be right baby!!! I would definitely switch teams for her!! I would be her little bitch. Oh my Kitty Kat, girls just wanna have fun and oh what fun we could have. By day, just me and you on the beach or rocking out to Motley Crue. And of course at night....whoops sorry, went to a weird place didn't I?

So there you have it my loyal readers. My laminated list for January 28th 2009! Please help a stalker....errr...girl out, if you happen to run into any of my fab 5, give 'em my number! So who are you stalking?!?!

Steve's a model

Ashlee sent this email to Daylene and myself this morning. Before I show you the email, a little background. My BF's name is Steve and Daylene's hubbie's name is Steve. Laughter insued!

A: I didn’t realize Steve was a model now! When did that happen?

Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Ramblings on the Farm

I present for your enjoyment snippets of converstaion between Ashlee and myself.

M: So, OMG, on the cover of my Shape magazine last month was Faith Hill. Not fair!! She's had 3 kids AND has 6-pack abs. *pouts*
A: Yes, but she can also afford a personal chef, she can afford to buy stuff like fruits and vegetables and she has a personal trainer at home.
M: Its just NOT FAIR!!! She has Tim McGraw AND 6-pack abs! *stuffs face with chocolate*
A: Did you just say Tim MaCraw???
M: No, I said Tim Mc Graw, my mouth is just full of chocolate raisins!

A: You know, when I first started Jen told me to watch out cuz you don't always take you happy pills.
M: Well just so you know, I take them on Sunday, Monday, Wednesdays and Fridays.
A: No wonder we have electric lunches on Fridays.

A: Man, I'm gonna need to go clothes shopping pretty soon.
M: Well you have lost a lot of weight.
A: I mean look at these pants, they look like I took a big ol dump in them.
M: Ewww, you doodied in your pants!

A: So last night B asked me if I have my period at night or in the morning.
M: Isn't it usually all day?
A: No he meant when do I start. I told him that it can depend but its usually light when it starts. B said to make sure to tell him cuz he doesn't want to wake up in a pool of blood.
M: Are you kidding me? Its not like you spring a leak and spurt like some horror movie.
A: That's what I told him, but he says he gonna sleep in the other room so it doesn't get him.
M: Yes cuz blood has a mind of its own and may attack him in the middle of the night and turn him into a zombie.

Monday, January 26, 2009

I've had an epiphany

I just want to share a snippet of emails that my Loving BF and I have had since I last blogged about God and sports. In the midst of these emails, I had an epiphany. I believe that with scientific, irrefutable evidence, we can pinpoint precisely when God started to take an interest in sports. Therefore, making my prior post obsolete. Or at the very least has made me reconsider thanking God the next time I do my crow pose perfectly in yoga!

BF: Oh well... you can't account for the lemmings that believe any and everything that is told to them! If it were the case that God cared who won then how would the Russians (former USSR, really) ever have won anything? They were (are) atheists so God could have never have been on their side... =D

IG: Russians (former USSR, really) ever have won anything? They were (are) atheists so God could have never have been on their side This would explain the 1980 Winter Olympics where the USA beat the Russians (USSR) in hockey!

BF: Yes but in the years the USSR participated in Ice Hockey (1960 - 1988) they won the gold 7 of 9 times!!!

IG: Yes, but I'm sure even God got tired of watching the atheists win and that's when he stepped in. So I guess, we could logically pinpoint God's interaction with sports to the 1980 Winter Olympics! It wasn't a called a Miracle for nothing! =D

No, it's God's water!

