Thirty, Flirty & Thriving

CALIFORNIA PUBLIC SCHOOL SYSTEM FAIL...OR...THE DAY I DISCOVERED I'M A NATURAL BLONDE

2010-09-17T09:53:00.000-07:00

*Shout out to Angela. I FINALLY did a new blog post. Now back off, Lady!

LOL, JK. Love ya!!*

When I first moved from California to Washington about 14 years ago, I had SO much stuff...okay!! Okay!! Shoes! I had SO many pairs of shoes to bring (100+ pairs to be exact), that Todd and I decided to take AmTrak up. We weren't in a hurry and thought that it would be a nice way to relax and see the country side. Aside from having to sleep upright in a chair, it was a REALLY nice experience. Part of the train experience is eatting in the dining car. The dining car has several (2 to be exact) seating options. There are either tables for 2 or tables for 4. One day for breakfast we decided to mingle with the other passengers and we sat at a table for 4 across from a lovely couple heading from California to Alaska.

We did the initial meet and greet small talk. You know the "Hi, I'm (insert name here)" "This is my (insert relation here)" etc, stuff. I sat quietly eating my pancakes for the first little bit and then I decided to open my mouth and join in on the conversation. In hindsight, I should've just sat there eating my pancakes.

Now, let me just say this, I've always thought of myself as a fairly intelligent person. Did good in high school. Did great in college. On the speech and debate teams, Honor Rolls, Dean's Lists, AP classes, etc, etc, but that one lovely day on the train is where the California Public School system failed me and I became an idiot.

Todd: So where are you two from?

Lady: We are from Alaska. We took the train from Alaska to San Francisco for vacation and we're on our way back now. Its been really nice. What about you two?

Todd: Oh I'm from Washington. I'm in the Navy and my ship is now stationed up there. This is my girlfriend Marti (I smile) and she's from the Bay Area. She's moving up to Washington so we can be closer until I finish my time with the Navy.

Lady: That's so lovely. I'm sure the long distance has been difficult. (Blah blah blah)

Me: So you're like from Alaska, huh? Cool. This must've been a totally long trip for you.

Man: Yeah, but it's been nice seeing the country side and just taking our time.

Me: So how long is the trip going to take you total?

Man: About 4 days. After Seattle, we'll have to go through Canada and then onto Alaska.

Me: WOW!! So once you go through Canada do you have to like cross a bridge or something to get to Alaska?

Lady: What do you mean, Dear?

Me: (Looking nervously at Todd) Ummm, I mean to get onto Alaska. Don't you have to cross a bridge to like get there? I mean it is an island right? And then like don't you have to like pay a toll or something to cross and then show ID for like the guards to let you in???

*insert crickets*

Todd: No, Marti, Alaska isn't an island, its attached to Canada. There's no bridge to cross.

Me: There must be. I mean like on all the maps I've ever seen, its like an Island that's surrounded by walls. You know, like for protection from invasion or something.

Man & Lady: *looking horrified at each other*

Todd: *stares at me like I just grew a 3rd eye* No, Marti. Trust me. It's NOT an Island. There are no walls and there is NO bridge.

Me: Well then who ever did the maps of the US is a moron. Cuz like on every map I've like ever seen Alaska and Hawaii are islands that are like protected with walls. You know like the military bases where you have to show ID to get on. *looking at man and lady* Do you have to show some form of ID to get into Alaska?

Man & Lady: Excuse us. We must be going now. Enjoy your breakfast and the rest of your trip.

I'm pretty sure they jumped off the train at that point just to avoid us...well mostly to avoid me. Sadly, it took another couple of years until I would FINALLY believe Todd that Alaska wasn't some sort of island that you need to cross a bridge and show ID to get onto.

Thanks California Public Schools for making me a moron!

Sisters from another Mister!

2010-05-14T10:12:00.000-07:00

There is a poem called "Reason, Season, Lifetime" The jest of it is that people come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime. I believe it to be so true. We are meant to learn a lesson from everyone we come in contact with, even if they are just in our life for a very short amount of time. Whether its to get us out of a crappy job, a crappy relationship or to be the pathway to meeting the person that you were meant to spend the rest of your life with. Recently I had the pleasure of meeting such a person.

Our situation didn't start out as traditional as most do, she's my X-husband's girlfriend. Over the 9 months that they have been dating, we met in person once, DM'd on FB a few times, but other than that, not much interaction. Upon meeting her for the first time, I thought she was an amazing person. You could just see the life, the light, the energy radiating from her and yes, I was jealous. She is such a beautiful person inside and out. I was jealous, not of their relationship, but of her self-confidence, something I wasn't feeling at the time that I met her. However, last Saturday I had the pleasure of getting to spend the day with her and learned that we have SO much in common!!! We believe in the power of positive thinking. We know that we are strong, positive, powerful women, whether we are with a man or not. We want the same things out of life and we want the same things for my son (which is MOST important). I ALWAYS told my X that in my heart of hearts, I wanted his S.O. to treat my son as if he were their own and to be able to be at family functions together without any weirdness between us. I have to say that L treats my son as if he were her own and I love her for that.

So we met at a restaurant last Saturday with plans to go out for a walk around the lake to talk. I got to the restaurant first and as soon as I saw her, it was like seeing my childhood BFF!!! It wasn't awkward or weird and neither of us were standoff-ish as some X's and new S.O.s might be. We met each other with a BIG hug. We sat and talked for hours. Then we did girlie stuff like get fake eyelashes done at Nordstrom. I had NEVER laughed SO much or had SO much fun with someone that I barely knew. We just had this instant connection. She spent the night at night at my house and we literally stayed up until 2am just talking. We found that we just had SO much in common. Even our workouts are similar and we want to try the same things like a pole dancing class. She just has SO much confidence and energy radiating from her, its contagious, not to mention that she's just gorgeous, picture Demi Moore. And she says just the right things just when I need to hear them most.

I do hope that she and my X are a "lifetime". But if not, I know that she met him for a "reason". She and I are seriously like sisters!!! And although we have REALLY only gotten to know each other for a week, I love her as if we had known each other for the past 30 years.

I just wanted to say a HUGE thank you to L. You are a WONDERFUL person and I LOVE having you in my life!

Do any of you have people like that in your life???

10 Things.....

2010-04-29T15:39:00.000-07:00

So this has been going around the blogging World and I FINALLY got tagged, so I guess its my turn to tell you 10 things about me that you may OR may not know.

When I'm heartbroken, to deflect the pain, I get a new tattoo or piercing. It helps me to deal with the heart ache. That might be why I have 6 tattoos and 9 piercings. And another one is on the way.
On my 16th birthday, my Mom took me to see INXS and The Soup Dragons at the Oakland Coliseum, INXS said "Happy Birthday" to me!!!
I'm totally random when it comes to music. My iPod has everything from Shania Twain to TPain to Johnny Cash to Godsmack on it and everything 80's in between.
I FINALLY believed at love at first sight at 32 when I first met S.
I HATE being alone. Even grocery shopping by myself annoys me. I feel like people are judging me as the "crazy cat lady".
I'm a total sports fan! Be it football or hockey, I'm into it ALL!!! I would MUCH rather be at a ball game with a beer and a hot dog then at a fancy restaurant!
I'm impatient with my hair. If I want to cut it I will, I won't wait for an appointment, I will just go and do it myself. And I hate paying for something I can do myself.
I have a HUGE secret that some people will understand and some won't. But S LOVES my secret!!!
I wanted to be a pediatrician when I grew up. In college, I changed my major to fashion design because I wanted to party more than I wanted to study.
I LOVE being a T-ball Mom!!! I LOVE watching P playing ball, although I wish I were out there with him.

Bonus: #11: I have more bra and panty sets than Victoria Secrets!!!

Double bonus #12: I'm ADDICTED to chapstick. And when I say "addicted" I mean I need a 12 step program to help me get off it.

So, what are your 10 things???

4:20

2010-04-20T09:42:00.000-07:00

Unless you are living under a rock, you will know that today is 4:20...international Pot Smoking day. Honestly, I REALLY have NO idea what that means or where it comes from, however, on ALL of the radio shows today they have been debating the idea of legalizing pot or not. I thought I would chime in. Now this is just my opinion not fact mind you and I REALLY have no stats to back it up....hence it being an opinion. And NO, I'm not a pot smoker.

I for 1 DO NOT believe that Mary Jane is the "gate way" drug. I currently know, have grown up with and have known in the past "pot heads" who have never ventured to anything other than being a "pot head" vs a meth-fiend, coke-addict, etc etc. I don't believe that pot is a dangerous drug or will lead you to other more harmful drugs. Knowing the people that I have in the past, its quiet the opposite, unless you are hiding a box of twinkies from them! More people have been killed by alcoholics then by pot smokers and alcohol is legal. I think a lot of it has to do with the friends and crowd that you hang out with. And I think that some kids become addicted to pills, alcohol or worse without ever having tried pot especially at a younger age, thanks to their parents.

I honestly think that it should be legalized and then policed, like alcohol. Let the government tax it and reap some of the revenue that they are missing out on now. It might actually solve some of the budget deficit problems that so many states are having now. I mean people are going to do it whether it is legal or not, so just legalize it, tax it and put some of that money back into the state for other programs.

Also, let's look at the farmers. Farmers could harvest hemp and sell it for things like clothing, medicinal purposes, etc and could save a lot of the small farms that are going out of business because we are importing items from other countries for a few cents less a dollar.

Honestly, when was the last time you read or heard on the news that someone drove the wrong way down the freeway because they were high on pot??? Nope, usually drunk. Or about when someone went on a 3 day pot binge and killed their family??? Nope, usually meth. Pot doesn't make you lose your teeth like meth or get "tracks" like heroine. At worse, you have no drive and therefore are not a productive member of society....or maybe your are a functional pot head. Honestly, the majority that smoke pot that I have known, would rather play X-Box all day, then have to get into a car to drive anywhere. Think about it!

Either way, I think it should be legalized and then policed. If it can work in other countries, why not this one? I mean we seem to think that we are so much more superior, then let's prove it. Its not like marijuana is a brand new thing, its been around since the time of the Bible and before.

What's your opinion?

Life IS Beautiful!!!

2010-04-15T20:11:00.000-07:00

*Life IS Beautiful*

Okay so this is probably a bit morbid, but I have had "Life is Beautiful" by Sixx A.M. on repeat on my iPod for like the last hour or so now. Yes, I am singing along (poorly) and know all the words. There is a line in the song that says "Will you swear on your life that no one will cry at my funeral". So it got me thinking. How would I like my funeral to be. NO!!! I'm not dying or going to do anything stupid, but it got me to thinking. How would I like my funeral to be??? I know for sure, I DON'T want one of those stanchy, quiet, traditional, ceremonial funerals....you know like your Great-Grandmother had with the black Catholic veil et all. I want a fucking party. I want it loud and I want it insane. I have led a GREAT life and I continue to lead a great one, so why NOT celebrate it?!?! I don't want passages from the "bible" read or "Amazing Grace" sang. THAT'S.JUST.NOT.ME!!!

Here's what I do want. I want shots of Jaeger passed out at the door as people enter then pour one out for the hommie (aka me). I want a ton of flowers....okay so that's pretty traditional, but flowers are a must, especially my favs, Star Gazer Lilies. I don't want people to cry. I want people to have fun. I want a good old fashioned Irish wake where everyone gets shit faced and tells funny and embarrassing stories about me....primarily so I can haunt them later for ever repeating those stories! LAWL I don't want to be dressed in some ugly ass beaded gown. I want to go out all in black wearing my combat boots! Black hair, black eyeliner and red lips! And I don't want sappy churchy music. I want the place to rock. I want to raise the dead, pardon the expression. I want my favorite bands played. Like Korn, Rob Zombie, Motley Crue, The Cure (okay, so they are kind of emo), Rammstein, Skinny Puppy, Linkin Park. I want it to feel more like a party, cuz it is. Fucking drink up people, I'm the one paying for this shit and I'll be watching!!!

Like I said, morbid, I know. But the song got me thinking. I don't want people crying for me. I want people to celebrate my memory and what GREAT times we had together. I also want "Life Is Beautiful" by SIXX A.M. played as people enter and take their shots of Jaeger. I'm putting the FUN back in funeral motha fuckers!!!

Have you guys ever thought about what you want your funeral to be like????

GOOOOOOOAAAALLLL!!!

2010-04-15T09:11:00.000-07:00

I know that at or around New Years, everyone posts their goals for the year. And I thought to myself, eh fuck 'em, I'm going to do mine in April. Screw the robotic majority, they are boring and dull and I have ALWAYS danced to the beat of another drummer (like Tommy Lee)! Having said that, I have made some goals for myself this year. Hard to believe, I know! There are several things that I want to accomplish this year. Will I actually make it, IDK, guess you'll just have to stay tuned to find out, but I'm putting in the effort and that's what matters. So in NO particular order here are my goals for 2010:

I AM going to buy a road bike (bicycle). My goal is to complete a century (100 miles) before the end of summer. I think I have a fairly good shot at achieving this since I can easily do 10 miles and I did 20 miles with no problem last year. I'm sure I'm kidding myself, but what do I have to lose? And just think of how HOT my legs will look with all the training. HELLO short skirts and high heels!!!!!
I AM going to get out on my mountain bike and conquer that damn trail. It beat the h3ll out of me last summer but NOT this year. H3ll hath NO fury like a woman scorned and trail, you scorned me last year!!! You should fear this!! Not to mention that the trail is SUPER close to work so I can go after work is done! I would say on lunch, but come on, who am I trying to kid! LAWL
I'm going to do a 5k Warriors Dash with my friend TL. Basically its a 5k run with obstacles (IE:wall climb, mud pit, etc) and a beer waiting for you when you are done. I would run a 100k for a beer. Now if any of you know me, you know I HATE....no LOATH running. Seriously, if I were ever chased by muggers, they could take whatever they wanted. Not to mention that the Goddess gave me an extra serving of boobs and it sucks to run with the girls. But I'm going to train and do it! (I'm on the email to register when they open up the WA registration).
I'm going to spend more time in California. When I first moved up here, I would visit every 3-4 months. Now it seems like I only visit once a year. And while its like a visit from the President when I do go with all the pomp and circumstance (yes, they even play the song for me when I exit the plane), I miss my friends dearly. Not to mention that my Grandparents and my nephew aren't getting any younger.
I'm hoping with all of this *gulp* exercise, I will get down to my pre-marriage weight of 125. Not so much a goal as it is an added perk. 6 pack-abs is a GREAT revenge on the X! *Evil laughter*
Feel comfortable *gulp* in a bikini!
Go to as many concerts as I can and party it up this summer!!! That should be an easy one to mark off. I already got tickets to The Mayhem Festival starring Korn and Rob Zombie before they even went on sale and I'm going to the Super Hero Crawl in Reno the weekend before. No brainer, we can just check that one off the list now!!! S and I went to the Super Hero Crawl a few years ago and had an AWESOME time partying with my friends from high school. I can't wait to go again this year!!!
Get at least 1 more tattoo before the end of summer and 1 more piercing. Okay we can pretty much check that one off the list as well, that's no brainer.
And finally, World Peace.

