5 years ago
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Today marks day 5 since I've had a drink. No cheating, no sneaking, NO drinking. Has it been hard, yes!!! But I have found that I've been sleeping better THAN EVER!!!! I even wake up BEFORE my alarm...okay, just shoot me for that. But honestly, I've been sleeping better than ever!! Who knew?!?! I mean, somewhere, in my "sober" brain, I always knew that I slept better and woke up more refreshed after not drinking. Although I KNEW all of this, I would still wind up having 1 glass of wine to relax from a hard day at work, 1 glass would soon lead to 2 glasses and before I knew it, 2 BOTTLES were gone and I would pass out and wake up feeling shitty. NO MORE!!!
I have to say that so far my brother has been a HUGE support system. In just 8 short days, he will have been sober for 1 year. I asked him if its tough... "everyday" he said. I asked him if he has ever wanted a drink SO bad that he just couldn't take it...."everyday" he said. He is now my rock. Who knew that the "little" brother would be taking care of his "big" sister??? But he's been there, he knows what I'm going through and he has promised to support me EVERY step of the way.
Do I have an end date in mind? No. There are pub crawls coming up this summer with my friends, will I drink? IDK yet. I hope not, but when in Reno! LOL. All I know is that if I want things to turn around, I'm the ONLY one who can do it. So I've made a promise to myself. If...IF I can last 6 months, I will get a new tattoo. And at the 1 year mark, I will get my Fairie wings that I have ALWAYS wanted. Steven has gone one step farther. If I can make it to the 6 month point, we are going to Hawaii. He will pay for EVERYTHING. Well if that isn't incentive, then IDK what is. I've never been to Hawaii. And Steven said that if I make it to the 1 year mark, then we are going to Paris. OMG!!! The City of Lights. I have ALWAYS dreamt about going to Paris. The shops! The food!! The Eiffel Tower. Come one, its the city of "love". I won't even go near the wine section of the grocery store if it means I get to go to Paris. I won't even mention the word "wine" if it means I get to go to Paris. Guess I better get my passport.
In the end, my little brother is right....1 day at a time. Today is day 5. Will I have a drink? NO!! Tomorrow is day 6. I won't even start thinking about tomorrow until I wake up in the morning. Then day 7, so on and so forth. One step at a time and One day at a time. If I happen to fall down, no big deal, I won't be hard on myself. I will just pick myself up, dust myself off and start all over again. I WILL beat this and I WILL make Steven the happiest man on the planet. I know I can do this and I appreciate Steven's support SO much....SO much more than he will EVER know. I LOVE him. And I want to be the sweet, sweet ever loving GF that he sees when my "other" personality doesn't come out.
So as they say in our local afternoon radio program The Men's Room, "bottoms up sailors".....here's to NO "liquor and whores"!!! And here's to Hawaii and Paris!!!
BTW~ I have LOST 3 pounds in the last 5 days from NOT drinking. Well if that isn't motivation, IDK what is. Me, a bikini and Hawaii with my soul mate=Heaven!!!