Ok, so this post has absolutely nothing to do with water, but I LOVE Super Troopers and I try to work in quotes from that movie into my daily conversation. So sue me! ( And yes, I do have the need to pistol whip someone when I hear the word "Shenanigans") This post is actually more about God. Not so much God, himself, rather the fact that God really has nothing to do with your team winning the game or not. With the Super Bowl (Go CARDS) *excuse me, I sneezed* less than a week away, I thought I would take this time to address an issue that has been bugging me for years. But first I'd like to thank God for allowing me to post this and to score that winning touchdown! *points up to sky, tears in eyes*
I'm not an extremely religious person. I do believe in a God and Goddess and that karma is a bitch. I don't go to church on a regular basis, but I don't judge those who do. What I do have a problem with are the athletes who after they hit a home run, make a touchdown, get a hat trick or win the game, thank God. So are you really telling me that God prefers one team over the other?? REALLY?? That God prefers LeBron James to Kobe Bryant? Ok, sure we can argue that they have "God given talent" I'll give you that one. However, it was through years of dedication and coaching that helped professional athletes to develop and hone their skills. Why aren't they thanking their parents for giving up Saturday Mornings, Friday Nights and week nights for practices and games? Why not thank the coaches and staff who get paid minimum wage with little to no overtime, cuz they do it for the love of the game? And speaking of that, why don't some of these players take some of their $5.76 million/year contracts and go buy equipment for their Elementary, Middle or High Schools?
Sorry, got off on a rant. I'm just saying that I doubt God really cares. Sunday is the day of rest, is it not? I'd like to think that God is off doing something better with his time then deciding whether the Miami Dolphins or the Minnesota Vikings should win. And how would God decide anyhow? A flip of the coin? Whoever prayed the hardest the night before? Whoever attended church the most or didn't beat his wife? The team that has the best looking uniforms?
This Sunday, will it be Kurt Warner and the Cardinals? Will it be Ben Roethilisberger and the Steelers? Can't wait to see which huge foam finger God is waving on Sunday! (pretty sure it won't be a towel!)

Sunday, January 25, 2009

Support the twins!

I want to first start out by saying, what does Victoria Secret have against women who are bigger than a 34B?? Of course when I do find a $65 bra that I like, its NEVER in my size! Do they think that only the flat chested girls like to wear cute, frilly bras? Does VS think that "fat" girls only want to wear beige, black or some God awful yellow color?? I want something cute and sexy and have more than just 3 colors to choose from! Which brings me to the point of this post.
I recently purchased some new "everyday" bras from VS. Go figure, the ones I liked (and actually in my size) only came in black and light pink. Fine! I'll take one of each. (Let me interject for one second. In my bras I require support and A LOT of it. I don't just want an underwire, I want an under-shelf. And because I'm active with Master P, I need something that is going to cover and keep the girls in snug.) You can imagine my hesitation when the bras I fell in love with only come in demi-cups. (For those of you who don't know, demi-cups are the invention of Satan. They only cover half the breast and with movement, you end up looking like you have 4 boobs. While this may seem and look exciting to you men, I find it rediculous to have to keep pushing the girls back down when they start popping up like Punxsutawney Phil looking for his shadow on Groundhog's Day!) But I get them anyway.
The other day, I'm doing my normal Saturday thing in my newly acquired VS bra. I'm dusting and vaccuming and playing with Master P. Well in the midst of bending over to pickup a Matchbox car, one of the girls tries to make a run for it. Not only did she make a run for the border, but I was wearing a loose t-shirt, so you could easily see right down it when bent over. She was winking. Headlight on for safety! (If you know what I mean) WTF?? I mean come on! How can you, Miss Victoria sleep with yourself at night? You charge me $45 for half a bra that doesn't even do its job! Is it just me? Does anyone else have this problem? I'm seriously thinking of going down to my local Lowe's and purchasing duct tape to keep the twins in. It would be a Hell of a lot cheaper!

Friday, January 23, 2009

Wii Mii

Let me clear one thing up real quick before I tell you how much I hate the Wii Fit!

Brandon this is for you: Ahem. Brandon, the Wii is not code for "wine". It is not some new text acronym or inside joke that Ashlee and I share. It is a video console. And a Mii is you in Wii land. Its not a new flavor of dessert wine like a Riesling. I'm glad we cleared that up!

Now that we are all on the same page allow me to bitch for a moment. Steven bought a Wii Fit a few days ago. One of the "cool" things about the Wii Fit is that it will do a body analysis on you. Check your BMI, your weight and even tell you what your "real age" is. I was super excited to try this out. I'm not a total health nut....ok I'm a friggin carb-aholic!!! But I'm not a complete slacker either. I like to stay in shape, so I thought I would do really well on the test. *evil laughter*

Step #1 Check your BMI, enter your age, height & weight....BMI 22, sweet! I'm normal.