Okay maybe not so much #9 and if any of you have seen "Miss Congeniality" you will get the joke. If not, what the h3ll is wrong with you!!! No, seriously, what the h3ll is wrong with you?!?! Of course there are the normal things like to be the best Mom I can to P-man, which is a daily goal and to lose weight, but who doesn't list that as one of their goals? Seriously though, I will keep everyone up to date on how I'm doing. So do any of you have any goals for this year? If so, what are they?

So Sappy Sweet-You'll need to visit the dentist after!!

2010-03-22T12:40:00.001-07:00

** YES!! My shirt does say "Will Fuck For Shoes". S bought it for me! **

2 years ago today my friends TL & V took me out dancing for my upcoming birthday. TL said that she invited a friend that she had known for years and thought we would get a long famously. TL played the go between sending pix of us back and forth to each other. From his pictures, he seemed cute and nice, so why not let him crash "Girl's Night Out". As we pulled into the parking lot of the restaurant/club, I saw THE.MOST.TALL.DARK.HANDSOME.MAN...EVER!!! I quietly prayed to myself "oh please let that be S, oh please let that be S." Then the panic started and I quietly prayed "oh no, that can't be S. oh crap!" Sure enough it was S.

He joined us for dinner while TL played interference and we both text her secretly about how cute the other one was. One thing led to another and I invited him to go out dancing with us. This was after he was so kind as to buy me a birthday shot of Jaeger...Man after my own heart! =D We exchanged numbers before he had to leave for a "guy's" thing. He promised to call me on Monday and he did. Of course, I had sent him some annoying and probably incoherent drunk texts that night as the girl's partied on. But he still called just like he said he would, a TRUE Gentleman!!! And as they say, the rest is history.

He is the kindest, sweetest, honest, most giving and generous person I had EVER met. And TL was right, we get along perfect. We LOVE the same music, movies, books, style. You name it and we have it in common. I had found my Soul Mate. I had never believed in LOVE at first sight until then. I once had thought I had fallen in love when I was 20 with Jason (that's a post for a later time), but I was wrong. I fell in love that night with S. And all these years later, I still get giddy and nervous and anxious just at the thought of seeing him. My heart skips a beat and flutters whenever I see him and I'm giggly like a school girl whenever we are together.

Sure things haven't always been smoothest, but what relationship doesn't have it's ups and downs??? But in the end, he owns my heart and always will!

What a difference a year makes!

2010-03-20T09:00:00.000-07:00

Today marks a milestone in my life. No I'm NOT getting married again and it's NOT my birthday. Nope, today is the anniversary of my divorce. I have OFFICIALLY been divorced for 1 year today.

I have to admit that I have mixed emotions about it. I LOVE being married. I LOVE being known as "Mrs. _____" I LOVE taking care of my husband and being BFFs. But it just didn't work. I AM happy to say that we are still GREAT friends. In fact, probably better friends than we were when we were married. I know that he has my back no matter what happens and I have his. I dare a woman to break his heart. She'll have to deal with my wrath. And of course, we have P-man. He is THE.MOST.IMPORTANT thing in our lives. I know "they" say that things happen for a reason. So if that means that P was the out come of that "reason" then it was well worth the ride.....NO pun intended!!! =D

Seriously though. T is a GREAT guy. ANY woman is lucky to capture his heart and his love. It just turns out that we made better friends then husband/wife. No regrets on my part. And I'm sure none on his....look what we got out of it. A spunky, loving, cheerful, happy son...who will be turning 5 in May...OMG time flies, but that's another post. You might be asking yourself: Do you miss T? Of course I do. We shared some AMAZING times together. I learned things about myself and grew as a woman and for that I thank him and will be ETERNALLY grateful. And sure we can still hang out, have a beer, rip on people and just be. I think that's the way it should be.

So on the anniversary of my divorce, I'm NOT going to cry. I'm going to remember the good times. And say Thank You, T, for allowing me to be a part of your life for 12 years!!! And here's to another 12!!!

Get our your rusty, dirty, dull knives

2010-03-19T16:05:00.000-07:00

I miss S. I miss him SOOOO much. I would do ANYTHING to get him back. I miss the way he smiles and the way he laughs. I miss emailing him during the day and texting him at night and on kid weekends. I MISS HIM!!!! Ppl say that I should just move on, but I can't. How can you leave your soul mate?!?!? How???

I miss S. I miss him SOOOO much. There really isn't a point to this post other then that I miss him and I still love him. I always will!!!It took me years to find him and I'm NOT about to let him go. I just.....I just don't know what to do. He promises to talk to me, but he never does. I'm hanging on by a string. IDK what to do. I thought I once felt hurt like this before (that another post), but I never have. I have NEVER given my heart to someone unconditionally and had it broken. And as he will tell y'all, its my own fault. I'm the one that broke my own heart....and he's right. That's the part that sucks.

I miss S. I miss him SOOOO much. I want him back. I will do ANYTHING to get him back...ANYTHING. =( I miss texting him "good morning" and texting him "good night". I miss him. =(

Xzibit A

2010-03-19T12:39:00.000-07:00

So as much as I LOVE Xzibit and I follow him on Twitter, this post is NOT about Xzibit. Although, OMG, I have to admit that I have a MAJOR crush on him. He's just SOOOO cute and funny, I just want to pinch his cheeks....the ones on his face....Jeez sickos!!! LOL. No this post is about WHY I'm thinking about going private. I know I said that Monday was going to be my last day public, but I have A LOT of friends on facebook who check out my blog periodically and I didn't want to totally go private. So I have stayed public. But with a comment made today, I'm really, seriously considering going private.

I did a blog post yesterday about P going into T-ball and how THAT MIGHT mean that he and Z will be on the same team, if nothing else, they will be playing against each other at some point in the season and I will have to look at Dbag's ugly ass face a couple of times in the season. ALL of the comments I received were positive and helpful....except for one. And I'm PRETTY sure I know who it came from. I did delete it from the comment section, but I'm having 2nd thoughts now. So I thought I would dedicate a complete blog post to it. Nothing pisses me off more than people who post shyt as "anonymous". How fraking chicken shit is that??? If you are going to spend the time and energy to read and then post a comment at least make yourself known. So here's the comment: Anonymous has left a new comment on your post "All I can do is laugh and Karma just might be a bi...": First of all I would to thank you for keeping me so entertained with your ludicrous remarks....I think the Dbag you should be referring to is yourself. I cannot believe how snowed your friends are in thinking that you have it soooo bad when in fact you bring on your own drama...know what I have to say about that....FUCK'N GROW UP!!!

Now I can't say 100% for sure if it is in fact the Dbag herself or one of her fat ugly sisters, but its someone in that VERY dysfunctional family. I'm guessing that its NOT the Dbag herself, because I have enough texts and emails from her to know that her grammar and spelling are worse than my pre-schoolers!!! And I'm pretty sure that IF the Dbag even knew what the word "ludicrous" meant, she wouldn't be able to spell it right. But still, it's comments like that that I can do without. I mean, really, is that necessary??? No. And really the energy and time that I'm spending on responding to it, I need to ask Goddess for that hour of my life back!!! But I digress. So I'm STILL contemplating going private, but as I have said before, I think being "private" on a public site is just dumb. So from here on out, I will no longer allow "anonymous" comments. If you aren't man OR woman enough to put your name to your comment, then Shut The Fuck Up!!!

All I can do is laugh and Karma just might be a bitch!

2010-03-18T10:49:00.000-07:00

Awwww...Spring is here!!! The days are staying lighter longer, the flowers are in bloom, the smell of fresh cut grass and the baseball season. I'm NOT a huge baseball fan...okay I'M NOT a baseball fan. I'm RTG by the 2nd inning. In fact the only thing I do like about baseball is sitting out in the sun, soaking up the rays and drinking beer. However, this year Pman will be playing his first season of T-ball and he's VERY excited about it. Its a right of passage of sorts. My brother played for years and I played softball for as long as I can remember. I remember my poor mom having to run between to totally difference ball field locations to drop one child off, get the other to their game, run back to the first, pick them up and then run back to the 2nd game. I don't think she EVER saw a complete game the ENTIRE time we played. But she was dedicated.

Oh right, to the reason of my post. So P-man is playing T-ball this year. In talking with my X this morning I found out that he signed P up to play in Kent. IDK why Kent. I live in Federal Way and the X lives in Auburn, he could've picked either city, but chose Kent. So what's the big deal, right??? Well, Zoe is also playing T-ball. Now at this age, I'm PRETTY sure that the teams are co-ed....which means, there is a good chance that they COULD be on the same team....see where I'm going with this?!?! Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller? RIGHT-which means I MAY have to spend practice time AND games around Dbag. And even if they are NOT on the same team, I'm pretty sure chances are that they will have to play each other. Again, anyone? Anyone? RIGHT-I'll have to spend at least a couple of games in the season sitting across the stands from her. ARGH!!! WHICH ALSO means that the X and S will be around each other. I'm NOT so worried about them, they can be adults, its Dbag that worries me. *sigh*

I guess I shouldn't stress yet, we haven't even been contacted by the coach, so we really don't know IF they will be on the same team or not, but still. Just the thought of having to be in the same vicinity as her, makes me want to hurl. I mean what do I do? If they are on the same team, do I ask to have P moved to another team, although he would be playing with his best friend??? IDK.

What would you guys do? Should I just be the better person and let the kids play and try to stay out of her way?!?! ARGH!!! I'm stressing already. Guess I'll just wait to see what happens. I'll keep you all posted!

HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY!!

2010-03-17T13:40:00.000-07:00

Well its that time of year again. It's St. Patrick's Day. Erin Go Bragh, y'all!! As much as I typically look forward to this time of year, the corned beef, potatoes, the Guinness, the debauchery...sadly this year, I'm not. I'm Irish and can't even seem to get into the spirit this year. Sad, I KNOW!!! Of course I wore green today. Had to for Preston. He kept harping on me that he being a little leprechaun would come and pinch me if I didn't, so I put on my "Every Loves An Irish Girl" green t-shirt, put on a smile, had Lucky Charms for breakfast and dropped my little leprechaun off at school.....and then I cried. I miss S so much!!! I remember what we were doing this time last year. How happy we were. And now all I do is cry.

To get me out of my "funk" my friend V has asked me to go out with her tonight. A little socializing, some pool and some fresh air....funny, I don't want any part of it. I want to curl up into a little ball in my soft, warm bed and cry myself to sleep like I do most nights. I'm pathetic, I know. But I'll go, only because I made a promise, and I haven't had a "girls" night out in a while. Besides, if people can't trust and rely on your word, then you really have nothing. I will put on a smile, be nice, be polite, but the whole time I'll be missing and thinking about S. Wishing, hoping, praying that I could come home to his waiting arms, warm smile, sweet eyes and wonderful kisses. =(

I'm NOT drinking this year...for several reasons. Some more important than others, but I guess water can be just as fun right?!?! I just wish that she wasn't wanting to go out at 9:30pm. B-jesuz...doesn't she know that I'm old and I'm in bed by then....especially lately. But I'll go. Actually I'll probably sit in my car like Cameron from Ferris Bueller and contemplate going, only to finally go. But I'll still be missing S. This just fucking sucks!!!! I miss MY boyfriend and I want him back! I want to be happy again and I want to stop feeling/looking like Eeyore with a little black cloud over me.

Oh well. Erin Go Bragh! I hope you all have a great St. Patricks Day. Now go have a drink...or 6 for me!

I'm SORRY Baby!!!

2010-03-15T10:44:00.000-07:00

Sometimes it takes someone elses words to express just how I'm feeling. Just how badly, I want S to know just how sorry I am and just how badly I want him back. *SOBS* All I can say is-I'm sorry.

Oh I had a lot to say, was thinking my time away

I miss you and things weren't the same

'Cause everything inside it never comes out right

And when I see you cry, it makes me want to die

I'm sorry, Im bad, I'm sorry, I'm blue

I'm sorry about all the things I said to you

And I know I can't take it back

I love how you kiss, I love all your sounds

And baby the way you make my World go round

And I just wanted to say, I'm sorry

This time I think, I'm to blame

Its harder to get through the days

You get older and blame turns to shame

'Cause everything inside it never comes out right

And when I see you cry, it makes me want to die

I'm sory, I'm bad, I'm sorry, I'm blue

I'm sorry about all the things I said to you

And I know, I can't take it back

I love how you kiss, I love all your sounds

And baby, the way you make my World go round

And I just wanted to say, I'm sorry

Every single day, I think about how we came all this way

The sleepless nights and the tears you cried

Its never to late to make it right

Sorry

I'm sorry, baby

SORRY!!!

*Sorry by Buck Cherry*

So much for MY happy ending!

2010-03-13T10:57:00.000-08:00

Well, I think that picture pretty much sums up how I'm feeling. I miss S SOOO much. And yes, I was the one that did wrong. I lied to him. *SOBS* And you know, to be honest, I NEVER EVER cheated on him. NEVER EVER wanted to. NEVER EVER thought about it. Didn't even look at another man. But I lied. I lied about the dumbest of shit. I mean really stupid dumb ass shit. Like going out to dinner with my old boss and his wife. Well that was part true, P and I did go out to dinner with my old boss, even posted it on FB, even told S where we were going. But I lied about his wife being there. She wasn't. I should've just told S to come along with us and make it a great evening out. But for whatever reason, past relationships maybe, I lied. I thought....FUCK, IDK what the hell I was thinking. I wasn't cheating though. Then after dinner P and I planned to come home to S. Well that all went to hell. =(

Then took a friend out to lunch for his birthday. S asked if I had anything to drink. Again, knee-jerk reaction was to lie and say no. But I did. I had 1 & 1/2 beers. I know, I know, dumb of me. So I finally conceded and told S the truth, but it was too late. Oh yeah, also tried a Bacon Vodka Bloody Mary....its NOT my style. Talk about nursing something. I did tell S about that, but again too late. I'm not supposed to be drinking for several reasons, and I do good for about 2 weeks then I just HAVE to have something and so I did. I thought, fuck, its my friend's birthday and who will it hurt? I'll see S in 6 hours and will be sober by then. No big deal, right? WRONG!!! Man, was I WAY WRONG!!! And yes, fucking ratarded of me to post it on twitter. Go figure, the 1 time he actually checks out my twitter page. Never mind all the crap that's on there about hurting and missing him, that the 1 thing he zones in on. But again, can't blame S, its my doing, my fault.

