CALIFORNIA PUBLIC SCHOOL SYSTEM FAIL...OR...THE DAY I DISCOVERED I'M A NATURAL BLONDE

*Shout out to Angela. I FINALLY did a new blog post. Now back off, Lady!

LOL, JK. Love ya!!*

When I first moved from California to Washington about 14 years ago, I had SO much stuff...okay!! Okay!! Shoes! I had SO many pairs of shoes to bring (100+ pairs to be exact), that Todd and I decided to take AmTrak up. We weren't in a hurry and thought that it would be a nice way to relax and see the country side. Aside from having to sleep upright in a chair, it was a REALLY nice experience. Part of the train experience is eatting in the dining car. The dining car has several (2 to be exact) seating options. There are either tables for 2 or tables for 4. One day for breakfast we decided to mingle with the other passengers and we sat at a table for 4 across from a lovely couple heading from California to Alaska.

We did the initial meet and greet small talk. You know the "Hi, I'm (insert name here)" "This is my (insert relation here)" etc, stuff. I sat quietly eating my pancakes for the first little bit and then I decided to open my mouth and join in on the conversation. In hindsight, I should've just sat there eating my pancakes.

Now, let me just say this, I've always thought of myself as a fairly intelligent person. Did good in high school. Did great in college. On the speech and debate teams, Honor Rolls, Dean's Lists, AP classes, etc, etc, but that one lovely day on the train is where the California Public School system failed me and I became an idiot.

Todd: So where are you two from?

Lady: We are from Alaska. We took the train from Alaska to San Francisco for vacation and we're on our way back now. Its been really nice. What about you two?

Todd: Oh I'm from Washington. I'm in the Navy and my ship is now stationed up there. This is my girlfriend Marti (I smile) and she's from the Bay Area. She's moving up to Washington so we can be closer until I finish my time with the Navy.

Lady: That's so lovely. I'm sure the long distance has been difficult. (Blah blah blah)

Me: So you're like from Alaska, huh? Cool. This must've been a totally long trip for you.

Man: Yeah, but it's been nice seeing the country side and just taking our time.

Me: So how long is the trip going to take you total?

Man: About 4 days. After Seattle, we'll have to go through Canada and then onto Alaska.

Me: WOW!! So once you go through Canada do you have to like cross a bridge or something to get to Alaska?

Lady: What do you mean, Dear?

Me: (Looking nervously at Todd) Ummm, I mean to get onto Alaska. Don't you have to cross a bridge to like get there? I mean it is an island right? And then like don't you have to like pay a toll or something to cross and then show ID for like the guards to let you in???

*insert crickets*

Todd: No, Marti, Alaska isn't an island, its attached to Canada. There's no bridge to cross.

Me: There must be. I mean like on all the maps I've ever seen, its like an Island that's surrounded by walls. You know, like for protection from invasion or something.

Man & Lady: *looking horrified at each other*

Todd: *stares at me like I just grew a 3rd eye* No, Marti. Trust me. It's NOT an Island. There are no walls and there is NO bridge.

Me: Well then who ever did the maps of the US is a moron. Cuz like on every map I've like ever seen Alaska and Hawaii are islands that are like protected with walls. You know like the military bases where you have to show ID to get on. *looking at man and lady* Do you have to show some form of ID to get into Alaska?

Man & Lady: Excuse us. We must be going now. Enjoy your breakfast and the rest of your trip.

I'm pretty sure they jumped off the train at that point just to avoid us...well mostly to avoid me. Sadly, it took another couple of years until I would FINALLY believe Todd that Alaska wasn't some sort of island that you need to cross a bridge and show ID to get onto.

Thanks California Public Schools for making me a moron!

Sisters from another Mister!

There is a poem called "Reason, Season, Lifetime" The jest of it is that people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. I believe it to be so true. We are meant to learn a lesson from everyone we come in contact with, even if they are just in our life for a very short amount of time. Whether its to get us out of a crappy job, a crappy relationship or to be the pathway to meeting the person that you were meant to spend the rest of your life with. Recently I had the pleasure of meeting such a person.