Step#2 Turns into a scale and calculates your weight....don't even ask!

Step#3 Do a series of balance tests. Let me just interject here....This sounds easy but is rather difficult. You have to apply the right amount of pressure to each leg and try to get a red dot in the center and well after some wine and an electric lunch...we all can see where this is going. I pretty much have the balance of 9 month old just learning to walk!

Step #4 Calculates Myy Wii age *drum roll*......45!! WTF YOU STUPID MACHINE!!! There is NO WAY my real age is 12 years more than my actual age. I'm pretty sure that Mii fainted when the age was announced. Fuck You Wii, I'm doing it again....44. BASTARD!!! I'm competative and stubborn, so you guessed it, one more time. Concentrate Irish, you can do this. I close 1 "drunken" eye, stand up straight, tummy in and redo the balance tests again.....37. *flip off inanimate object* Fuck You Wii!!! I need more wine!!! I'm also pretty sure that the Wii Fit just told me "37" to get my fat ass off it. It was a pity age.

Oh and did I mention that based off your weight, it changes the shape of your Mii??? Oh yes and I'm pretty sure that when I stepped on the Wii, it groaned. ASSHOLE!!! Now I know the Wii was created by a man. No woman in her right mind would tell your true weight or make you older then what you actually are!! Fuckk Youu Wii!!!!!

Thursday, January 22, 2009

Update: You're still a Prick

Cuz I know you all are on the edge of your collective seats saying "Hey, Irish, we just can't continue with our lives without knowing what happened to the Prick and your customer with the motorhome." Well loyal stalkers, I shall tell you.

The Prick faxed me over new loan papers. A 2009 Monaco Motorhome to be financed for $178k. I sent the information to the bank and no sooner did I hit the shiny red "send" button, the phone rang. *Just shoot me. Shoot me now* Its the bank...they need to see the dealer invoice. Okey-dookey, here ya go. We go back and forth over the amount to be financed, the terms, the interest rate, etc. FINALLY the approval comes over! YAY!! *confetti and balloons drop from the ceiling* I was so happy, I felt like grabbing a bottle of Champagne, shaking it and spraying it all over the place in a fit of celebration!

And when I called The Prick to tell him it was appoved, he was sooo happy he offered to buy me an Audi TT Roadster......Ok so he didn't really offer to buy me a car. But he should've with all the work I did!

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

So NOW you want my help!

God I LOVE customer service! NOT. For the past week, I have been working daily on helping a customer who happens to be in Arizona at the moment, get financed for a motorhome with State Farm Bank. (bet ch'ya didn't know State Farm had a bank, huh?) At first the sales was a man...the sales man tells me and sends me paperwork for a 2008. Ok sweet, this should be no problem. Declined. WTF?!?! Now, I should probably stop here and interject, this little 'ol lady has like $1.4 million...yes MILLION in liquid assets just sitting there collecting measly interest. She could easily just pay cash for the $175k motorhome, but REALLY wants to finance it with SF...back to the story: I call my new BFF and tell him that she's going to need to put more money down. No problem, he sends me the revised paperwork and presto, she's approved. I send him the approval. (Keep in mind that this is now almost a week later.) Not 10 minutes later I get a call from him....FUCK ME NOW WHAT!?!?! He gave me the wrong information...REALLY!?!? Its not a 2008 for $175k but a 2003 for $175k. Fine. Send me the paperwork and I'll see what I can do.....Declined....well who didn't see that coming?!?

Make my umpteenth call to the bank, now what!?!? Turns out that the NADA price on this bad boy is $145k, they are ripping off our customer. The loan to value is too high. OK, call Arizona again, blah, blah, blah, you're ripping off our customer, can she put more money down. He'll talk to her. *Ring, Ring*, guess who....oh just bend me over now!!! Well this time its his manager!