There have been other little "white" lies here and there over the past 6 months or so. Ones that hurt him little by little tearing a hole, here I thought I was protecting me AND protecting him....nothing major....though as it turns out they were major...major to him. And yes, I DO know what its like to be lied to and I NEVER wanted to hurt S the way that I had been hurt. But I did. And as S told me, all I can do now is live with the consequences of MY actions. *SOBS*

But I miss him. I miss him soooo fucking much. I wish he knew how sorry I am, how messed up and empty I am without him. I wish he knew. But I can't tell him. Why you might ask? Well see, he's blocked me from EVERY media site. FB, Twitter, Mysp@ce, even my phone number is blocked, can't text, can't call. All because I screwed up and lied to him. *SOBS* ::have to wipe tears, insert music here:: I do know that he reads my blog...or I should say at least USED to read it, IDK if he does anymore. But I hope he knows that my heart is broken and I'm SO truly sorry. *SOBS* I never meant to hurt him...NEVER. But that seems to be my pattern. But all that's going to change!!! Turning over a new leaf. A new season is upon us and what better time to start making change than the present?!?!? And yes sometimes the truth will hurt, but you know what, it hurts a HELL of a lot less than being lied to.

So, S, if you are reading this, please just know how truly sorry I am. I hope and pray that you will let me back in and show you that I mean what I say. I.WILL.NEVER.HURT.OR.LIE.TO.YOU.AGAIN!!!! Even if it takes the rest of my life, I WILL prove that to you. I miss you terribly and I LOVE YOU dearly!!!! I miss my soul mate! *SOBS*

Broken hearted

2010-03-12T12:38:00.000-08:00

I'm pretty sure that the title says it all. I feel like my heart has been ripped out of my chest and stomped on. This SUCKS!!! I miss S, SOOO much. I just wish there was some way, some how to stop the hurt. IDK, they say that in time ALL wounds heal, but then again I'm not sure that I want it to. Its the reminder I have of him. *SOBS* My heart was first broken back when I was 20, it took 12 years for that to heal and then I FINALLY met my soul mate. We laughed, we loved, we shared, we made plans for the future....and then I FUCKED UP!!! I mean we're not just talking a little whoopsie, I mean a MAJOR.FUCK.UP!!! The fuck up of ALL fuck ups. And so now he is gone and there is nothing I can do. My friends tell me to just give him time and space and things will work out. But I can't. See I'm SO fucking OCD that I have to keep pushing and pushing myself on him until I FINALLY pushed him away. *SOBS*

I LOVE EVERYTHING about this man. The way he smiles, laughs, kisses, touches. The way he smells, holds me, treated me well BEYOND belief. And the s3x, well....!!! What can I say?!?! He is SO perfect. EVERYTHING I EVER WANTED. EVERYTHING I EVER ASKED FOR. And now....now he's gone. And I have no one to blame but myself. *SOBS* I miss the way we used to be. I mean he has my bite mark tattooed on him for Goddess sake and I have him and OUR kids tattooed on me. I just don't know what to do anymore. I just want to curl up in a little ball and die.

I cry. I cry ALL the time. I cry to the point that I make myself throw up. *SOBS* And then I scream to just make the hurt go away. Nothing helps....NOTHING. The only thing that will make this hurt stop is to be near him again. I try to focus on Preston, but then it only reminds me of the times that we spent with S. Preston asks me how come he can't see S or Zoe??? And then I start to cry and sob all over again. *SOBS* Its one thing to hurt me, but when my son hurts, that just fucking sucks. And again, all I can do is blame myself.

I know, now everyone is going to go grab a dull, rusty kitchen knife. But these are some of the things that I'm dealing with. And I'm sure there will be MORE posts like this. I hope one day....soon, to be able to post that MY soul mate and I are back together. I would give ANYTHING to have S back in my...our lives. Until then, I shall continue to mourn my heart.

Bite me!!!

2010-03-12T12:03:00.000-08:00

So since there is A LOT of shit going on right now, I'm putting my blog private...at least for the mean time. At least until I can get some things figured out. I've already had to delete not one but TWO posts for ppl leaving certain comments and then making them "anonymous". FRAKIN' CHICKEN!!!! If you're not going to put your name, then don't say anything at all.

I hate the fact that I have to even censor myself. It sucks. It also sucks to go "private" cuz I'm probably THE biggest person to bitch about having something "private" on a public media site. If you wanted to keep your thoughts private, just invest in a diary. But I digress.

So, if you are at all interested in continuing to read my insanity, leave me a comment. I'll wait until Monday to completely go private. After that you'll have to DM me on Twitter or Facebook.

Nightmare on Elm Street

2010-02-08T16:12:00.001-08:00

The picture actually has a double meaning because the cunt does wear tacky sweaters, but she also invades my childs dreams. While I have to LOL at the first part, I cry with the fact that she scares my child.

Ever since the cunt spoke to Master P in the parking lot of our home during the summer of 2009, he has been having reoccurring nightmares that the "bad lady" is coming to kill me and to "get" him. I'm NOT quite sure what "get" him means, he refuses to elaborate, but it pisses me off. I try to calm him down and soothe him, like any good Mother would, but the dreams continue. He wakes up screaming at the top of his lungs for me in the middle of the night. He wakes up with the shakes and cold sweats, but the courts didn't seem to think that that mattered. My father, who is American Indian, bought P a dream catcher and had it blessed, that, however, hasn't seemed to help. IDK what to do. He is petrified that the "bad lady" is coming to get us. Its gotten so bad, that he refuses to sleep by himself or with the lights off. He's afraid that if he doesn't sleep with me that the "bad lady" is going to kill me. ARGH!!! A 4 YEAR OLD SHOULDN'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT THIS. He keeps asking me if I'll watch over him when I go to Heaven soon. FUCK ME!!!!

Some nights are better than others, of course. The nightmares seem to be worse after he spends the weekend with his best friend, Z, who happens to be the cunt aka "bad lady"s daughter. His most recent nightmare was Sunday night. I'm at my wits end.

I DID not tell him that I went to court and that they ruled against us. I thought that would only play into his fears. I just try to reassure him, as best as I can, that he's safe with me and with his Daddy and no one will EVER hurt him. Of course, if they try, then I will rip their throats out with a smile and happily spend the rest of my life in jail!!! You don't FUCK with my child! He constantly asks that the "white light" surrounds him, his Mommy and our house. Sadly, I've done everything I can do legally. Now, I guess I'll have to leave it up to karma. OH how I hope I'll get to be the one to shove the karma up her narrow, flat ass. Usually it doesn't happen that way, but one can hope.

I'm at my wits end. Do any of you have any suggestions?!?! This is too much pressure for a 4 year old to handle. He's a sweet and caring soul and worries about his Mommy WAY too much. =( Makes me want to cry.

Day 2

2010-02-06T15:39:00.000-08:00

So today is day 2. And I have to say, so far, so good. I woke up this morning with the love of my life by my side. He told me that he loved me. To add to my excitement, I'm such a lucky girl, he got up with the kids at 7am and let me sleep in until about 9am. It was nice considering that I haven't really had a good nights sleep in over 3 days. I LOVE him SO much.

Today is day 2. Its been....nice. This morning Steven went on a bike ride with his two kids, which left me alone with Preston. Normally boredom is something that leads me to start drinking, but today we got out of the house and did stuff. It was an unusually GORGEOUS February day in Washington, so I took Master P to the driving range. Nothing like a little workout to ease the urges. OMG!!! We had SO much fun. He got complimented by EVERYONE on his form and his golf swing. *proud Mom bows* (Thank you, thank you, he's a natural, NO instruction what-so-ever.) We had a GREAT time, just me and Master P. Even I was hitting the balls good. They were flying straight and far with that little "ting" from the driver to let you know when you hit it right on.

Tonight we are looking forward to having Steve and Z spend the night at our house. I want to show and to prove to Steve that I can keep a promise. I can fight my own demons for the sake of our relationship and that I'm NOT a horrible mother. I just hope I can succeed.

Tomorrow, as most of you know, is the Super Bowl. The drinking day of drinking days right after St. Patty's day. In years past, I would go over a friend's house and we would bet with drinks. For example: You bet on who wins the coin toss, loser drinks. Who scores the 1st touchdown, loser drinks. The first points are a result of a field goal, loser drinks. As you can see, we would be FUCKED UP before the end of the first quarter....NOT this year. The ONLY drinking I will be doing is water and Gatorade 2 (G2). At least I'll get to see the half time performance before I pass out this year.

But its worth it. I have MY boys with me tomorrow. And they are worth it! I AM WORTH IT!!!

Day 1 part deux (times a thousand)

2010-02-06T15:21:00.000-08:00

` I was doing so good, damn-it, then I went to court and lost to the cunt. ARGH!!! Well that just sent me on a downward spiral....I went on pretty much a 3 day binger. Back to my old habits of drinking wine to ease the pain and pissing off those that I love. I won't rehash the court post, you can read it for yourself, but let's just say that I'm TOTALLY, COMPLETELY, UTTERLY pissed off at the State of Washington, the City of Kent and their eff-ing judges, but I digress. Anyhow as I was saying, I turned to my friend Mr. Wine to ease the pain and disappointment. The first day, I held it together pretty well...although Steven had to put me to bed at 6:30pm ONLY for me to pop up wide awake at 10:30pm to want to do it all again. The next day it got worse. I started fights with him via texts, he took back his house keys, more fights via texts. Then name calling, cheap shots AND lies....ALL on my part. What can I say??? I'm a horrible bitch of a drunk.

So what is a girl to do after she's fucked everything up??? The ONLY thing she can do, I begged and pleaded for forgiveness....again!!! On hands and knees I grovelled. Its wasn't a pretty sight, I'll tell you that. Once I would wake up from my stupor, I realized what I had done. I pushed away my soul mate. OMG, I'm a fucking bitch!!! No, no, really you all can agree.

Now what?, you might be asking. Well now I start all over again. Back to day one, for the thousandth time. Day one.....a day that he shouldn't have given me. Day one....a day that he DID give me. He agreed to talk (again) if I was sober....and I was. It was....easy, dare I say. I didn't even want to look at, think about or see a bottle of wine or an ounce of alcohol. I want to be a better woman for him.....and more importantly for Master P. I want to be there for them in spirit and in person. I was there in body, but not in other capacity.

Its tough, I'm NOT going to lie. But BOTH of the men in my life are SO totally worth the fight. I just hope that they know it. And so, Day 1 is done and over with. I didn't even think about having a drink, I didn't even WANT to have a drink. I just wanted to end the day with MY boys!!!

Court sucks

2010-02-03T11:57:00.000-08:00

For those of you who are my "friends" on facebook you already know this, for those of you who aren't, let me recap: On January 21st I filed an anti-harassment restraining order against the cunt...aka, Steve's ex wife, for me AND Preston (that's the important part, keep that part in mind). Today, February 3rd was our court date. And OMFG, things DID NOT turn out how I hoped. =(

I got to court early, our hearing was scheduled for 8:30am, I was there at 8:15. Finally at about 11am, it was my turn. I presented my case....with evidence. Like all of her FB messages to me, emails and over 1000 texts (no shittin) from her and her "son". She then presented her side. My emails to her, etc, etc. The judge heard both sides. I looked professional with ALL evidence in order, dressed in my most responsible looking outfit, and I was looking DAMN good, might I just say. Even my hair was having a good day. She looked like a homeless person with scraps of paper scattered here and there, dressed in what I'm pretty sure are Steve's old clothes, no makeup and I'm sure that she doesn't own a brush. Sadly, in the end, the judge said that she just didn't see any form of "unlawful" harassment *record scratches* EXCUSE THE FUCK OUT OF ME?!?! The cunt VERBALLY threatened MY son. Her kids will ONLY refer to me as "the bitch"....including the 4 year old. I have over 394 texts from the cunt in a span of 2 1/2 days. 2 1/2 days people!!! How does that NOT meet the definition of "unlawful" harassment?!?! I mean, BOTH Steve and I have told her to leave me the fuck alone. And yet she continues to harass me.

Am I completely innocent in the case...NO! I did text her back. But still. She has let air out of my tires, keyed my car and harassed me AND my son to no end. Still, the judge didn't see anything wrong with that. I brought up the point that the cunt has a DV charge and vandalism charge against her in Pierce county. And still, no "unlawful" harassment. WTF does she have to do, kill me,before they take this seriously?!?! No wonder our system is SO screwed up. ARGH. I'm so BEYOND frustrated and disappointed. And the worst part was having to watch the cunt walk out of that court room with a stupid smirk on her ugly face. Makes me just want to punch her.

IDK what to do next. I know she won't stop. Oh sure, things will quiet down for a few months, but she'll start up again. And when the Judge asked the cunt why she texts me so much, you know what the DBag said? Because she "just doesn't like me". Are you kidding me??? Grow up, you are 40 years old. Get a life...or better yet, get a job for that matter.

Maybe I did something wrong. Maybe I didn't bring enough evidence to court with me. But come on. I have 3 months worth of text records from her. Umpteen FB messages and emails from her. I even brought copies of emails that Steven had sent to her asking her to stop contacting me. Her only explanation...hope you're sitting down for this. She "wants to break us up so Steve will come back home and she won't have to work." Oh yeah and she "just doesn't like me". The judge told us both to grow up and then excused us.....with the cunt winning and wearing that stupid smirk on her ugly ass face. ARGH!!! I hate our court system. I can maybe...MAYBE understand the courts not issuing a no contact for me...but NOT issuing a "no contact" for P. Are you kidding me??? He has nightmares of the cunt coming to get us. What's wrong with the female judge???

But never fear friends, the judge did say that she's leaving the case open so that as soon as I get a text message, FB message or what not from the cunt, I can refile. Not to be a total bitch, but I'm hoping she contacts me soon!!!

Day 5

2010-02-02T10:59:00.001-08:00

Today marks day 5 since I've had a drink. No cheating, no sneaking, NO drinking. Has it been hard, yes!!! But I have found that I've been sleeping better THAN EVER!!!! I even wake up BEFORE my alarm...okay, just shoot me for that. But honestly, I've been sleeping better than ever!! Who knew?!?! I mean, somewhere, in my "sober" brain, I always knew that I slept better and woke up more refreshed after not drinking. Although I KNEW all of this, I would still wind up having 1 glass of wine to relax from a hard day at work, 1 glass would soon lead to 2 glasses and before I knew it, 2 BOTTLES were gone and I would pass out and wake up feeling shitty. NO MORE!!!

I have to say that so far my brother has been a HUGE support system. In just 8 short days, he will have been sober for 1 year. I asked him if its tough... "everyday" he said. I asked him if he has ever wanted a drink SO bad that he just couldn't take it...."everyday" he said. He is now my rock. Who knew that the "little" brother would be taking care of his "big" sister??? But he's been there, he knows what I'm going through and he has promised to support me EVERY step of the way.

