Tuesday, April 28, 2009

People are McLoons!

Some days I just hate working in insurance. ESPECIALLY when I have to deal with dum people. Why can't the loonies wait until after I've at least had my Grande white chocolate mocha with an extra shot before they call?!? But oh no!! They have to call me bright and early at 9am!

Here's a little background on said McLooney: one of our insureds, a 21 year old girl, was pulling into a parking spot at McDonald's, cut the turn too tight and clipped the other vehicles McMirror. So our insured says that she'll pay for the McDamage. A whopping $300. No biggie. Well apparently this wasn't happening fast enough for Miss McLooney and McLooney decides to call our office to turn in a claim. Here's how my conversation went with her.

McLooney: I called you yesterday. Why isn't my damage fixed yet?!?

Me: I spoke with our client and she is going to call the body shop and pay for your damage.

McLooney: Well I hope it happens quick. I have to drive back to Arizona on Friday. I don't know how it works in Washington, but as soon as I cross the state line, I'm going to get zapped with a $2000 ticket for not having a driver's side mirror.

Me: o_O (Do they have a sensor at the state line that tells them that you don't have a mirror).

McLooney: You need to get this taken care of. As soon as I cross the state line and have to go through the border patrol they are going to pull me over and give me a ticket.

Me: *crickets* (Where the fuck, do you live?!? Border patrol? From CA to AZ, really?!?!)

McLooney: Then as soon as I get through the border patrol, the State Police are going to pull me over and give me another ticket.

Me: o_O (Thank goodness Guantanamo Bay is closing or I'm sure they would throw you in there).

McLooney: I'm going to tell the border patrol that it's all Washington State's fault that I don't have a mirror.

Me: (Yes, because it was the STATE that hit your vehicle) I understand, the client said she will call the body shop and have it taken care of. Anything else I can help you with (like a lobotomy)?

Seriously!! Where the fuck do we live? I didn't realize that you had to go through border patrol crossing state lines! When did that happen? Did I miss the memo? Is Arizona now its own separate country?!?! Or for that matter, are we at war with Arizona?!?! Go back to Arizona you Loon. I think all that Arizona sun causes brain damage!

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Hello, Betty Ford???

Let's get one thing straight right off the bat, that is NOT a picture of me!! Although, that has been me at some point, ESPECIALLY when camping. Let's be honest, there is NOTHING to do while camping except drink and smack the mosquitoes. But camping is not the subject of my post. I'm going to stop drinking! *waits for faithful followers to get up off floor* Yes you all read it correctly. But in case you missed it the first time or for those slower readers: I-AM-GOING-TO-STOP-DRINKING. And NO! I'm not having a "stupid baby". (Although Congrats to Tyrone over at TT who just popped out yet another stupid baby!)

I'm just getting tired of it all. I just turned 34 and let's all be honest, while it was fun to be the crunked obnoxious girl, flashing everyone while standing on the table at 21, its not so cute at 34! I'm tired of after about 3 drinks turning into a Jekyll and Hyde, Banshee wailing, Jaeger-shooting Zombie that doesn't remember shyt then picking fights with everyone I come in contact with, including my sweet Steven. It sucks and its not fair!!! So, I'm taking a break. I'm giving myself 2 weeks. At the end of the 2 weeks, Daylene is having her 30th birthday at a wine shop. So of course I will have to partake...responsibly, of course!!

Here are some things that have happened to me in the last few days since I've stopped drinking:

01). I now forget where I left my car. Seriously, Wednesday morning I woke up and I couldn't for the life of me remember where I parked my car!

10). I have cut my legs shaving. I haven't cut myself shaving since I was 13!

11). I have managed to drop my hairbrush in the toilet.

100). I have stubbed my toe countless times while stumbling around in my bedroom. Even sober, I still have no equilibrium!

101). I have managed to burn several fingers on my flat-iron.

110). I have headaches.