This prick proceeds to start ripping me a new one about how I NEED to get this pushed through and I NEED to start doing my job and I NEED to stop delaying. I try to explain nicely to this "gentleman" that the NADA guide book doesn't support the amount of money he's charging our customer for a 2003 vs. a 2008 at which point said Prick tells me that if I traded in my Toyota for a Mercedes, don't I think the Mercedes would cost more? OH NO you didn't!! *Irish Temper in full swing* First of all DON'T assume you know what I drive! Secondly, you are ripping off our customer and Thirdly, since Bank of America is willing to give her 5% and we are going to give her 8%, why in the fuck are you charging MY client 3% more over 240 months?!?! (I'll wait while you do the math. *hums to self*) EXACTLY!!! She's paying more in interest then the fucking motorhome is worth!!! (oh yeah and the fucker made me cry. DICK, now I have to go reapply my make up) At the end of the day, several calls later, several supervisors and directors later, we reach an agreement $160 k to loan and 180 months. Great, sweet, wonderful, we all dance a jig, and I grab some alcohol!

Fast forward to this morning. *ring, ring*....just fuck me dry with a carrot. Are you shitting me?!?! The customer changed her mind. Excuse the fuck out of me...there is no changing your mind, the check has been sent, the paperwork completed. It just "wasn't meant to be" with the 2003....she's buying a 2009 now. So Mr. Prick is being all nicey-nice to me and "I'm just so sweet and so great and wonderful"...can I please resubmit the loan? I grit my teeth and tell the bastard to fax me the knew info. Like, I said, customer service, gotta love it!

I'm NOW heading out for an electric which I may NOT come back from!!!

Stay tuned for the updates. Still don't know if this one is gonna be approved!

Sunday, January 18, 2009

The stage is set!

Its no secret that my BF LOVES Shittsburgh (props Two Twins.), I can't say that I HATE Pittsburgh (hate is such a strong word). They have some stand-up guys like Heinz Ward and Troy Polamalu. Not to mention that even after Heinz gets tackeled, he jumps up with a smile. Truly a man who LOVES playing the game for the game and not for the money. But after SB XL, I dislike Pittsburgh. (The fact that Ben Roethlisberger went on Dave Letterman and admitted that the TD was not actually a TD...duh...just irks me to no end...CHEATERS!!!) I've been flip-flopping teams during the playoffs and hopping on any band wagon for the team playing against the Steelers.

So this is it, the stage has been set. The
Philly Eagles lost to the Arizona Cardinals today...can you say upset? And the Baltimore Ravens lost to the Steelers...can you say, duh? In two weeks the Cards will be playing the Steelers in SB XLIII. I suppose I have to root for the Cards. Here's why: I'm a West Coast girl by birth and by nature...and a Steeler disliker by default. Also I LOVE arguing my BF over blown calls and it foreplay. So on February 1st I will be dawning some sort of attire in red and white and rooting for the Cards. I have to say that it's nice to see a West Coast team in the SB again. I'm sick of watching to East Coast teams that I could give a fuck about playing in the Super Bowl! Now if we could somehow get two West Coast teams in there, I'd be in Heaven!!! A girl can dream, can't she?

So sorry
Twins, but I hope you'll be with me in rooting for the Cards on February 1st!!! And sorry, Honey, but if our love can survive football season, it can survive anything. And yes I do think that only little bitches wave yellow towels!! So every Steelers hater raise your chosen pint with me and yell "Go Cards!".

On a side note, I'm sure my love and I will have a bet going (which I'm sure I will lose again) so stay tuned for the details. I have no doubt that I'll end up in a pub wearing a Steelers jersey and a pair of high heels! =D

Friday, January 16, 2009


Apparently I missed the news cast that spring has arrived early this year. Typically it is March 20th, this year it came on January 15th. Who knew? Am I the only one that missed this story on the 5 o'clock news? Its still cold as fuck in Washington...more snow to come, possibly, it certainly feels that way.

My BF is actually the one that brought this to my attention. Check out his post to see what I'm talking about. Now I just want to go punch the florist in the ovaries for getting my hopes up of this dismal season known as "winter" is over. Bitch!