Do I have an end date in mind? No. There are pub crawls coming up this summer with my friends, will I drink? IDK yet. I hope not, but when in Reno! LOL. All I know is that if I want things to turn around, I'm the ONLY one who can do it. So I've made a promise to myself. If...IF I can last 6 months, I will get a new tattoo. And at the 1 year mark, I will get my Fairie wings that I have ALWAYS wanted. Steven has gone one step farther. If I can make it to the 6 month point, we are going to Hawaii. He will pay for EVERYTHING. Well if that isn't incentive, then IDK what is. I've never been to Hawaii. And Steven said that if I make it to the 1 year mark, then we are going to Paris. OMG!!! The City of Lights. I have ALWAYS dreamt about going to Paris. The shops! The food!! The Eiffel Tower. Come one, its the city of "love". I won't even go near the wine section of the grocery store if it means I get to go to Paris. I won't even mention the word "wine" if it means I get to go to Paris. Guess I better get my passport.

In the end, my little brother is right....1 day at a time. Today is day 5. Will I have a drink? NO!! Tomorrow is day 6. I won't even start thinking about tomorrow until I wake up in the morning. Then day 7, so on and so forth. One step at a time and One day at a time. If I happen to fall down, no big deal, I won't be hard on myself. I will just pick myself up, dust myself off and start all over again. I WILL beat this and I WILL make Steven the happiest man on the planet. I know I can do this and I appreciate Steven's support SO much....SO much more than he will EVER know. I LOVE him. And I want to be the sweet, sweet ever loving GF that he sees when my "other" personality doesn't come out.

So as they say in our local afternoon radio program The Men's Room, "bottoms up sailors".....here's to NO "liquor and whores"!!! And here's to Hawaii and Paris!!!

BTW~ I have LOST 3 pounds in the last 5 days from NOT drinking. Well if that isn't motivation, IDK what is. Me, a bikini and Hawaii with my soul mate=Heaven!!!

Tick Tock, Tick Tock

2010-01-26T16:21:00.000-08:00

So I find myself FASTLY approaching 35....gasp!!! And in fastly approaching that age, I find myself yearning for a new baby. Master P will soon be turning 5 on the 23rd of May and at 35, I always pictured myself with a 2nd child. *sigh* Again trying to be honest and not really knowing what to say, I want a baby. Is it because my biological clock is going off or because my co-worker just had a baby OR is it because EVERYWHERE I go I see pregnant women, IDK.

I want to get big and "fat" with a baby. I want to read to him/her every night while still in the womb. I want to go 2 months without sleep. I want to feel him/her kick and roll around for the first time. I want to wonder for 10 months whom she or he will look like. What part of me will they get?? My eyes? The "Reilly" nose? What?? I want a baby. I want a baby, but I ALSO want a partner in this venture. So much more than in the past.

I want to smell that sweet, sweet smell of Johnson's and Johnson's bath wash. I want to be the Stay-at-home-Mom that welcomes her husband, with babe in arm, home from his busy day. I want to teach another child sign language and to count and say their alphabet in French....I want a baby.

IDK How to get it or what it means. All I know is that my biological clock is going off and I want another baby before I'm 36. That gives me about 1 1/4 years. I just the perfect partner who also shares in this next venture of my life.

Sorry, don't mean to scare anyone off. But it's just how I feel. I DON'T need to have a baby to feel "Complete" I already have the perfect boy, but I have just always known that I would have two kids.

My Life in Lists

2010-01-18T16:47:00.000-08:00

So after my last candid blog post (as Daylene noted) I thought I would let y'all into a little bit more of my psyche. Scary, isn't it?? I thought I would give you a list of my top 5 things in a few categories. Some are going to end up in your column of "well, DUH!" and some will be in the column of "oh WOW, I had NO idea." Shall we begin our journey into the dark, scary place known as my brain?!?!

My 5 Favorite Nostalgic Childhood Foods

PB & J sandwiches with Grape jelly and cut into 4's
Magic Shell
Tang
"fold over sandwiches" (ie just butter on a a piece of bread folded over)
Lik-m-aid

The 5 Articles of Clothing I Would Remove From Existence

Crocs and Uggs
Cut off jean shorts (and, YES I used to wear them....in the late 80's)
Baggy jeans
Pastels for men
Low rise jeans...especially on people with muffin tops who show their thongs!

5 Things That Always Bring Tears To My Eyes

Parents outliving their children
The birth of a baby
A wedding
The tears of a loved one
When Preston tells me that he loves me

The 5 Things I'd Take To A Desert Island

Lotion
Family Photos
A Cashmere Blanket
My iPod shuffle
Preston

5 Things That ALWAYS Bring A Smile To My Face

Preston
Steven
A good comedic movie
Cuddling up with those that I love
My family and friends

5 Things That Always Make Me Laugh

Preston
Steven
People who shop at Wal-Mart
When other people get hurt/fall
People who carry their dogs around in their purses
(this is an added bonus) Just stupid people in general. Like the DBag. =D

5 Things I Could NEVER Live Without

Preston
Laughter
A good book
Stormy weather, a fireplace and someone to cuddle up with
Good friends, good food, good wine and family

5 More Things I Could Never Live Without

A good Bra
A nice pair of high heels, like Manolo, Jimmy Choo or Colin Stewart
My hair straightener
A tan
Music

5 Movies I Could Watch Over and Over

Some Like It Hot
An Affair To Remember
Super Troopers
Dumb and Dumber
Rocky Horror Picture Show

5 Of My Favorite Theatrical Productions

Cats
Cabaret
The Nutcracker
Wicked
La Boheme

5 Things That Just Drive Me Nuts

People who can't drive
Stupid people in general
Injustice
The parenting laws in Washington State
People who only look out for their own pocket books

5 Completely Random Facts

I have 6 tattoos
I have at one time had as many as 13 piercings
I will ALWAYS be a California girl at heart
Had my heart broken at 21, it was finally repaired before my 33rd birthday
My son has me wrapped around his little finger and I spoil him rotten

5 Things I Miss Dearly

Saturday morning Cartoons that lasted from 7am -Noon
3 months of Summer Vacation
My Family
My Friends in California
My Guess jeans!!

So, that's my life in lists. What about you guys? What do you love? What do you love to hate? What just drives you nuts?!?! What do you miss??? Love to hear!!!

Step-kids

2010-01-14T22:34:00.000-08:00

I'm sitting here as Preston lays in a quiet slumber..okay NOT so quiet! I feel SO sorry for his future wife. That kid snores like there's no tomorrow. But IDK. I'm at a loss for words. I wish I could say something funny...something profound...something that someone could take away from this post and make their day better with, but I'm just not in that kind of mood. IDK why I'm here or what I'm trying to say. Perhaps I should talk about my New Year's goals. Perhaps I should recap 2009 for y'all. But I guess what I REALLY want to talk about is being a child of divorced parents.

It's NOT easy. I think the hardest toll is on us kids. We blame ourselves. Whether its our fault OR not (usually not) we blame ourselves. My parents got divorced when I was 2 years old. My little brother was barely out of the womb before the ink was dry on the divorce papers. I have NO recollection of time spent with my Dad other than a few pictures that I have seen here or there. And after he left, I ONLY saw him at certain holidays, my graduation (which I had to bully him into going to) and FINALLY my Wedding. Even after my wedding it was YEARS before I saw him again. I ALWAYS have to be the one to fly to Reno and his grandson was 2 BEFORE my Dad actually saw him in person. So going into a relationship with someone who is divorced with 2 kids and I myself, divorced with one, I think I have an unique perspective...or at least I would like to think so. Let me just say this: Disney and the other film studios have portrayed "Step-Moms" in a negative light. Lord knows that I have had my fair share...6 and counting. Did I like my latest "Step-Mom" at first??? NO. I was rude and mean to her. I told her that "I was too old for a Step-Mom and that I already had plenty of friends". Was I wrong??? YES. I was also 22, knew everything about the World and was COMPLETELY WRONG!!!!

I came to know and LOVE my Step-Mom for what she was and what she wasn't. She was/is MY friend. We found a common interest and common ground. IE: Horror movies and ghost stories. She believed in the super-natural like I did and didn't think I was crazy for it. She took an interest IN my interest. She saw me in my true light. A (at the time) 22 year old woman out on her own for the first time. And through my marriage, child birth and now, most recently, divorce, she has been by my side and utterly, sometimes brutally, honest. Have I always done things the "right" way?? NO, but who has??? She has LOVED me for me, not for what I wanted to be or for what I pretended to be, but for the REAL me...no strings attached.

She has been completely, utterly and sometimes, sharply honest with me. But she knows that she can, cuz she knows that she's the ONLY one who can. We are NOT tied together by blood, but by friendship. And I MISS her dearly. You see, she lives in Reno with my Dad. That's 800 miles away from me. I love my Dad with ALL of my heart...once a Daddy's girl, ALWAYS a Daddy's girl. But sometimes I get the feeling that Dad doesn't really know what to do with me. I think he still sees me as the 2 year old girl that he left behind.

I'm all grown up now. Did he walk be down the aisle? NO, I believe that right is earned and NOT just given to you because you donated sperm. (BTW~my brother, John, walked me down the aisle at my wedding) But we do have common interest, my Dad and I. We both LOVE NASCAR, we love to golf and we love to play darts. And I KNOW that I can drink his old ass under the table!! LOL Yet, somehow he would rather do those things with my brothers. Well you know what they say "Whatever a boy can do, girls can do better". So I have found a kindred spirit in my Step-Mom. Will she ever replace my "real" mom??? NO. But when times get tough and I don't know where to turn and I need a true friend who will tell me the truth NOT just what I want to hear, I find that I ALWAYS turn to my Step-Mom. Not to mention, I can tell her the MOST intimate of details and NOT get embarrassed about it.

Man, Walt Disney, did you have Step-Moms pegged ALL wrong! And now that I find myself, at 34 in the role of a soon-to-be-someday Step-Mom, I see it SO much clearer. We are NOT the evil, horrid creatures that you made us out to be, that ALL of us girls grew up watching. I DO NOT want to stick my step-daughter in the highest tower of the tallest castle because she is more beautiful. (I mean obviously, her father married me for a reason.) I DO NOT want to send some witch after her with a basket full of apples to put her in a coma like state until a Prince can come kiss her and wake her up. I want the best for MY child AND MY step-children, if I should ever have them. I want my step-kids to know that they ARE NOT the only ones to have gone through a divorce. You DO NOT need a Prince OR Princess to come kiss you and wake you from a 100 year slumber. You are strong individuals whom I support fully in your endeavor, whatever that may be. I WILL NEVER take the place of your Mom, NOR do I want to. But, maybe...just maybe in a time of hardship, when you need someone AND no one else can understand, relate or listen, I WILL be there for you.

Reasons why I'm glad I DON'T have a baby girl OR this MIGHT explain why I am the way I am

2009-12-17T15:43:00.001-08:00

Today's entry actually comes from a blog that I read daily....or at least whenever he decides to post. I follow him and he's hysterically funny...at least for all of those parents out there. I just couldn't help but repost this when I read it! So here are the reason's why I think that the Disney Princesses are even worse than Barbie for the feminine psyche courtesy of Cheeky's Dad!

At least Barbie became an Astronaut, a pediatrician, a veterinarian, a teacher, a chef and a rock star! I have to ask, What have you, Disney Princesses done for us lately?!?!

Thanksgiving Dinner

2009-11-24T15:33:00.000-08:00

It's been a while since we've had a drawing from Picaso. So I thought I would share her latest. However, as always, I MUST give you some background. Now, I have started calling Ashlee "Miss Chloe" because she is measuring 40 weeks and is only like 36 weeks preggro...oh excuse me, she hates that term..so 36 weeks pregnant. She predicted way back when that Mexi would actually come walking out of the Ute walking and talking...which we believe WILL happen!! So keeping up with tradition, I asked Ashlee to tell me my future. She didn't reach too far into the future, but rather decided to tell me what my Thanksgiving dinner would be like. Behold:

Sooooo cute that she actually thinks I would cook....let alone cook the turkey! WOW as a psychic she knows shit!!! But at least she got the representation of the people right...although I'm pretty sure that Master P is gonna be pi$$ed that Ashlee made him shorter than Zoe since that is what they fight about every other weekend! Gotta love 4 year olds!!!!

Happy Thanksgiving Y'All!!!!!

The Day I Became Mrs. Mary Kay Robbinson

2009-11-09T14:33:00.000-08:00

I have read most of the Twlight books....okay, so I'm just about to start Eclipse, but since seeing the stills of New Moon on Trent's website , Ashlee and I are now SO Team Jacob!! I mean he's tall, dark, handsome, a warewolf and ripped...and 17 *screeching brakes* 17 are you eff-ing kidding me?!?! OMG!! I feel like a dirty old woman....drooling over a 17 year old. He's not even legal yet! But DAAAAAAMN GINA!!! That boy is fine! Guess I'll have to wait another year or so for him to be legal. Until then, guess I'll go back to my roots and continue to drool over Louis de Pointe du Lac

Girl, You'll be a Woman Soon!!

2009-11-07T19:50:00.000-08:00

My Father and I danced to this song at my wedding. I think it holds true today even more then it did 8 years ago! Still one that I put on repeat on my iPod!!

Girl, you'll be a woman soon

I love you so much can't count all the ways

I've died for you girl and all they can say is

"He's not your kind"

They never get tired of putting me down

And I'll never knwo when I come around

What I'm gonna find

Don'tlet them make up your mind

Don't you know

Girl, you'll be a woman soon

Pplease, come take my hand

Girl, you'll be a woman soon

Soon, you'll need a man

I've been misunderstood for all of my life

But what they're saying girl it cuts like a knife

"The boy is no good"

Well I've finally found what I'm a looking for

But if they get their chance they'll end it for sure

Surely would

Baby I've done all I could

Now it's up to you....

Girl, you'll be a woman soon

Please come take my hand

Soon, you'll need a man

Do you know the Muffin (wo)Man???

2009-11-07T13:10:00.000-08:00

If any of you read Steve's blog, you'll know that they are doing a "Biggest Loser" type contest at work. Well since I'm dating Steve, I by default am also doing the contest. I support him 100% and it just wouldn't be fair for me to snack on bon-bons while watching The Big Bang Theory while he is snacking on carrot sticks. And oh the joy that I'm sure will be coming my way. This Monday night, Shittsburgh is playing on MNF and Steve is going to be making us a "healthy" dinner. Great just what I think of when watching football. Somehow carrot sticks and football just don't go hand in hand to me. Now, pizza and beer and football sounds like my kind of party, but I digress. Where was I??? Oh yes bon-bons and BBT (Big Band Theory). So as I was saying to show my Love that I support him in his quest I got a little curious just to see how bad of shape I am in so I know how good of shape I end up in.