111). I can't concentrate and ironic as it is, I feel like a Zombie....Hmmm.

1000). I have started counting in binary! ARGH!!!

1001). Its not as much fun to watch the Stanley Cup playoffs while drinking Gatorade. I'm a spectator damn it NOT a participant!!!

On the positive, I'm hoping to lose weight. Like A LOT of weight in the next couple of weeks. In the meantime I'm going to have to find a new hobby. And I guess I'm going to have to start using actual weights to work out my biceps since I won't be doing 12 oz curls anymore!

Wish me luck. And if you have any ideas for hobbies, PLEASE let me know!!!

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Miss Texty McTexterson

For giggles today, I looked at my cell phone statement. Usually I just pay the bill on line and don't bother to look at my usage, but today curiosity killed the cat. I scroll down to the text message part....still scrolling....still scrolling...almost there...painting my nails...they are dry now...go straighten my hair...finish watching the Star Wars Trilogy (4-6 of course. 1-3 sucked ass and were a complete waste of time and money. IMHO)...write my dissertation on Global Warming....ah finally done! "HOLY SHYT!!!" I yelled.

Me: Ashlee, guess how many texts I had last month, incoming and outgoing?
Ashlee: Ummm, 5000
Me: Close, 4429. Holy shit!!
Ashlee: You are seriously worse then my teenage cousin. I bet they are all to Steve too, huh? Seriously, you guys text all day, email all day, what the hell do you have to talk about at night.?
Me: We don't talk. We just usually have sex. Seriously though, its not all to Steve. Some are my Mom and that damn Twitter!

For more giggles (and out of sure boredom), we decided to do a little math. Here's the break down of my texts:
Daily-158.1785714 (we'll round up and just say 158.18)
Hourly-6.59 (of course that's in a 24 hour period and I'm usually asleep about 9 hours/night so that makes the number more like 10.55)
Per-minute- .1098 (using the hourly amount of 6.59)
Monthly charge for texts figuring $.10 per text= a whopping $442.90.

Thank Goddess for unlimited text. Screw you T-Mobile, screw you!!! *evil laughter*

Friday, April 17, 2009

You say "Bitch" like its a bad thing!

It was brought to my attention last night by my Dear BF that I've been a bitch lately. As if I, of all people, am capable of being a bitch! *ROFL* Yeah, sorry, even I couldn't type that with a straight face. But I mean come on, who isn't entitled to a little bitch time? A little PMS time? A little I'm-going-to-knock-out-the-next-fucker-that-breathes time? Its not like I was being a complete Douche Bag like someone we all know!....ok maybe on some level I was. *shrugs* Anyhow, the point of me telling you that, is to tell you this: Sorry, if I've been a bit bitchy lately. I've had some major shyt going on in my life lately and it just sucks. See, I live in WA all by myself. I have no family around. The only things keeping me here are my BF and my Son...well and the fact that being 800 miles away from my Mother keeps me sane most days! Recently though, "life" has been happening to my family. I'm starting to realize that people I love are getting older and may not be around forever as I once thought and perhaps, took for granted.

My (maternal) Grandfather lives in the Bay Area. I have an amazing relationship with my Grandfather. I'm the first grandchild and the first girl...who wouldn't love me. We enjoy watching NASCAR with each other and arguing with each other over whether the restrictor plate was a good rule or not. And I LOVE hearing about his stories of growing up in Kentucky in a 1 room log cabin. But lately he hasn't been doing so well. He's been in and out of the hospital no less than 9 times so far this year. He has emphysema and it isn't getting better. In fact, the last time he was in the hospital, the doctors told him there was nothing more they could do. IDK what that means or more importantly how much time that means, but it sucks to high Hell!!! And it sucks being stuck in this shyt whole of a state not being able to do anything!!! Fuck you WA. FUCK YOU!!!! On the positive note, I am going down to visit my Grandparents with Master P in about 2 weeks. I just hope I'm not too late. =(

