With Ashlee and Mexi (aka Stupid Baby part Deux) leaving me in December, we have been interviewing people to come in and work part time. Mostly to keep me company so I don't start rocking back and forth in chair while hugging my knees and talking the freckles on my arm that I have just named. We only had one interview today and while the gal was filling out her application, we were already sizing her up and discussing her amongst ourselves. WHAT?!?! Its not like we were talking about her in front of her. Please! We did it behind her back via email!!
Ashlee: OMG this girl smells like Aussie hair products. LOL and eeeek at the same time.
Me: LOL. Funny, she doesn't look like her picture. (oh she had submitted her online resume with a picture of her. I'm pretty sure it was her senior portrait from like 5 years ago).
Ashlee: UMMMM not really at all. The eyes a little. Maybe she got the picture off the Internet. I think I'll put Katie Holmes as my resume pic. Who will you put?
Me: Well if you put Katie, then I will be your Tom.
Ashlee: Sounds like a deal. That's a good cliche! You'll be the Tom Cruise to my Katie Holmes. Good in a wedding speech.
Me: Perfect. Now you can write your speech for my wedding! You will be my Katie and Steve can be our Suri.
Ashlee: Even better. Steve can be Tom, you can be Katie and I can be Suri. We're a little family.
Me: Yes like the Tree of Trust.
Ashlee: No we are the Triangle of Trust. See there is 3 of us and a triangle has 3 sides.
Me: Perfect. *sneezes for the 1 millionth time*
Ashlee: Bless you
Me: Thanks. *puts antibacterial hand gel on my arm (I sneeze into my arm jeez)* Hey. I wonder if you can use antibacterial gel like a spermicide. You know in case you ever run out of spermicide.
Ashlee: Why don't you just pour Jager in your Vag?
Me: Can you do that?!?!
Ashlee: No wait, that's not right. That only speeds the little guys up.
Me: Do tell Yoda.
Ashlee: Ever notice how most pregnancies happen when you're drunk!
5 years ago