Our situation didn't start out as traditional as most do, she's my X-husband's girlfriend. Over the 9 months that they have been dating, we met in person once, DM'd on FB a few times, but other than that, not much interaction. Upon meeting her for the first time, I thought she was an amazing person. You could just see the life, the light, the energy radiating from her and yes, I was jealous. She is such a beautiful person inside and out. I was jealous, not of their relationship, but of her self-confidence, something I wasn't feeling at the time that I met her. However, last Saturday I had the pleasure of getting to spend the day with her and learned that we have SO much in common!!! We believe in the power of positive thinking. We know that we are strong, positive, powerful women, whether we are with a man or not. We want the same things out of life and we want the same things for my son (which is MOST important). I ALWAYS told my X that in my heart of hearts, I wanted his S.O. to treat my son as if he were their own and to be able to be at family functions together without any weirdness between us. I have to say that L treats my son as if he were her own and I love her for that.

So we met at a restaurant last Saturday with plans to go out for a walk around the lake to talk. I got to the restaurant first and as soon as I saw her, it was like seeing my childhood BFF!!! It wasn't awkward or weird and neither of us were standoff-ish as some X's and new S.O.s might be. We met each other with a BIG hug. We sat and talked for hours. Then we did girlie stuff like get fake eyelashes done at Nordstrom. I had NEVER laughed SO much or had SO much fun with someone that I barely knew. We just had this instant connection. She spent the night at night at my house and we literally stayed up until 2am just talking. We found that we just had SO much in common. Even our workouts are similar and we want to try the same things like a pole dancing class. She just has SO much confidence and energy radiating from her, its contagious, not to mention that she's just gorgeous, picture Demi Moore. And she says just the right things just when I need to hear them most.

I do hope that she and my X are a "lifetime". But if not, I know that she met him for a "reason". She and I are seriously like sisters!!! And although we have REALLY only gotten to know each other for a week, I love her as if we had known each other for the past 30 years.

I just wanted to say a HUGE thank you to L. You are a WONDERFUL person and I LOVE having you in my life!

Do any of you have people like that in your life???

10 Things.....

So this has been going around the blogging World and I FINALLY got tagged, so I guess its my turn to tell you 10 things about me that you may OR may not know.

1. When I'm heartbroken, to deflect the pain, I get a new tattoo or piercing. It helps me to deal with the heart ache. That might be why I have 6 tattoos and 9 piercings. And another one is on the way.
2. On my 16th birthday, my Mom took me to see INXS and The Soup Dragons at the Oakland Coliseum, INXS said "Happy Birthday" to me!!!
3. I'm totally random when it comes to music. My iPod has everything from Shania Twain to TPain to Johnny Cash to Godsmack on it and everything 80's in between.
4. I FINALLY believed at love at first sight at 32 when I first met S.
5. I HATE being alone. Even grocery shopping by myself annoys me. I feel like people are judging me as the "crazy cat lady".
6. I'm a total sports fan! Be it football or hockey, I'm into it ALL!!! I would MUCH rather be at a ball game with a beer and a hot dog then at a fancy restaurant!
7. I'm impatient with my hair. If I want to cut it I will, I won't wait for an appointment, I will just go and do it myself. And I hate paying for something I can do myself.
8. I have a HUGE secret that some people will understand and some won't. But S LOVES my secret!!!
9. I wanted to be a pediatrician when I grew up. In college, I changed my major to fashion design because I wanted to party more than I wanted to study.
10. I LOVE being a T-ball Mom!!! I LOVE watching P playing ball, although I wish I were out there with him.

Bonus: #11: I have more bra and panty sets than Victoria Secrets!!!

Double bonus #12: I'm ADDICTED to chapstick. And when I say "addicted" I mean I need a 12 step program to help me get off it.

So, what are your 10 things???

4:20

Unless you are living under a rock, you will know that today is 4:20...international Pot Smoking day. Honestly, I REALLY have NO idea what that means or where it comes from, however, on ALL of the radio shows today they have been debating the idea of legalizing pot or not. I thought I would chime in. Now this is just my opinion not fact mind you and I REALLY have no stats to back it up....hence it being an opinion. And NO, I'm not a pot smoker.

I for 1 DO NOT believe that Mary Jane is the "gate way" drug. I currently know, have grown up with and have known in the past "pot heads" who have never ventured to anything other than being a "pot head" vs a meth-fiend, coke-addict, etc etc. I don't believe that pot is a dangerous drug or will lead you to other more harmful drugs. Knowing the people that I have in the past, its quiet the opposite, unless you are hiding a box of twinkies from them! More people have been killed by alcoholics then by pot smokers and alcohol is legal. I think a lot of it has to do with the friends and crowd that you hang out with. And I think that some kids become addicted to pills, alcohol or worse without ever having tried pot especially at a younger age, thanks to their parents.