So then last night, I get home from my 4 mile walk/run workout and I get a call from my Dad. Holy shyt. My heart just dropped because 01) my Dad NEVER calls me 10) my Dad never calls me at 10 at night, he's usually in bed at 7 and 11) I have a younger brother who is 5 and has Downs Syndrome. You can imagine my shock. My step-mom, Diane called to tell me that my Dad was in the hospital. WTF?!?! Not only that but the ICU. Apparently his intestine had ruptured a few days back and being the stubborn 'ol coot that he is (which I'm NOTHING like! yeah right), ignored it. He was slowly poisoning himself to death until he finally couldn't take it anymore. He had emergency surgery and is going to be ok, but will be down for a while. I have never known my Dad to be sick or to not work. This is going to kill him! And now I have to schedule a flight to Reno, where my Dad lives. Fuck you WA. FUCK YOU!!!!!!!

It would be so nice if everyone were in the same place. At least then I could visit everyone at the same time, but life is rarely easy or convenient. And when it is, you know a shyt storm is brewing! Oh and in other news, my divorce was final on March 20th and my Mother-In-Law passed away on March 22nd. (I think she was just holding on long enough to see us get divorced!!) Sorry, but so far 2009 has started out rather craptastic in the Irish household.

Let's see...anything else...oh yeah. My biological clock is going off likes its 6:30 am on a Monday morning. Its driving me nuts!! Hmmm, maybe I should stop reading all the TTC blogs that Ashlee got me addicted to! ARGH!!!!

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Warning! Eruption in 5..4..3..whoops!!

I'm guest blogging over on Steve's site today as part of my glorious Super Bowl bet win. Check it out!! http://geekswithblogs.net/sbargelt/archive/2009/04/08/warning-eruption-in-5.4.3.whoops.aspx

Monday, April 6, 2009

Move over Anthony Kiedis!

My son is the funniest damn person on Earth!!! I was giving him a bath this weekend and he was playing with his blue loofah. He asked me what the string on it was for. So I told him its so we can hang the loofah up when he was done and it would dry. Master P then proceeds to stand up on the bath and try to hang it off his....junk. Yup!!! I laughed so hard I nearly peed my pants. Seeing my reaction only kept making him do it again and again.

Fast forward: Master P is getting dressed. Being almost 4 he prides himself in dressing himself. O_o OK, that's redundant! Anyhow, he's great at it. He even matches it pants to his shirt and his socks to the whole outfit. Better than most grown men I know. Back to the story. So, I'm puttering around the apartment getting stuff ready and he walks out. He says "Mommy, I'm ready". I turn around and nearly fall over. He has a shirt on and his sock. Yes 1 sock...on his junk!!! I try to compose myself and ask him why he doesn't have pants on. The conversation went something like this.

IG: P, where are your pants?

MP: I don't want to wear pant.

IG: You need to wear pants. You don't want everyone to see your wee and Mr. No-Butt. (Seriously, the kid has no-butt).

MP: They won't. That's why I put the sock on my wee!

I couldn't argue with that! Gotta love boys!!

Saturday, April 4, 2009

Go Shorty, its my Birfday!

We had my birthday party on the Saturday before my actual birfday. I don't remember much, so it must've been a damn good party. I THINK I'm NOW really good friends with my downstairs neighbors and someone got shanked (Sorry, George!). That's how we roll in da hood! So since I can't really tell you much other then there was A LOT of food and A LOT of wine...enjoy the pictures!!!

St. George giving me my first shot of the night.
She's now known as the Grim Reaper since
I think she was actually trying to
kill me.
Yes, Ashlee actually got me to dip my
egg roll in my glass of Boudreaux wine.
Party foul on my part, but damn it
was tasty!!
Me about to shank someone with
the cheese knife!! (Sorry, George!)

Steve pulling shots from the bottle.
And the Grim Reaper assisting!

St George doing Jaeger bombs!