Happy fucking Friday!

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

We've got a virgin!!!

Last night I found myself in several new positions with the BF. Get your minds out of the gutter (we did that after)....last night was the first night of our yoga class together. We have now reached that level in our relationship, we are taking classes together....we were even dressed alike and then I made him change.

So, I've been doing yoga for the past couple of years, but never in a formal studio. I at least know the difference between my downward facing dog and tree poses, so I was fairly comfortable in my ability. Steve on the other hand had never doing yoga before. This would be a new experience for him and one that I was happy I could share. =D We get to the class, slip off our shoes, grab our mats and prepare for an hour of stretching all while continuing to make ga-ga eyes at each other! =D Let me just say that there is NOTHING hotter then a guy (totally out of his comfort zone by the way) doing the bridge pose! Oh and staring at his butt while he's doing downward facing dog. *day dreams* Sorry got off topic, but really, you need to check out his ass, its incredible! Moving on....

We complete our hour plus of poses and then move into our final relaxation pose, Savasana. SAWEEETTTT!!! I can't get in the pose fast enough. It is my favorite, basically because it just requires you to lay on the ground and breath. Who can't do that??? So, I'm breathing and visualizing and OMG, am I snoring?!?! I seriously was about to hit REM cycle when all of the sudden someone starts coughing in class! WTF?!?! I was almost in REM....err....I mean deep meditation! And it wasn't a regular cough, oh no, it was one of those, "I'm going to try to hold it in and hope that I don't cough although this will never work" coughs. We all know the type. It only makes it worse and then you have a huge coughing fit after. Next time someone should bring some water with them. LOL

I have to say that it was a great class. And I didn't get any "I'm too macho for this" crap from Steve either. I can't wait to do it again next week. I just hope my Yoga Virgin had as much fun. Namaste!!

Sunday, January 11, 2009


So, I have a bet with the BF. He's a life long Steelers fan (insert boos here!). I grew up hating the Chargers, however, I'm about to swallow my Northern California pride to root for the Bolts. The bet is simple, no points, no spread, none of that gay-Vegas-bookie crap. Its down and dirty, Winner take all. The loser is the winners slave for the day! No boundaries. I'm really hoping for a Chargers win. The smack talk has already started via text, facebook and myspace! Fingers are crossed, candles are lite and wood has been knocked on! LET'S GO CHARGERS!!

***update*** I f-ing HATE Shitsburgh (thanks for the new name Two Twins!). Now I must go practice my curtsy and my "yes, Master!".

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman

This morning started out like any typical morning. Master P is on the couch watching Elmo. (I LOVE that little monster....Elmo that is!). Master P asked if he could eat some of his left over mini-M&M's, sure I told him. What the heck, I'm taking him to day care, I don't have to deal with the sugar high and the sugar low *evil laughter*. I go back and finish getting ready. I come out to finish watching cartoons with Master P before we leave. I take one look at his face and almost faint.

Now picture this...its a dark and stormy morning in Seattle (there's shock), the room is dimly lit and there is a thick reddish-brown substance ALL over Master P's nose, mouth, chin. He is sitting on the couch with a tear in his eye and a finger up his nose. I nearly faint. All I can think is that he somehow fell and broke is nose, I mean it was that bad.

Calmly I ask him what happened.
MP-"I got an MnM stuck up my nose."
I try not to giggle. "Honey, why is there and M&M up your nose."
MP-"I wanted to smell it."
IG-"Ok, but how did it get up your nose?"
MP-"Well I couldn't smell it good enough, so I stuck it up a little further and now I can't get it out."

I laugh uncontrollably. After a few minutes of a warm washcloth, it acutally starts to the line about "melts in your mouth not in your hands" thats pure bullshit...they also melt in your nose. I wash his face off and told him that we don't stick anything, especially little M&Ms up our noses.

I just wish when I was pregnant and taking all those usless pre-natal classes that only scared the crap out of me instead of comforting me, they would've taught us some "real life" stuff. Like how to remove a M&M from your child's nose!