I honestly think that it should be legalized and then policed, like alcohol. Let the government tax it and reap some of the revenue that they are missing out on now. It might actually solve some of the budget deficit problems that so many states are having now. I mean people are going to do it whether it is legal or not, so just legalize it, tax it and put some of that money back into the state for other programs.

Also, let's look at the farmers. Farmers could harvest hemp and sell it for things like clothing, medicinal purposes, etc and could save a lot of the small farms that are going out of business because we are importing items from other countries for a few cents less a dollar.

Honestly, when was the last time you read or heard on the news that someone drove the wrong way down the freeway because they were high on pot??? Nope, usually drunk. Or about when someone went on a 3 day pot binge and killed their family??? Nope, usually meth. Pot doesn't make you lose your teeth like meth or get "tracks" like heroine. At worse, you have no drive and therefore are not a productive member of society....or maybe your are a functional pot head. Honestly, the majority that smoke pot that I have known, would rather play X-Box all day, then have to get into a car to drive anywhere. Think about it!

Either way, I think it should be legalized and then policed. If it can work in other countries, why not this one? I mean we seem to think that we are so much more superior, then let's prove it. Its not like marijuana is a brand new thing, its been around since the time of the Bible and before.

What's your opinion?

Life IS Beautiful!!!

*Life IS Beautiful*

Okay so this is probably a bit morbid, but I have had "Life is Beautiful" by Sixx A.M. on repeat on my iPod for like the last hour or so now. Yes, I am singing along (poorly) and know all the words. There is a line in the song that says "Will you swear on your life that no one will cry at my funeral". So it got me thinking. How would I like my funeral to be. NO!!! I'm not dying or going to do anything stupid, but it got me to thinking. How would I like my funeral to be??? I know for sure, I DON'T want one of those stanchy, quiet, traditional, ceremonial funerals....you know like your Great-Grandmother had with the black Catholic veil et all. I want a fucking party. I want it loud and I want it insane. I have led a GREAT life and I continue to lead a great one, so why NOT celebrate it?!?! I don't want passages from the "bible" read or "Amazing Grace" sang. THAT'S.JUST.NOT.ME!!!

Here's what I do want. I want shots of Jaeger passed out at the door as people enter then pour one out for the hommie (aka me). I want a ton of flowers....okay so that's pretty traditional, but flowers are a must, especially my favs, Star Gazer Lilies. I don't want people to cry. I want people to have fun. I want a good old fashioned Irish wake where everyone gets shit faced and tells funny and embarrassing stories about me....primarily so I can haunt them later for ever repeating those stories! LAWL I don't want to be dressed in some ugly ass beaded gown. I want to go out all in black wearing my combat boots! Black hair, black eyeliner and red lips! And I don't want sappy churchy music. I want the place to rock. I want to raise the dead, pardon the expression. I want my favorite bands played. Like Korn, Rob Zombie, Motley Crue, The Cure (okay, so they are kind of emo), Rammstein, Skinny Puppy, Linkin Park. I want it to feel more like a party, cuz it is. Fucking drink up people, I'm the one paying for this shit and I'll be watching!!!



Like I said, morbid, I know. But the song got me thinking. I don't want people crying for me. I want people to celebrate my memory and what GREAT times we had together. I also want "Life Is Beautiful" by SIXX A.M. played as people enter and take their shots of Jaeger. I'm putting the FUN back in funeral motha fuckers!!!



Have you guys ever thought about what you want your funeral to be like????

GOOOOOOOAAAALLLL!!!

I know that at or around New Years, everyone posts their goals for the year. And I thought to myself, eh fuck 'em, I'm going to do mine in April. Screw the robotic majority, they are boring and dull and I have ALWAYS danced to the beat of another drummer (like Tommy Lee)! Having said that, I have made some goals for myself this year. Hard to believe, I know! There are several things that I want to accomplish this year. Will I actually make it, IDK, guess you'll just have to stay tuned to find out, but I'm putting in the effort and that's what matters. So in NO particular order here are my goals for 2010:

1. I AM going to buy a road bike (bicycle). My goal is to complete a century (100 miles) before the end of summer. I think I have a fairly good shot at achieving this since I can easily do 10 miles and I did 20 miles with no problem last year. I'm sure I'm kidding myself, but what do I have to lose? And just think of how HOT my legs will look with all the training. HELLO short skirts and high heels!!!!!
2. I AM going to get out on my mountain bike and conquer that damn trail. It beat the h3ll out of me last summer but NOT this year. H3ll hath NO fury like a woman scorned and trail, you scorned me last year!!! You should fear this!! Not to mention that the trail is SUPER close to work so I can go after work is done! I would say on lunch, but come on, who am I trying to kid! LAWL
3. I'm going to do a 5k Warriors Dash with my friend TL. Basically its a 5k run with obstacles (IE:wall climb, mud pit, etc) and a beer waiting for you when you are done. I would run a 100k for a beer. Now if any of you know me, you know I HATE....no LOATH running. Seriously, if I were ever chased by muggers, they could take whatever they wanted. Not to mention that the Goddess gave me an extra serving of boobs and it sucks to run with the girls. But I'm going to train and do it! (I'm on the email to register when they open up the WA registration).
4. I'm going to spend more time in California. When I first moved up here, I would visit every 3-4 months. Now it seems like I only visit once a year. And while its like a visit from the President when I do go with all the pomp and circumstance (yes, they even play the song for me when I exit the plane), I miss my friends dearly. Not to mention that my Grandparents and my nephew aren't getting any younger.
5. I'm hoping with all of this *gulp* exercise, I will get down to my pre-marriage weight of 125. Not so much a goal as it is an added perk. 6 pack-abs is a GREAT revenge on the X! *Evil laughter*
6. Feel comfortable *gulp* in a bikini!
7. Go to as many concerts as I can and party it up this summer!!! That should be an easy one to mark off. I already got tickets to The Mayhem Festival starring Korn and Rob Zombie before they even went on sale and I'm going to the Super Hero Crawl in Reno the weekend before. No brainer, we can just check that one off the list now!!! S and I went to the Super Hero Crawl a few years ago and had an AWESOME time partying with my friends from high school. I can't wait to go again this year!!!
8. Get at least 1 more tattoo before the end of summer and 1 more piercing. Okay we can pretty much check that one off the list as well, that's no brainer.
9. And finally, World Peace.

Okay maybe not so much #9 and if any of you have seen "Miss Congeniality" you will get the joke. If not, what the h3ll is wrong with you!!! No, seriously, what the h3ll is wrong with you?!?! Of course there are the normal things like to be the best Mom I can to P-man, which is a daily goal and to lose weight, but who doesn't list that as one of their goals? Seriously though, I will keep everyone up to date on how I'm doing. So do any of you have any goals for this year? If so, what are they?

So Sappy Sweet-You'll need to visit the dentist after!!

** YES!! My shirt does say "Will Fuck For Shoes". S bought it for me! **

2 years ago today my friends TL & V took me out dancing for my upcoming birthday. TL said that she invited a friend that she had known for years and thought we would get a long famously. TL played the go between sending pix of us back and forth to each other. From his pictures, he seemed cute and nice, so why not let him crash "Girl's Night Out". As we pulled into the parking lot of the restaurant/club, I saw THE.MOST.TALL.DARK.HANDSOME.MAN...EVER!!! I quietly prayed to myself "oh please let that be S, oh please let that be S." Then the panic started and I quietly prayed "oh no, that can't be S. oh crap!" Sure enough it was S.

He joined us for dinner while TL played interference and we both text her secretly about how cute the other one was. One thing led to another and I invited him to go out dancing with us. This was after he was so kind as to buy me a birthday shot of Jaeger...Man after my own heart! =D We exchanged numbers before he had to leave for a "guy's" thing. He promised to call me on Monday and he did. Of course, I had sent him some annoying and probably incoherent drunk texts that night as the girl's partied on. But he still called just like he said he would, a TRUE Gentleman!!! And as they say, the rest is history.

He is the kindest, sweetest, honest, most giving and generous person I had EVER met. And TL was right, we get along perfect. We LOVE the same music, movies, books, style. You name it and we have it in common. I had found my Soul Mate. I had never believed in LOVE at first sight until then. I once had thought I had fallen in love when I was 20 with Jason (that's a post for a later time), but I was wrong. I fell in love that night with S. And all these years later, I still get giddy and nervous and anxious just at the thought of seeing him. My heart skips a beat and flutters whenever I see him and I'm giggly like a school girl whenever we are together.

Sure things haven't always been smoothest, but what relationship doesn't have it's ups and downs??? But in the end, he owns my heart and always will!