And a little background. I was undoubtedly in my best shape in high school. I lettered in basketball and cheer leading. I was a teen who ate snickers bars and drank coke for lunch....my those.were.the.days!!! Then I turned 21, started partying and drinking and put on some pounds. So before I got married, I joined a gym and again got down to a decent weight...125 to be exact. After I got married, I still worked out. Even when I was pregnant with P, I worked out, every day in fact, I even worked out on the day that my water broke. Still during those 36 weeks (he was early), I gained 40 pounds. Which is not bad according to the most doctors, but on the high end of what you should gain. Its not like I sat around and ate sweets. In fact, I craved cheese. And I put cheese on every and any thing...hmmm, perhaps that's why I gained so much weight. But anyhow, here I was, 30 and had just given birth. While I did lose the majority of the "baby" weight, I never could get myself back in the gym. I mean just when did I have the time? I worked 8+ hours a day and had a baby and hubby to take care of at home. So I never could drop those last 10/15 pounds. Which brings me to today.

Recently, Steve posted about how bad and off BMI is. After reading the studies, I would have to agree. I mean it was created in the mid to late 1800's. So this morning I stepped on his wonderful little scale and did my body fat%. HOLY.CRAP.ON.A.STICK!!!! I.AM.GOING.TO.DIE.A.FATTY!!! Case in point, my BMI for my height (5'5") and weight (137) is 22, which in the "normal healthy" range. My body fat% for my height, weight and age (34) is 36%!! According to the "experts" I am morbidly obese, should be NO more than 32% . Let's face it Mama Cass had a lower body fat% than I do.

Then I read my fitness magazines. "They" say you should throw out the scale and judge based off of how your clothes fit. Okay, so my size 8's, while they have gotten a little snug over the past few months, still to the job. And thankfully, without muffin tops!! So while I don't know the Muffin (wo)Man, I HAVE become the Stay Puft Marshmallow (wo)Man. Now, please excuse me, while I go gorge myself on carrot sticks and hop on the treadmill until I pass out from exhaustion. *sigh*

The C*ntpire Strikes Back

2009-11-04T15:45:00.000-08:00

As I have mentioned here and here, the c*nt has been after my 4 year old son. Here's another message that she sent me via facebook. Again, those of you who are my friends are on Facebook, know that I have already mentioned that she sent me a direct message, well here it is. How a 40 year old "woman", a "human", a "mother" can attack an innocent 4 year old, I will NEVER know!!! So here is what the c*nt sent me on October 19th @ 10pm:

"My kids aren't the ones who cry for no reason that would be your brat. I've been told the stories of how he whines when you leave the room, cries because you served the wrong mac n cheese. Like I said he is a strong candidate to get his ass kicked by the time he hits kindergarten. Look at how fucked up your son is."

Are you kidding me?!?! Again, what 40 year old MOTHER says that about another child. I'm just speechless!!!

C*nt Face Wars

2009-11-04T10:48:00.000-08:00

As I mentioned in a previous post Preston and I had a run in with the C*nt Face Whore that is Steve's ex. Well since that day she has been sending me direct messages on FaceBook. Those of you who follow me on Facebook know that I have alluded to those messages. I'm sorry, IDK maybe its me, but I really don't give a rats @$$ what she says about me, but when she includes my son in her rambling, then like a great hockey rivalry between the Sharks and the Penguins, the gloves are off. And this Mama Bear is NOT afraid to throw her gloves down and take on the c*nt. Funny enough, whenever I do encounter the c*nt, all she does is call her son on the phone or call Steve. She talks big, but can't put the money where her mouth is, sort of speak. I prey to the Gods and Goddesses that I meet her in a dark alley one night. Truth be told, I'm a lover not a fighter. But I was an award winning debater in College and in high school. And honestly, I have picked fights with both girls and guys in the past. IDK call it the Aries in me or the Irish in me, but I stick up for those that I LOVe and the things that I belive in and when you are wrong, you are just flat out wrong.....whoops appears that I got off topic. So the c*nt face, known as Brenda *gag* has been direct messaging me on FaceBook. Like the good Irish-Catholic girl that I am, I have NOT been responding to her, which I'm sure is pissing her off...good! But I thought y'all should know what she has been saying about my sweet, loving 4 year old son, who can't, really, defend himself. So I offer you message#1

"So Like I said before you are a complete fucking bitch and my son feels the same and he would rather have no relationship with his father then have to see your fucking ugly ass face every other weekend and Zoe will soon learn that all you do is try and buy her affection like I said before if you really want her to like you then get her the iPhone (yeah cuz evey 3 year old NEEDS an iPhone) she so desparatly wants that might do the trick because all the crappy ass toys you buy her are truly a waste of money. (heres the kicker) By the way your son should be extremely thankful that he didn't get your big ass nose, you really should change your facebook picture to something a little more flattering because the only thing you see in the pic is your nose. I hope he doesn't bet beat up a lot either with a name like Preston and you for a mother that is already 2 strikes agianst him when he goes to school and then the fact that he is such a momma's boy won't help him either. You should really get him some self defense classes because he will need them."

Really you douche?!?! What do you guys think?!?!

I'm tired....oh so tired!!!

2009-11-04T10:15:00.000-08:00

I'm SO tired. I'm tired of arguing. I'm tired of feeling the way I do. I'm tired of trying to be perfect. I'm tired of living in this state. I'm tired of everything I say being wrong. I'm tired of old suspicions creeping back in. I'm tired of second guessing. I'm tired of feeling like I care more than you do. I'm tired of walking on eggshells. I'm tired of feeling like even when I'm doing "good", you still don't believe me. I'm tired of feeling like I can't really be open and honest with you. I'm tired of feeling like I'm being left behind. I'm tired of feeling like I don't even know who I am anymore. I'm tired of feeling like you are slipping away. I'm tired of trying to grasp at straws. I'm tired of my old habits and their aftermath. I'm tired of not having having family around. I'm tired of not having friends around. I'm tired of being by myself. I'm tired of not being a part of your life. I'm tired of finding out shit on the Internet. I'm tired of us never talking to each other anymore. I'm tired of NOT knowing the answer to the question. I'm SO FUCKING TIRED OF IT ALL!!!

You can be my wing-man anyday!!

2009-10-16T15:22:00.000-07:00

Last weekend I threw Steve a party for his 40th birthday. And while I PROMISE to post pix from the party, just as soon as the tech-savvy BF can fix my GD computer which wasn't really broken until he tried to "fix" it the last time....ARGH!! Sorry, I digress. For now though, I'm going to give you a little taste of what happened that night! A recap of the party via Ashlee and my text conversation:

Me: Hey, didn't that chick at the party Saturday night remind you of Cher from Clueless and her most responsible looking outfit?

Ashlee: Yes!! That was actually my first thought. I think I might have said a line from the movie to her and she was confused and thought i was creepy. Or i could have said something else to her but i know she thought i was creepy

Me:Well you are creepy

Ashlee: True. So it wasn't any diff. Yeah steve's friends prob think i'm super crazy. you might not want to invite me to the next party. Only save me for special occasions.

Me: Why? Aside from taking pix of your ass, what else did you? *and yes, I WILL be posting those pix*

Ashlee: Sing super loud in people's faces, or very close to them. And they weren't the correct words to the song. tell people the food was all for me. Tell peeps the food was not really what it was and then when they would ask my name, i would tell them a diff name everytime.

Me: Well thank goodness you were the annoying one at the party. Usually its me!

Ashlee: Lol i totally was looking out for you. I wanted his friends to like you so I stepped up my annoyingness to make you look better. I was taking one for the team

Me: I LOVE having a wing-man. Or in your case a wing-woman.

Ashlee: Yes ww for short. So keep me on your special list of: person i want to make me seem less annoying at a social event.

Me: Yes. next time I am your ww.

Funny. If I wasn't there, I would've sworn that Ashlee was drunk. Turns out, she's just naturally strange!

From Breast Pumps to Martini Shakers....

2009-10-15T16:29:00.000-07:00

Anyone who has read this blog, knows that sometimes...okay, most of the times, Ashlee and I miss understand what the other is saying or asking for. Well Ladies and Gentlemen, it will come as NO surprise to know that not only does it happen in person, but also via text. Last night I was driving home and forgot to grap something from Ashlee before leaving work, so I text her to let her know that I totally forgot. The conversation went like this:

Me: Damn, I forgot the pumps. There goes my social life! LOL

Ashlee: I don't get it.

Me: Clueless...sex toy...social life!

Ashlee: What? Your texts are confusing me.

Me: Sorry, I meant that I want to include the breast pumps in my sex life. LOL

Ashlee: Ok. I was not understanding you. Now I do. You make me laugh. Lol the more you explain the more it makes more sense. then the funnier you get. For a sec i was wondering if you were drinking vodka chased with some pain meds

Me: Oh you know me SO well! Got my martini shaker in the passenger seat. Buckled in, of course.

Ashlee:Of course. Buckled up for safety. You can't be wastin the good stuff.

Me: Exactly, I have precious cargo. Maybe i should put my shaker in P's carseat. You know, just in case.

Ashlee: I think you should! Of make the sharker their own car seat.

Me: GENIUS! I'm going to Lowe's right now!

Ashlee: Good idea. Don't leave Lil S in the car! They might get stolen.

I think it goes without saying, Ashlee is going to make a GREAT Mom. Always looking out for the safety of our most precious cargo!

Triangle of Trust

2009-10-09T13:43:00.000-07:00

With Ashlee and Mexi (aka Stupid Baby part Deux) leaving me in December, we have been interviewing people to come in and work part time. Mostly to keep me company so I don't start rocking back and forth in chair while hugging my knees and talking the freckles on my arm that I have just named. We only had one interview today and while the gal was filling out her application, we were already sizing her up and discussing her amongst ourselves. WHAT?!?! Its not like we were talking about her in front of her. Please! We did it behind her back via email!!

Ashlee: OMG this girl smells like Aussie hair products. LOL and eeeek at the same time.

Me: LOL. Funny, she doesn't look like her picture. (oh she had submitted her online resume with a picture of her. I'm pretty sure it was her senior portrait from like 5 years ago).

Ashlee: UMMMM not really at all. The eyes a little. Maybe she got the picture off the Internet. I think I'll put Katie Holmes as my resume pic. Who will you put?

Me: Well if you put Katie, then I will be your Tom.

Ashlee: Sounds like a deal. That's a good cliche! You'll be the Tom Cruise to my Katie Holmes. Good in a wedding speech.

Me: Perfect. Now you can write your speech for my wedding! You will be my Katie and Steve can be our Suri.

Ashlee: Even better. Steve can be Tom, you can be Katie and I can be Suri. We're a little family.

Me: Yes like the Tree of Trust.

Ashlee: No we are the Triangle of Trust. See there is 3 of us and a triangle has 3 sides.

Me: Perfect. *sneezes for the 1 millionth time*

Ashlee: Bless you

Me: Thanks. *puts antibacterial hand gel on my arm (I sneeze into my arm jeez)* Hey. I wonder if you can use antibacterial gel like a spermicide. You know in case you ever run out of spermicide.

Ashlee: Why don't you just pour Jager in your Vag?

Me: Can you do that?!?!

Ashlee: No wait, that's not right. That only speeds the little guys up.

Me: Do tell Yoda.

Ashlee: Ever notice how most pregnancies happen when you're drunk!

Cause I'm so gangsta!!

2009-10-09T12:38:00.000-07:00

Today has been a mish-mash of miscommunication in this office. Which has let to some hilarity and I DON'T EVEN want to see what "Big Brother" caught on video!!! With me being sick and Ashlee being deaf, you can only imagine. Its getting close to noon and like an alarm clock, my tummy starts growling....hey, I'm a fat girl and I.NEED.TO.EAT!!! Not really, but I do love me some food. So Ashlee, who actually started this by saying that "baby" was getting hungry, asked what's to eat. The following conversation went something like this. Oh and it's partially visual, so you'll have to put on your Imagination Cap!

Ashlee: Mexi's hungry, what's for lunch?

Me: I don't know, but Mama's hungry!

Ashlee: Don't you have any Michelina's in the freezer? Cuz then you can "let Mama feed you"

Me: Yeah, but that doesn't sound good. I want some Taco Bell or McDonald's.

Ashlee: What?!?! You want to fuck some shit up in a suit??

Me: WHAT?!?! What are you talking about? I said I want some Taco Bell or McDonald's.

Ashlee: OOOOOH. I thought you said you wanted to fuck some shit up in a suit...

Me: *giggle* Dude, can you imagine walking into the Des Moines Goodwill, arms raised, throwing the gang sign yelling "I'm here to fuck yo shit up!"

Ashlee: *walking around office, arms raised throwing gang signs* Yeah bitches, we gonna fuck yo shit up.....while wearing my pimp suit! Then when I'm done fucking their shit up, I'll stop at the door, turn around and say "have a nice day. You just got yo shit fucked up".

Me: *LMFAO* No, no, dude wait. I would totally walk in there with my arms in the air and proudly annouce, "YOU'RE ABOUT TO GET YOUR SHIT FUCKED UP" then I would run down the aisles with my arms out like an airplane *running around the office like an airplane* and yell "ANARCHY, ANARCHY!! I'M FUCKING YOUR SHIT UP" Course I would totally be wearing my best pimp suit while doing it!

Ashlee: Totally and they would totally deserve it. Cuz we're gansta and we're just keeping it real. Cuz they don't know me. Hear that Goodwill, YOU.DON'T.KNOW.ME. *throws gang signs with arms raised* Oh Des Moines Goodwill, you don't even know what's coming for you.

And end scene. *bows* Okay, so you may not find it funny, but how the hell we got from lunch at Taco Bell to fucking shiz up at the local Goodwill in a Pimp Suit....guess you'd just have to work here to understand. And don't judge. You don't know us!!! *raises arms, throws gang signs*

Say "man-pris" and you get pistol whipped

2009-10-06T18:18:00.000-07:00

No secret, I hate man-pris. I think they are the "gayest" thing, since, well....Coldplay and macrame jean shorts! Apparently NOT everyone knows about my hatred and the support group that I have had to join because of it. Steve actually had the nerve to ask me if he could buy some:

Steve: What do you think about man-pris?

Me: I don't!

Steve: So no man-pris, huh?

Me: Negative Ghost Rider. You are not clear for man-pris. Please return to base. IMMEDIATELY!

Steve: Even while mountain biking?

Me: Roger that, Shippy.

Steve: Awwww. So I should probably cancel my order then, huh?

Me: Yeah. However, I've been trained to say that "We have a don't ask, don't tell policy around here"

Steve: But you're not supposed to expose your knees below 60 degrees..... (blah, blah, blah, I stopped listening at this point)

Me: I'm sorry Sir, this is a secured line, I'm gonna have to ask you to stop communicating on it.

Sadly, I know that the next time we go mountain biking, he's going to show up in man-pris (probably listening to Coldplay and driving a truck with a bumper sticker that says "I like balls on my chin"). I'm a slave to fashion just as much as the next person, but when I'm out mountain biking, getting dirty (yes, I head for EVERY mud hole) and sweaty, that's the point where I just say "fuck it" my knees are already screwed up from years of soccer and cheer-leading. I say bring on the cold weather Mother Nature. BRING.IT.ON!!! *shakes fist in air* (however I will take pix so we can all laugh as Steve awaits the Great Flood. You go Moses, you go!)

