Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary. I say would have been, because as of March 20th of 2009, I have been divorced. Its sad for me. However, on one hand, I LOVE where my life is going. On the other hand, I miss what would have been. I miss being a wife. In fact, I LOVED being a wife. I miss being a Mrs. I remember EVERY aspect of today. Just ask me...at 4am, I know what I was doing. At 8am, I know where I was. At 3 pm, I know what I was decorating and at 5 pm, I know what I was drinking.
I remember waking up that Saturday morning hearing the saddest news ever...one of my dearest friends had died of "AIDS" and another one of my long time neighbors ( who was there when my Mom was born) had died as well....perhaps that was an omen. But still the day went on. I waited anxiously for my BFF, Kim to bring me my Happy Meal while I perfected my make up for the 5th time. I was bound to get it right. I wanted this day to be perfect...it WAS GOING TO BE PERFECT!! My Maid of Honor and most dearest friends, Patty was up from California...she brought the tequila...she knows what I like and knows what calms my nerves....ever aspect of that day, I remember. I remember my Mom walking back into the Bride's room after seeing Todd in his tux for the first time and crying, Mom was in charge of the boutonnieres. I thought "OMG, he changed his mind"....funny now to think that I'm the one that changed her mind. I remember my brother, John, dressed in his tux riding his skateboard around the grounds while we were trying to take our picture. I remember arguing with my bride's maids about who was going to hold my dress up because I had to go to the bathroom. I remember almost being late to the alter because Patty kept offering us "one last" shot of tequila, and my friend Dawn being the "party pooper" because she wouldn't partake in the tradition. I remember the smell of the ocean air, the way the sun shown, the way my flowers from Pike's Place Market smelt. I remember thinking "I should have asked my Dad to walk me down the aisle" Although my Brother was the one to stand by my side just has he had always done when we were kids. I remember all of this and much more. I remember starting the ceremony, facing each other just as a ski boat with twin-jet engines roared up and then cut off the engines to watch, thinking "OMG, he's going to ruin the ceremony". I remember not getting a piece of my wedding cake (beside what was shoved up my nose) because I was too busy dancing with my friends and out of town guests....I remember the bouquet toss (Tonya caught it) and the garter toss (my Brother caught it...yeah that's just weird). I remember the new 2001 Black Dodge Dakota being decorated by my Brother, my Uncle and our other friends. I remember all of this and more.
I wonder though, as the years go by and the memories fade, what will I remember? Will I forget any of it? Will I forget how nervous I was saying my vows? Will I forget the people that where there? The friends that flew in that day and flew out that night? The way that my Star Gazer Lilies from Pike's Place Market smelled? Will I forever remember how nervous I was with the expectation that came along with the wedding ring, to now and forever be Mrs. Russell?
Honestly, I hope I don't forget any of it. Yes, times change, people change. I am no longer Mrs. Russell, but rather Ms. Russell. However, it was the second best day of my life (aside from Preston being born), so far and I wouldn't change any of it. And with that tonight, I shall eat my cake, drink my wine and say Happy Anniversary to Me!