Thursday, June 11, 2009

To Be or Not To Be


(Phew, glad we got that out of the way.)

Ashlee and I read a particular blog almost religiously, but lately we've become pretty annoyed with it. First a little background on the blog: its about a lesbian couple that is TTC (trying to conceive). They started doing IUI in early 2008. Since then she has gained over 25 pounds, spent Tens-of-thousands of dollars only to get BFN (big fucking No) each and every month. She's had several cysts and surgeries to remove those cyst. She has MTHFR, endrometriosis and now Natural Killer Cells. She's had debilitating migraines and has pretty much exhausted her lifetime health benefits! And yet, she is still going to do 1 round of IVF. Because of all of her current medical problems she will have to do acupuncture every week during the ENTIRE pregnancy & a blood transfusion every 3 weeks for the first trimester. If the IVF is a success, they will have spent $35,000 (does NOT include all the IUI procedures) for a baby. If not...for only 1 try, it will cost them $19,000.

Okay, I don't know about you, but I could surely find something else to spend (or invest) my $19,000 in. Even with the economy as it is, it seems that the stock market is a better gamble then her getting pregnant.

Ashlee and I spent A LOT of time talking about this this morning. Perhaps we are able to stand so proudly on our soap boxes and in our ivory towers because it was relatively easy for us to get pregnant. (there was really no "trying" necessary). But we had to ask ourselves: If after 14 months of BFN after BFN and surgery after surgery, why would a woman continue to TRY yet another procedure to have a baby? Is it to defy her Mother? Is it selfishness? Does it have to do with her being raised Mormon? Honestly, people, when sign after sign and test after test keeps telling you that this isn't in "the cards" for you, why keep trying?!?! Why not stop and read those signs? I mean with her MTHFR, there are usually 1 of 3 outcomes...Miscarriage, stillbirth or a baby born with SEVERE birth defects. I'm sorry, but as a Mother-to-be, those aren't chances I would be willing to take.

You have to wonder but perhaps God or the Universe or the Powers That Be does not want her to have a baby of her own. Ashlee brought up a good point: what if in the next town over a 15 year old girl is having a baby & giving it up for adoption that is perfect for this couple, but they are going to miss out on the best thing ever because of pure stubbornness?!?!? Seriously, if all of the signs say "Go Back" "Wrong Way" "Do Not Enter" are you still going to proceed that way? NO. That would be stupid. Its like driving the wrong way on the freeway.

I totally understand wanting to have a baby of your own, I really do. IDK, maybe I'm just a haughty-taughty bitch who is way too opinionated for my own good. I obviously don't know these ladies personally. And I've NEVER been faced with the type of decisions that they are having to make. But if you're not able to do it naturally, the way that God, The Universe or the Powers That Be and let's not forget Mother Nature have intended, then there's probably a good reason that its not happening!

Time to get off my high horse. I'm interested to know, what do you guys think?


Ashlee and Brandon said...

I think that they need to take a step back and evaluate their reasons to keep going. I also think that the chick is super selfish!

Day said...

ADOPT, you crazy lesbian bizzo!

SteveBargelt said...

I do totally agree with you.

I know you know this honey but for the sake of your readers...
My daughter Zoe (now 3) was the product of IVR (& ICSI) and I am SO glad to have her! I love her VERY MUCH! At times she is all that keeps me going! But WOW in hindsight the process was a strain on an already troubled marriage. The money, the doctor visits, the time off of work, the disappointments, the worry (that all that money is going down the drain for nothing), the injections (I did get rally good at it), the bed rest, the little sperm collection room. All things that are not meant to be part of the child making process. Of course in our case there was no KILLER gene mutations... which to me would be the big fucking RED stop sign!

So in the end... Lots of stress. Lots of pain. Lots of money. Then a very stressful pregnancy... many hospital visits and many late night scares. 4+ week premature. I have to imagine that all the complications (at least partially) came from the fact that the whole process was not natural.

I love Zoe dearly but I don't think I'd recommend the process to anyone.

Irish Girl said...

Day: I KNOW!!! That's what Ashlee and I said. ARGH!!! Like yes, lets just shit ALL of our money away and cross our fingers that we get a baby with severe birth defects that will NEVER have a normal life. Way to go Mom!!!

Bird Shit and Baby Caca said...

All that money they wasted on something that doesn't seem like it will happen for them because of all the complications. ADOPT! there are plenty of babies out there that need parents!

Organic Meatbag said...

Perhaps they should just get a cat and name him "Toodles" and make him wear a cowboy hat... that should suffice in place of a child...