One of these days, Alice. ZOOM!!! Right to the moon!

2009-09-30T18:37:00.000-07:00

As promised in a prior post, I said that I would tell you about my "fight" in the parking lot! I swear, I felt like the Warriors vs. the Riffs. Anyhow, it happened on my own home turf....literally, well not my grass, cuz well, I live in an apartment and I don't have any grass...nor do I have a lawn! =) I guess I should say that it happened on my own home asphalt.

About 2 Fridays ago, I picked P-man up like normal. We stopped for donuts...why, cuz I spoil the crap out of my son. Sue me. I just feel bad for his future girlfriends and wife. LAWL. Anyways, I saw that we were running pretty close to 6pm which is when the witch comes out of her dark hole and drops the kids off at Steven's. So I decided to run a few errands. I DID NOT want to run into the cunt in the parking lot. You can see where this is going, can't you? Yup, so in all of my diligence, the cunt was late and I was late and well....we ran into each other in the parking lot.

Okay, let me back up a second. So driving in the complex, we ran into some of Preston's friends and they wanted him to go to the park with them. No prob, I thought I would just drive over and drop P off at the park. Well I get out of the car to let P out and we're talking to his little friends when this butt ass ugly Witch Mobile (green minivan) stops next to us. I look up and its none other than the c*nt!!! So being the very classy person that she is, she starts yelling and swearing at me in front of a 4 year old, a 7 year old and an 8 year old. My Goddess!! I may use foul language, but she would make a long shore-man, who spent 40 years in the Navy and drove Big Rigs blush!!! db even went as far as to speak DIRECTLY to Preston (and his friends) and tell him that his mother was a home wrecking bitch. W.T.F?!?!? Of course he started to cry. And that's when I went ALL ghetto-white-girl-crazy on her fat @$$. I told her to get the F*&^ out of the car and fight like an adult, she didn't...of course. What did she do? She called her 12(?) year old son. REAL MATURE douche bag!!! Oh and then she called Steve to tell him that I started it. W.T.F?!? Are you serious?!? I did get some good digs in though. I told her that she was a stupid bitch, that she needed to learn how to wear her hair and make-up, to get a J-O-B, to learn how to dress and that she needed to lose some weight and grow some boobs. WHAT?!?!? I can't help it that God gave me a 2nd helping in the breast line!!! Oh and that her breath stunk SO bad that I could smell her coming a mile away!!! *giggle* *hangs head in shame* Sorry, but I know that she is a VERY self-conscience person, so I attacked her weak point.

I know, I should've been the bigger person. The more mature person. But you know what? Once she personally attacked my son, the gloves were off!! I SO wish she would've gotten out of that mini-van. I would've tore her @$$ up! But of course, she will ONLY say something to me when the kids are around or when Steve is around and she knows that he will step in. Really if we EVER (God willing) ran into each other alone, she would look down at the floor and keep walking in her mousey way. Seriously, you should see her walk. Its like Quasimodo! I wonder who's ringing the bell at Notre Dame when she's gone!

So, I have to know what do you think?!?! Was I wrong to start yelling back at her and tell her to get out of the car?!? What would you have done??

Week 4 & the week I STOP picking the Steelers!

2009-09-30T18:18:00.000-07:00

Its that time of the week again. Nope NOT when I get into a fight in the parking lot with the Douche Bag, but football picks time. Say, did I tell you about our "fight" in the parking lot? NO?!? Well my bad...but this post is about my football pix. I'll have to tell you about our fight next time! So last week, I regained my top prognosticator position! About time! I picked 12 of the 16. I mean WHO knew that the Lions would win?!? I guess they were due. But without further ado my picks for Week 4!

Giants vs. Chiefs

Bucs vs. Redskins

Titans vs. Jags

SeaHawks vs. Indy

Raiders vs. Texans

Bengals vs. Browns

Lions vs. Bears (OH MY)

Ravens vs. Pats (okay this was a TOUGH pick for me!)

Bills vs. Dolphins

J-E-T-S vs. Saints (again another TOUGH pick!)

Cowboys vs. Saints

Chargers vs. Steelers (that's right, eff you Shitsburgh!)

Rams vs. 49ers

Packers vs. Vikings

IDK. This week was a really tough week for me to pick. There were SEVERAL match-ups where I would want both teams to win, but since that doesn't happen, I went with the best home/away record and even sometimes that was even, so then since I'm such a girlie girl I went with which uniform colors I liked best! I know, I'm lame! Bring on Sunday and the pigskin!!

It can ONLY get better!!

2009-09-23T14:55:00.000-07:00

Week 3 is upon us. Ashlee and I did our picks at work today. I get SO excited when the new pick sheets come out!! I'm really hoping that I can redeem myself from my dismal showing last week. I only picked 7 right. Oh well, I beat Ashlee, she only got 6 right! Without further ado...

Falcons vs. Pats (Pats)

Titans vs. J-E-T-S (J-E-T-S)

Giants vs. Bucs (Giants)

Packers vs. Rams (Packers)

Browns vs. Ravens (Ravens)

Redskins vs. Lions (Lions) Okay, honestly, WHO saw THAT coming?

Jags vs. Texans (Jags)

49ers vs. Vikings (Vikings)

Chiefs vs. Eagles (what up Twins!!) (Eagles)

Saints vs. Bills (Saints)

(da) Bears vs. SeaHawks (I know, I know I went against the hawks at home!!) (DA Bears)

Steelers vs. Bengals (Bengals)

Dolphins vs. Chargers (Chargers)

Broncos vs. Raiders (Broncos)

Colts vs. Cardinals (Colts)

Panthers vs. Cowboys (Cowboys)

YES I KNOW!!! I went against the Hawks at home AND the Raiders at home. AND I picked the Steelers. I'm sure H3ll is beginning to freeze over as we speak. ARGH!! Perhaps it's Steven who is brain washing me with all of his black and gold (its really yellow) stuff!!! Oh well, can't wait for Sunday to see how I do this week!!

So let me know. Do you agree or disagree with my picks? How are you doing so far this season?

The week were both the Steelers and SeaHawks fuck me!

2009-09-23T14:41:00.000-07:00

Here we are at week 2 of the season. I did pretty good last week. Seems like the 1st week was a pretty big no-brainer. The teams that you knew were going to win, won. But will week 2 shape up? Again my picks are in purple.

Pats vs. J-E-T-S (Jets win)

Saints vs. Eagles (Saints win)

Rams vs. Redskins (Skins win)

Cards vs. Jags (Cards win)

Panthers vs. Falcons (Falcons win)

Vikings vs. Lions (Vikings win)

Bengals vs. Packers (Bengals win)

Texans vs. Titans (Texans win)

Raiders vs. Chiefs (Raiders win)

Tampa Bay Bucs vs. Bills (Bills win)

Seahawks vs. 49ers (49ers win)

Ravens vs. Chargers (Ravens win)

Steelers vs. (da) Bears (Bears win)

Browns vs. Broncos (Broncos win)

Giants vs. Cowboys (Giants win)

Colts vs. Dolphins (Colts win)

Well, I got pretty much screwed over last Sunday!! Thank Goddess, I wasn't putting money down on my picks. ARGH!!! It was a frustrating week. See if I ever pick the Steelers again!! A-holes!! I give you a little bit of faith and you screw me over! I'm NOT bitter...no.not.at.all!! See y'all in Week 3.

We MUST protect this House!

2009-09-23T14:20:00.000-07:00

As you all know football season is here!! Can I get a Woot Woot?!?! Seriously, its the ONLY thing to pretty much keep me from slashing my wrists during the Fall. And after that comes hockey season. Thank God for sports!!! Anywho, I thought I would post my picks each week. That way you can see either how good...or how bad I did. And incase you are wondering, YES, the smack talk between me and Steve has already begun....actually it started during pre-season! LOL

So, I know that we are already approaching Week 3, but I thought I would go back (and honestly) post my picks and the winners. I think some of you might be surprised with some of my picks. My picks will be in Purple! =D

Tennessee Titans vs. Pittsburgh Steelers (Steelers win)

Miami Dolphins vs. Altlanta Falcons (Falcons win)

KC Chiefs vs. Baltimore Ravens (Ravens win)

Philly Eagles (shout out to the TT!!!) vs. Carolina Panthers (Eagles win)

Minnesota Vikings vs. Cleveland Browns (Vikings win)

Jacksonville Jaguars vs. Indy Colts (Indy wins)

Dallas Cowboys vs. Tampa Bay Bucs (Cowboys win)

Detroit Lions vs. N.O Saints (Saints win)

New York Jets vs. Houston Texans (J-e-t-s win)

Denver Broncos vs. Cini Bengals (Broncos win)

SF 49ers vs. Arizona Cardinals (49ers win)

St. Louis Rams vs. Seattle Seahawks (Hawks win)

Chicago (da) Bears vs. Green Bay Packers (Packers win)

Buffalo Bills vs. NE Pats (Pats win)

San Diego Chargers vs. Oakland Raiders (Chargers win)

As you can see, I didn't do half bad for week one. I picked 13 winners!!! (DAMN RAIDERS!!) And yes, you read right, I picked the Steelers. Hey they may not be my fav team, but I'm not a dummy either. This is a competition and I'm gonna win!!! As they say on any given Sunday, there is a loser and a winner. See you next Sunday!!

Are you in OR are you out?!?!

2009-09-17T09:21:00.000-07:00

Its no secret to those of you that follow me on Twitter or are my "friends" on facebook that I'm plannng an 80's party for Steven's ____th (rhymes with Sporty) Birthday. In preparation for the party, I managed to use my Super-Spy Secret Squirrel training and retrieved a copy of the coveted Senior Year YearBook from 1987.....ok, so he gave it to me! And might I just add, Sucka!!! Needless to say, it gave Ashlee and myself quite a few laughs...which is why my year books are safely hidden and packed away!!! Anywho, in the process of making fun of people...err, I mean doing reseach, we can across a totally awesome "In and Out" list from 1987. So let's see, according to Lakes High School 1987, are you In or are you Out??

Big and Baggy Shirts
Black or Dark Clothes (Ahhh the start of the emo era)
California (Can I get a Woot Woot!!)
Compact Discs
College Sweatshirts
Colored Hair Gel (ahh the start of the poser era. just use real dye for Pete sake!)
Computers
David Letterman
Diet Coke
Flame-broiled Burgers (Whoppers are tasty!!)
Gucci
Gubby and Pokey (Ahh-huh huh, they said Pokey!!)
Having your own car & license (Honestly, was there a time that this was "out"?!?!)
Health Food
Keds (hmm, I'm picturing Keds and a Gucci purse...Stylin!)
Laser Tag
Max Headroom
McDonald's
New York Seltzer (Honestly this was the shyt!! Awesome flavors and wicked burps!)
The Noid
Parties
Pastels (Nothing says I'm hip like guys wearing a pastel pink Polo Shirt)
Portable Radios (I'm totally picturing John Cusack ala "Say Anything")
Rapping
Retainers
Scooters
Seahawks
Seniors (I'm guessing they don't mean old people)
Skateboarding
Stonewashed Jeans (perferably skin tight...yummy! NOT!)
Stress (okay, are you friggin kidding me? Stress?!?! Since when is it cool to be stressed)
Sweatpants (Oh yeah, another HOT fashion look! *note the sarcasm*)
Turtlenecks (please there is only ONE reason to wear a turtle neck!!!)
Walkmans
Yo-Yos (Okay, who the h3ll surveyed that kid?!?!)

OUT

Abbreviating Words ie. Luv, wuz, frenz (okay hold up, how is wuz the abbreviation for was? Its still 3 letters long?!?!)
Bleached Hair
Braces (oh yeah, cuz having braces USED to be SOOO totally cool!!)
Burger King (*tires screeching* Ummm, I thought that flame-broiled burgers are in. Where else do you get flame-broiled burgers?!?!)
Commitment (Can I get a Woot Woot for free-love!!)
Communism
Discos (pretty sure that went out with the Bee Gees in the EARLY 80's. just saying)
Dr Ruth
Dungeons and Dragons (I think someone forgot to tell an entire generation of geeks!)
Hair Clips
Hairspray (Ummm, ever seen the hair in the 80's?? it was ALL about the hairspray!)
K-mart
Leg Warmers
Madonna Wanna-be's
MTV
Narcs (yes, because telling on your friends USED to be SOO cool!)
New Coke
"On Board" Signs
Overdone Makeup
Parachute Pants (and so is M.C. Hammers career!)
Pastels (*tires screech* Ummm...wasn't Pastels on our IN list?!?! Did they just survey the kids that ride the little yellow school bus?!?!)
Peace Signs
Rambo
Rocky (That's right, Lakes High single handedly ended Stallione's career!)
Smurfs (WTF?!?! Oh h3ll no! the Smurfs will always ROCK!)
Spike High Heels (obviously, I NEVER got that memo. Have you seen my shoes?!?)
Stirrup Pants (Don't worry, Ashlee and I are bringing them back!!)
Tight clothes (oh yeah guys, cuz nothing and I do mean NOTHING makes a girl swoon like seeing your dirty ass boxer while you are constantly pulling up your size 4X jeans!)
V-neck Sweaters (but, what will I wear over my turtleneck that's SO in??)

NOT that any of you asked, but there you have it. The IN'S and OUT'S of 1987 according to the fashion forward kids at Lakes High School! *mumbles to self* (Seriously, no stirrup-pants or Smufs?!?! WTF people. W.T.F?!?)

I'm braking the habit tonight!!!

2009-09-09T14:30:00.000-07:00

The "experts" (whoever they are) say that it takes 21 days to make or break a habit. Well, starting tonight,I'm going to break my habit. It started innocently enough as most habits do. A glass of wine after work. Which then led to a glass of wine after work and one with dinner. Which then led to a glass of wine after work, one with dinner and one after that. Before I knew it, I was downing a bottle a night. Now don't get me wrong, I wouldn't call myself an alcoholic...it's not like I NEED the wine to get me through the day, but still, more often than not, I find myself gravitating to the bottle. I would HATE to figure up how much I have spent on wine in the last 6 months of living on my own....and maybe that's just it...maybe I drink out of boredom like some people eat out of boredom. Anyhow, whatever the reason, it stops tonight.

The sad thing is....I just don't know how to do it. Cold turkey, join a support group, go exercise. (Damn if that's the answer, I'll NEVER get out of the gym.) Its become a habit for me. I stop at my fav place on the way home, pickup a bottle and enjoy my evening, but the bottle has started to fuck with me. I've been having insomnia like NO other. Sure I fall asleep (aka pass out) just fine, but I wake up at 3am with a splitting headache then I'm up until 7 and just when I'm starting to go back to sleep, that damn alarm goes off!! Its fucking with my personal AND maybe more importantly, professional life. I can barely keep my eyes open at work. So tonight it ends!