Day and Ashlee. I'm not quite sure
and I really don't want to know what they
are talking about, but I'm sure we
can ALL guess!
that's 1.75 liters. YES I said liters
of Jaeger. Now you see why I said
that St. George was trying to kill me.
Perhaps one of THE BEST presents EVER!!!
Focker out!!!!

Friday, April 3, 2009

Freak Out with my Geek Out

I don't really fancy myself as a Geek per say, more of a Geek Groupie. And this morning I was completely geeking out in my apartment. This weekend is the Emerald City Comicon in Seattle and one of my favorite Geeks of ALL time is going to be there....Wil Wheaton!! *squeal* And in case none of you know who Wil Wheaton is....first of all, let me say SHAME ON YOU!!! Secondly, let me remind you. He played Gordie Lachance in Stand By Me, Wesley Crusher on Star Trek: The Next Generation and a ton of other stuff that would take up my entire post to list. To say I had a HUGE crush on Wil when I was a tween is a major understatement. Picture tear outs from Tiger Beat magazine covering my locker, bedroom walls and ceiling!!
Anyhow, I stalk...err...I mean follow his blog and Twitter updates and found out that he was going to be doing a morning talk show this morning in Seattle on KISW. Actually, props to BF for texting me and reminding me that he was on. It was amazing. I don't even remember what they were talking about, but every time Wil mentioned hockey, playing hockey, watching hockey, or anything geeky, I would freak out. I got giddy like a school girl and I got a funny-tingly feeling in my no-no parts!!! I just LOVE the fact that he can go from talking about a recent podcast about D&D to the LA Kings hockey and back without missing a beat...let's just say I would give up my first born to be friends with Wil. And the fact that my BF has a man crush on Wil.....Now that's a Geek Squad I'd like to watch in action!!!! *drools*
To make my day even better, I just bought Wil's shirt off shirt.woot!!! Not his actual shirt, but how friggin AWESOME would that be?!?! No, its one that he designed for shirt.woot. The bastard sold out in a couple of minutes when it was first up for sale and after stalking....err...checking daily for it, it is now available again. Imagine the high pitched squealing that was me this morning!!! *sigh* I'm still glowing after my victorious shopping trip.
Anyhow, I NEED a cold shower and to change my panties. I can't wait to go to the Comicon this weekend. (Holy Crap, did I just say that?!?!?)

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Can I please speak to Mr. Behr?

In case you have your head in the sand, today is April Fool's Day. As a youngster this was my and my brother's favorite day of the year. You would think that my Mom would eventually catch on but she never did. I haven't played an April Fool 's joke in YEARS, but for some reason I was feeling a little sassy today and decided to play a joke on Steve.....I'm blaming it on all of the cake I ate last night for my Bday.
Ashlee and I started to brain storm. What could we do that wouldn't be too evil or harmful or that would eventually back fire on me and have Steve break up with me? Suggestions of replacing his bottled water with vodka, replacing salt with sugar (or vice versa), telling him I would make dinner & walk in with McD's all had been mentioned. But just sounded lame and were quickly thrown out. We even thought about gum that would turn his teeth blue...too juvenile. Think, Irish, think. Ah ha! I got it!!
I sent Steve a text: "Honey. I got a call from the apt managing company and they need to talk to U. Plz call Mr. Behr at 253-591-5337."
Steve: "its a recorded message for The Point Defiance Zoo....."
me: "ha ha April Fools. Get it...Mr. Behr...zoo...bear." *still giggle over that*
Steve:"F me!! I thought they were going to say that my apartment was on fire."
me: "Honey, do you really think I would text you that the apartment was on fire?"
Steve:"Good one. You got me."
me:"get it...Mr. Behr...zoo...bear. I would've been ROFL if you had called and gotten to talk to a real person and asked to speak to Mr. Behr. ha ha....sorry I'm dumb."
And this is why I know longer do April Fool's jokes. And yes, I'm still giggling over Mr. Behr!!