IDK what it is, genetics, the thought of independence, rebellion, sneaking it from whomever, IDK, but it ends tonight! Sadly the "fruit of the Gods" has really done nothing more than wrecked havoc on my life. I have fought with my Love, giving up hobbies, ignored friends, etc...all I can think about is grabbin another glass of wine. Red, White, Rose it doesn't matter, I LOVE them all. But tonight it ends.

Not to mention that I have put on about 10 pounds in the last year from drinking alone. I know it won't be easy...the right thing NEVER is, but I'm hoping...no I'm sure, it'll be worth it. I LOVE my size 8 pants, which might sound big to some of you, but the last time I was a size 8 was when I was getting married 8 years ago (I have wide hips, which became wider after having a baby, so sue me!). I was in peak form then. Working out 5 days/week, eating right, not really drinking except MAYBE on the weekends.

The easiest time for me to quit drinking was when I was pregnant with P-man. A friend once told me to just pretend that I was pregnant, that would help. The downside was that my brain knew I wasn't and so I would crave the "sauce". IDK who to blame it on...it's so much easier that way, don't you think? Perhaps, my alcoholic Grandparents on both sides? I mean, some of my fondest memories are of family parties where the adults are playing poker and Uncle Kermit gets so drunk that he falls down, skins his knee and then ends up in the pool. Or is it my Irish heritage or my Indian heritage for that matter? My loneliness? Perhaps even something deeper...maybe I'm just not happy with myself and the way things are. (WOW, that's deep). But whatever the reason, it ends tonight.

See here's where things start to suck. On Saturday Steven and I are going to see Wicked. It would be nice to have some wine at dinner or at intermission. I'm throwing Steven's birthday party on October 10th, again would be nice to have a drink. We are going away on a secret vacation the 23rd of October, would be nice to drink. Is it an illusion to think that I can have a few drinks on those "special" nights then nothing during the week? And of course, football season starts this Thursday. For me football=beer. W.T.F is wrong with me?!? (Starting to sound like an alcoholic yet?) If it doesn't revolve around food or booze then I want NO part of it. Perhaps it would be better if I were preggo, then I would have a valid excuse to not drink. Perhaps its that I've ALWAYS been known as the "party girl" if I lose that identity, then what do I have!?!? Will I still be fun to be around?!? IDK, honestly, I hate crowds. Alcohol makes me lose my inhibitions....WOW that sounds like something you would hear in AA!! I like to think that generally, I'm a "people person" but, IDK, I get REALLY shy around new people and alcohol makes me more....open to go talk to them.

I don't care, whatever the reason(s) it stops tonight. In the words of Linkin Park "I don't know what's worth fighting for Or why I have to scream, I don't know why I instigate and say what I don't mean. I don't know how I got this way, I know it's not alright, So I'm breaking the habit TONIGHT"

I Do!

2009-09-08T21:07:00.000-07:00

Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary. I say would have been, because as of March 20th of 2009, I have been divorced. Its sad for me. However, on one hand, I LOVE where my life is going. On the other hand, I miss what would have been. I miss being a wife. In fact, I LOVED being a wife. I miss being a Mrs. I remember EVERY aspect of today. Just ask me...at 4am, I know what I was doing. At 8am, I know where I was. At 3 pm, I know what I was decorating and at 5 pm, I know what I was drinking.

I remember waking up that Saturday morning hearing the saddest news ever...one of my dearest friends had died of "AIDS" and another one of my long time neighbors ( who was there when my Mom was born) had died as well....perhaps that was an omen. But still the day went on. I waited anxiously for my BFF, Kim to bring me my Happy Meal while I perfected my make up for the 5th time. I was bound to get it right. I wanted this day to be perfect...it WAS GOING TO BE PERFECT!! My Maid of Honor and most dearest friends, Patty was up from California...she brought the tequila...she knows what I like and knows what calms my nerves....ever aspect of that day, I remember. I remember my Mom walking back into the Bride's room after seeing Todd in his tux for the first time and crying, Mom was in charge of the boutonnieres. I thought "OMG, he changed his mind"....funny now to think that I'm the one that changed her mind. I remember my brother, John, dressed in his tux riding his skateboard around the grounds while we were trying to take our picture. I remember arguing with my bride's maids about who was going to hold my dress up because I had to go to the bathroom. I remember almost being late to the alter because Patty kept offering us "one last" shot of tequila, and my friend Dawn being the "party pooper" because she wouldn't partake in the tradition. I remember the smell of the ocean air, the way the sun shown, the way my flowers from Pike's Place Market smelt. I remember thinking "I should have asked my Dad to walk me down the aisle" Although my Brother was the one to stand by my side just has he had always done when we were kids. I remember all of this and much more. I remember starting the ceremony, facing each other just as a ski boat with twin-jet engines roared up and then cut off the engines to watch, thinking "OMG, he's going to ruin the ceremony". I remember not getting a piece of my wedding cake (beside what was shoved up my nose) because I was too busy dancing with my friends and out of town guests....I remember the bouquet toss (Tonya caught it) and the garter toss (my Brother caught it...yeah that's just weird). I remember the new 2001 Black Dodge Dakota being decorated by my Brother, my Uncle and our other friends. I remember all of this and more.

I wonder though, as the years go by and the memories fade, what will I remember? Will I forget any of it? Will I forget how nervous I was saying my vows? Will I forget the people that where there? The friends that flew in that day and flew out that night? The way that my Star Gazer Lilies from Pike's Place Market smelled? Will I forever remember how nervous I was with the expectation that came along with the wedding ring, to now and forever be Mrs. Russell?

Honestly, I hope I don't forget any of it. Yes, times change, people change. I am no longer Mrs. Russell, but rather Ms. Russell. However, it was the second best day of my life (aside from Preston being born), so far and I wouldn't change any of it. And with that tonight, I shall eat my cake, drink my wine and say Happy Anniversary to Me!

You want me to put my mouth where?!?!

2009-09-08T18:01:00.001-07:00

I'm not sure how many of you are aware of this, but on Labor Day (Monday) writer, director and actor extraordinaire, Kevin Smith (Silent Bob from Clerks) hosted a 24 hour Tweet-a-thon. Basically you could tweet Kevin and if you were one of the lucky ones (of which Steve and I were NOT...that fat bastard, see if I EVER watch Jersey Girl or Clerks again!!) he would answer your question.

BTW~let me interject here and just say that I.AM.TOTALLY.FUCKING.STOKED.BEYOND.BELIEF.THAT.STEVE.AND.I.ARE.GOING.TO.SEE.HIM.IN.OCTOBER! Not that I'm bragging or anything. *neener, neener, we have tickets and you don't*

Anyhow. 1 question he was asked made me think. I'm paraphrasing, but the question went something like this "have you ever received a bad blow job" Again paraphrasing, but Kevin's answer went something like this: "there's no such thing as a bad blow job."

I just had to stop and politely disagree with Sir Kevin Smtih, right there! Obviously I don't get, have never and WILL never be on the RECEIVING end of a BJ, but I have had a couple of people dine at the "Y". And let's just say that not ALL of them have been the best of customers. Some patrons have been sloppy, rude or don't even finish! (and what's with this back and forth head thing like all he is doing is shaking his head "NO"?? REALLY?!?! Like that's gonna get me off) Do you know how hard it is to fake an "O" while someone is giving you oral?!? You try it. Go on, I dare you! It's virtually impossible!!! And it sucks...no pun intended. While he was grubbing down his "meal", I was going over my finite calculus-trig homework that was assigned less than 2 hours ago!!! (and if I didn't have to 'show" my work, I'd be rocking that shyt). I mean, I was trying to figure out how Superman managed to rotate the Earth the other way without causing mass destruction. I was tyring to figure out who the shooter on the grassy knoll was. Hell! I was even trying to figure out what I was going to wear the next day with my knee high combat boots & stripped tights....skirt or shorts?!?!

Listen, I'm a NOT "professional" by ANY means, but I do, sort of, pride myself on my ability to "give" (if you know what I mean). Now, I haven't had any formal training, I haven't read any books nor have I gone to any classes (although how friggin cool would that be?!?!) but you sorta learn along the way. I mean you pick this shyt up in the locker room or in the hall between classes from your BFF's older sister or what not. All us females know Rule #1, first and foremost...NO TEETH!! From there I have learned that it's a matter of personal preference from the receiver.

Anyhow, the whole question and answer, in and of it's self, got me to wonder..."is there such a thing as bad oral sex?!?!"

So I want to hear from you, my loyal reader of 1...okay maybe 2, is there such a thing as bad oral sex? Have you EVER received bad oral? Have you EVER given bad oral sex? OR is bad oral sex an urban legend much like the giant alligators that live in the sewers of NY?

Happy Birthday to you??

2009-08-28T18:08:00.001-07:00

My Ex's birthday was a couple of weeks ago. (This isn't a belated Birthday post, though.) Although since this is the first year being divorced (and the first year that his Mother isn't here to spend it with him) and having to celebrate his birthday it really got me thinking. Now what?!? In the years past, I ALWAYS made a big deal out of his birthday...well really anyone's birthday, but now what? In years past, I have gotten up at the butt crack of dawn to put "Happy Birthday" post it notes all over the house, make breakfast in bed, pamper him all day, throw themed parties, bought cakes, hell even....well you don't want to hear about that, but now what do I do? After 12 years the date is ingrained in my brain so I knew I wouldn't forget, not to mention P should do something for his Dad, right? That's what led me to question, now what do I do? What should an ex-wife do? What should a responsible parent do?

Should I FORCE P to buy him a gift? Should I leave it up to P whether he wants to buy Daddy a gift or not? I mean its not like P is old enough to be able to afford to buy a gift on his own, which means that I'm having to spend money on the Ex...and for that matter, should I get the Ex a card...or even a gift?!?!

I PRIDE myself on being a good Mother, a responsible parent and an excellent role model for my child. As in years past, I made a big deal out of the Ex's birthday....not HUGE or extravagant by ANY means, but a celebration. A celebration for the day that my Ex was brought into the World.

I started asking P weeks in advance what he would like to get Daddy for his birthday...I even let P pick out the present himself (it was an underwater Batman sub...I wonder WHO is REALLY getting to play with that). P also picked out the card himself...after I talked P out of getting the one with the half-naked girl, he decided on a talking South Park Card. And yes, even I got the Ex a gift. What can I say? After 12 years and a ton of shyt, I still consider him my friend. Of course the card was more humorous and less lovey-dovey than years past, but experience has shown that guys could give a rat's patooty about cards. And finally, we did go out to dinner. It wasn't home made with a sexy apron, thong and high heels on, but a nice dinner at a nice restaurant. We shared a bottle of wine and some laughs. It was nice, casual....friendly.

So I have to wonder, am I wrong? Did I over step some sort of "ex-wife" boundary? Or was I right in my choices? Shouldn't it be the responsibility of the Non-Birthday parent to help the kid(s) choose a gift for the Birthday Mom or Dad? Or does it depend on if the parents are getting along? Should the parent's personal feelings really get in the way of teaching a child how to treat someone with love and respect...especially on their Birthday???

What do you all think???

What's Grosser Than Gross???

2009-08-27T14:18:00.000-07:00

One night when I was still living in California and just starting to date the now Ex-husband, we decided to go to the movies. I can't really remember what we saw now, but I'm sure it was something riveting like ShowGirls or Broken Arrow. *sigh* Oh the classics of the early 90's!!! Anyhow we get our treats (popcorn and soda) find out seats and settle in. A little way through the movie I reach over, not taking my eyes of that giant 40' screen, for fear that I might miss the best part of the movie or that critical piece of information for the plot (neither movie had any of those!!!) and reach over for the soda. I take a big size gulp to wash down my very buttery popcorn when all of the sudden, I swallowed a big huge mouthful of.....warm wintergreen-flavored chew spit, complete with pieces of chew!!! YES. WARM.CHEW.SPIT. I, of course, immediately start to gag (I'm sure I actually turned a shade of wintergreen) and spit it out on the floor when the ass turns to me and in a very hushed "movie theatre" like voice says "oh you probably don't want to drink that, I've been spitting my chew in it." Really!?!? You think!!! Here's an idea, why not tell me first?? Why not move the cup to the other side where its NOT sitting in between us??? Why not get a separate cup for spitting?!?! ARGH! MEN!!!

Lessoned learn. I now buy a seperate soda.

Is he that new actor?

2009-08-10T13:15:00.000-07:00

As we do every Monday, Ashlee and I were catching up on the weekend events. Normally its the run of the mill stuff and not very blog worthy. However, this was too damn funny to keep to ourselves.

Ashlee: So what did you do this weekend?

Me: Well on Saturday Steve and I took the kids to Best Buy to replace some of the movies that had been stolen.

Ashlee: Who?

Me: Steve.

Ashlee: No Ben...

Me: BEST. BUY.

Ashlee: I know what Best Buy is, duh. I mean, what movie are you looking for? Which one with Ben Stolen in it?

Me: *crickets* *deer caught in head lights* WHAT are you talking about?!?!

Ashlee: You know, the actor, Ben Stolen.

Me: NO. We. went. to. Best. Buy. to. replace. the. movies. that. had. been. stolen.

Ashlee: Oooooh. I thought you were looking for a movie with Ben Stolen in it.

Me: *ROFL* *Hyperventilating* I THINK you mean Ben Stiller.

Ashlee: Oh yeah, that's it. So which of his movies did you get?

Calling All Single Ladies!!

2009-08-05T18:13:00.000-07:00

Okay, not really, back off bitches, he's ALL mine!! *drum roll* Steve is divorced!!! I've waited over a year for this. Yeah, yeah, whatever, I'm a home wrecking hussy, who didn't know that already?!? Anyhow, my Steven, is FINALLY divorced and free from the CF (cunt faced) DB (douche bag) Psycho!! And to celebrate, I took him out to dinner. Just dinner you ask?!?! Then you don't know me very well and just what kind of girlfriend do you think I am anyways?!? The best kind!! We had Jager shots AND beer! Oh yeah and a shopping trip *evil smile* But I digress. I'm so fucking happy that its done and over with and he's now mine...all mine. (WOW that sounds psycho, doesn't it?!?!) Seriously though I've had a smile on my face ALL week.

Really, I'm not a total heartless bitch though, dispite what the Douche Bag says, I do feel bad. I feel bad for the kids. They have to continue to live with the CF DB! But he's working on that. Until then, we will enjoy "family" life every other weekend with our kids! We will continue to show them that two people can have an open and loving relationship and not scream and fight with each other every day over stupid shyt like who took out the garbage last (although, I'm sure one day we will. Then we'll make up and have amazing "makeup" sex). Oh and speaking of sex....there's nothing like having sex with a newly single, piece of hot ass!!! You know what I'm taking about. *cue 70's porn music* Anyhow without further ado, I introduce my newly single (on paper only) Steve!! *drum roll*

Now to start planning our divorce parties!!!! Who wants to buy me a shot?!?!?

Alessander's signature move. Learn it, live it, love it!

2009-08-05T16:33:00.000-07:00

Ashlee was telling me that in her next life, she would like to come back as a man named Alessander. Alessander would be a smooth talking, smooth operating, ladies man. Of course, Alessander would practice safe sex. He would only sleep with virgins, perform a do-it-yourself home STD test or slip them the Plan B in their wine. Alessander is not about to be any one's "baby's Daddy." To make extra sure that this doesn't happen, Alessander has a signature move, you should learn it and practice safe sex too.

Step 1: only approached virgins when in da club. They will be easily recognizable as the quiet ones among their gaggle of friends. Also, they will have no rhythm when out on the dance floor and will most likely be the ones sitting alone in a booth, sipping their umbrella drinks with a HUGE slice of pineapple on the side.

Step 2: take her back to your house...I should probably mention here that Alessander lives at home with his mom. Once at said home, quickly kick your mom out of your room which happens to also be the basement. Light some candles and pour some red wine....classy!

Step 3: when she's bending over for that glass of wine laced with the Plan B pill, quickly stick your junk in her butt (see diagram 1). She's a dirty girl after all....she just doesn't know it yet! And don't forget to ask her how she likes that? Alessander is always the gentleman. This step will insure that you won't get any nasty diseases...you know, just in case your at home STD testing kit is on the fritz.

Step 4: when you're about to reach the BIG "O", quickly pull out of her butt. (see diagram 2)You want to make sure that some of your swimmers don't accidentally find their way to the promise land. Further insuring that she doesn't come a knockin 9 months later with a 18 year financial burden. No one wants to go on Maury to have a DNA test. Once you have pulled out, hit her on the head with your junk a couple of times. Show her the goods. This is also a good time to make sure that she hasn't fallen asleep on you. No one likes sex with a dead fish.

Step 5: Then when you are ready, just let it go all over her face (see diagram 3). She will appreciate that you have kept her virginity intact and at the same time, given her face that nice healthy glow that you can only get from an expensive facial at an European spa. Remember, always the gentleman. Notice that big smile on her face!?!? Oh yeah, she'll be coming back for more. And the best thing, you won't have to worry about your condom breaking and having to go into the witness protection program when the crazy stalker bitch is looking for child support!

I would have to say that Ashlee's...err, I mean Alessander's signature move is pretty flawless, don't you? It shows that he not only cares about the lady and her reputation, but is doing something about population control at the same time. A real gentleman and a humanitarian!

Motor boatin' stick figures

2009-07-23T14:14:00.000-07:00

A couple of weeks ago, Steve emailed me and asked me if I could send him over a "test" fax. Apparently their fax was not able to receive in coming faxes and Steve was the one in charge of fixing it. Sure, I was more than happy to help my handsome BF out. Initially, I was just going to send a fax that said "test" or something equally lame and totally SFW, but then he made the mistake of sending me another email telling me to be careful of what I sent since it was a shared work space. Well that's all it took to ignite my little fire!!! So, my creative juices started flowing trying to come up with a clever "test" fax. Think...think...think...a ha!! And this is what was sent over:

Funny enough, he hasn't asked me to send him anymore "test" faxes. I'm assuming that he got it fixed...I mean surely it wasn't my drawing! LOL

Here's Mexi!!!

2009-07-21T16:04:00.000-07:00

Ashlee won't have her ultrasound for another couple of weeks, but we are already pretty sure we know what sex the baby is and what it will look like. Introducing *drum roll* Mexi-Nugget!!!

For those of you not quite up on your ultrasound viewing skills, allow me to point out some of the features.

Note the "Angry Baby" eyebrows, carefully drawn on with black eyeliner. For that "what the eff you looking at Essa?"
Note the lips carefully outlined with this black eyeliner pencil while still keeping her lips there natural color. This gives Mexi that "come hither" look that every baby needs in the nursery.
NO those aren't floaties. Those are gold bangles that Mexi acquired on Ebay...yes while still in Ashlee's uterus. Every feisty Latina needs her gold bangles, it says "oh naa-ah, I don't need a Baby's Daddy. I can provide just fine for myself." (complete with neck swivel)
Last but not least, you'll notice that green thing around the crotchal region. No Mexi does not have the clap, the herp or the hiv. That is her diaper made out of the finest hemp she could find. (WHAT?!?! You try finding hemp on line while you're still in utero). Well where else to you expect her to put her rusty shank?

Of course Mexi isn't just a fashionista, she's also a linguista. Here are some things you might over hear her say:

Hola Bitches (when she first comes out)
Ey Papi. Smack dat ass (when the doctor spanks her for the first time)
Yo Brandon, change my shit (when she has a dirty diaper)
Yo quiero taco bell, Bitches
And a little for my homeys (as she nurses for the first time, and squirts a little on the floor)

Welcome Mexi. Can't wait to actually meet you!

You want to put your corn where?!?!?

2009-07-21T15:15:00.000-07:00

IDK if its that I just don't listen, I'm really a blonde trapped in a brunette's body or if I'm actually that big of a re!!! Allow me to elaborate.

Ashlee and I work in a small office and we sit rather close to each other. We like to talk.....A LOT!!! And because we are really open about things with each other (no such thing as TMI in here) its not unusual for a normal conversation about sewing to turn into a "we were bumping uglies last night and guess what" kinda conversation. So I'm just sitting here minding my own business working....okay so I was emailing Steve. Ashlee turns to me and starts telling me about an email she's writing. That conversation went something like this:

Ashlee: I just told Tab how to do corn in the fire.

Me: *shocked look on face* *and slightly confused* What the hell is corn in the fire?!?!

Ahslee: MARTI!!! Its CORN.IN.THE.FIRE!!

Me: *still confused* *crickets* OH!!! corn in the fire.

Ashlee: yeah. What the HELL did you think I was talking about?!?!

Me: *giggle* I thought you were telling Tab about a new sex position. I was thinking "why haven't I ever heard of this and how come you're only telling Tab and not me?!?!"

Ashlee: OMG, You're retarded. No dumbass. Tab is going camping and I was telling her how to cook corn in the fire.....but OMG, can you imagine if there was something called "corn in the fire"? And then you did it in reverse?!?

Me: *ROFL*

Garlic fries and cats

2009-07-17T13:28:00.000-07:00

Last Thursday Ashlee and I went to the Mariners game for Cheezburger night. Let me say this...I FRIGGIN LOVE going to baseball games with Ashlee. She rocks. She watches the games the same way I do. It was awesome!!

We got to the game and pre-funked at the pre-game party especially for LOLCats fans. Okay, before I get to the game, let me just say that Ashlee and I were a little worried about what kind of freaks we were going to find at a party for LOLCats fans. We kept picturing a bunch of frumpy looking ladies in their 50's with at least 20 cats at home. We were pleasantly surprised to see that everyone there was just like us. A bunch of office professionals in their 20s and 30s who when bored at work, surfed the net and found joy in cats that can't speak so good.

After the pre-game party, Ashlee and I decided that we were starving. Off to find us some garlic fries (best thing since sliced bread!). I grabbed a hot dog and Ashlee got her chicken strips. We made our way up to the 3rd level and ate dinner out on the patio over looking the Sound, the weather was perfect, BTW. Then we chatted it up with a great guy named Joel. Turns out Joel is the one responsible for making the LOLCats shirts that we were so proudly wearing. After we got our grub on, we decided to walk around a little and check out the stadium (and make fun of people)....okay so just who the hell wears stilettos to a baseball game anyhow?!?! (Just throwing that out there) After about 20 minutes of walking around and people watching we decided it was time to go home. (it was the top of the 3rd)

Time spent in our actual seats: 0 minutes

Time spent watching the game: 0 minutes

Drive time for garlic fries and cats: 40 minutes

Going to the game with someone who only goes for garlic fries too: PRICELESS.

For pictures and a full re-cap of the game head on over to Ashlee's blog!

Wez getz cheezburgerz twonite!!!

2009-07-09T10:50:00.000-07:00

I'm SO excited!!! The night is FINALLY here. Tonight, Ashlee and I are going to Cheezburger Nite at Safeco Field. Honestly, we could really give two cheezburgers about the Mariners. Let's be honest, baseball sucks....especially when talking about the Mariners! We are going for the garlic fries and our free Cheezburger shirt!!!

In case you don't know what I'm talking about: I Can Has Cheezburger is the funniest damn website out there....IMHO!!! Seriously people! This is the first on my daily read list! The basis is that people post pictures of their cats and then you can write captions. Of course, being cats, they don't speak (or spell) so good, which makes it even funnier. Ashlee and I like to pretend that if our cats spoke, that's exactly how they would sound.

And yup, just the two of us are going. Its a girls night out....well actually when we told the DH and the BF that we were going to a baseball they were rather excited. Sweet the girls like sports. Then when we told them that it was for a cat night for cats that don't speak so good, they now pretend not to know us. The conversation went something like this:

me: Honey, Ashlee and I are going to a Mariners game on the 9th.

Steve: Okay cool. I didn't think you girls were into baseball.

me: Well we're not. BUT its LOLCats night and we get a free shirt!!! *squeal*

Steve: Its what?!?

me: LOLCats, you know the cats that I tell you about that speak funny. The Itteh bitteh kitteh commitehs..... WHAT?!?! Why are you looking at me like that?!?! Steve...Honey...where are you going?!?! Okay see you when you get back.

Now that I must go and get fitted for my straight jacket, go check out the site. I'll be sure to post lots of pictures from tonight. I can't WAIT to see the other people that show up for this. I LOVE people watching!

Did that hurt??? and other stupid questions!

2009-07-02T13:30:00.000-07:00

I have several piercings....9 to be exact, and ready for number 10. My favorite by far is my Madison. I'm actually wanting to get a vertical Madison soon!!!....and possibly my septum redone, oh and I could totally get a corset done, but that takes a while to heal...and I'm off topic already. *ehm* It seems that no matter which piercing it is that people notice, my Madison, my Monroe or even my tongue, it never fails that I get asked the same questions....and they are dumb! So I thought I would take this time to address each question so y'all can stop asking me or at the very least come up with some that are more creative.

(pointing to a piercing) Did that hurt? No, it tickled actually. I got into a fit of laughter as soon as the needle punctured my skin! Yes, you moron it did hurt. Someone took a knitting needle and stuck it through my skin. (Lucky for me, I happen to like the pain and that's why I keep getting them done!)
(pointing to my Madison) Are those magnets? Umm. no they aren't magnets. I'm not a wanna be emo kid trying to look cool just so I can impress the other wanna be emo kids. Its actually a piece of metal through my body.
How does it stay in? IDK, how do your earrings stay in, Stephen Hawking??? I'll try to speak slow, but you might want to take notes. There is a hole. The barbell goes through it. The back attaches. Ta Da!
What does your Mother think? I'm 34 with a child of mine own. I'm sure my Mother has other things to worry or think about other then me putting a hole in my body.
Why would you do that? Why not?
But why? Why not?
But why? Okay, let me break it down like this. I like pain and I like the way they look. And the fact that my ex-husband hates them and my BF loves them...well what more motivation do I need?
Is it true what they say about girls with tongue rings? Here allow me prove it to you! =)

That last step is a killer!!!...or Steve's GF is a Re-Re!!

2009-06-26T14:17:00.000-07:00

Steven and I made date plans for last Friday night. I was totally excited and giddy for it ALL week long. Its nice for some "adult" time after having the 3 kids all week. I ransacked my closet for something cute and summery to wear, finally deciding on a short, black & white spaghetti strap sun dress paired with some really cute 4 inch heel, platform Mary Janes.

We decided on a restaurant called 13 Coins, since Steven had never been there before. Its a really cool place. You can sit in high back chairs up at the counter and watch the chefs work or you can sit in booths with backs that go all the way to the ceiling for some privacy. We were seated at the counter.....perhaps I should mention now that there was a 8 inch platform at the counter that you had to step up on to get to the chairs (you can see where this is going).

We get seated, order our food and a bottle of wine. I decide that now would be a perfect time to go "powder my nose". As I got up to leave, we smooched a little, all the while making the people eating around us throw up a little.....And then I fell off the platform!!! Yup right off the mother f*cking platform....onto my ass!!! I did manage to knock some guy into the wall and twist my ankle in the process of FALLING ON MY ASS!!! (I'm an awesome date.) Mean while Steven is sitting there pouring wine not even noticing that I'm laying on the floor with my legs in the air.....classy! Should I mention here that I hadn't had anything to drink yet?!?! All I could do was look up at him and say "whoops, I missed the step".

What can I say? I love the way Steven kisses, it just does something to me.....it makes me retarded. I mean short-bus riding, window-licking, helmet-wearing retarded! Remember on the cartoons when they would see fireworks and stars and crap, well that's me. I get completely discombobulated.

Eventually, I did force myself, bruised ankle....and ego in tow, out of the stall and went back to enjoy dinner. Lucky for me, he was still there.

What team are you on?

2009-06-19T13:19:00.000-07:00

I finally did it! I let go of my inhibitions and I joined the craze. The past 2 nights I was up well past 1:30 am reading Twilight.....yes, I said reading Twilight. IDK why it took me so long to jump on the band wagon. Perhaps it was because I've always gone against the grain, against the populous. Perhaps its because I knew I would like it and then I would just be another Twerd. Or perhaps even still its because I felt like I was cheating....cheating on Lestat, Louis and Claudia.

From the first time I had picked up Interview With The Vampire back in my early high school career, I was in love with the lifestyle and the city of New Orleans. I had read that book so many times that I practically had it memorized. The vampires were dark and mysterious. Beautiful and frightening. Manipulative and cunning. They hunted humans. But most of all....they DID NOT sparkle.

I guess that's the one thing that annoys me about the book...well other then the fact that Bella is a walking catastrophe and sorry, but if I was a vampire, I would've killed her just because she annoyed me so much! LOL Seriously, if I were Rosalie, I would've just thrown her to "the Hunters" and let that be that. Whoops, got off track. Any how, vampires DO NOT SPARKLE!

But like I said, it wasn't a totally horrible book. It was a pretty quick read and obviously I couldn't put it down. I can't wait to read New Moon to see what happens next. Yes, I'm sucked into the saga.

As far as which team I'm on.....I will ALWAYS be Team Louis!!!

To Be or Not To Be

2009-06-11T10:03:00.000-07:00

NO I'M NOT PREGNANT!!!!!

(Phew, glad we got that out of the way.)

Ashlee and I read a particular blog almost religiously, but lately we've become pretty annoyed with it. First a little background on the blog: its about a lesbian couple that is TTC (trying to conceive). They started doing IUI in early 2008. Since then she has gained over 25 pounds, spent Tens-of-thousands of dollars only to get BFN (big fucking No) each and every month. She's had several cysts and surgeries to remove those cyst. She has MTHFR, endrometriosis and now Natural Killer Cells. She's had debilitating migraines and has pretty much exhausted her lifetime health benefits! And yet, she is still going to do 1 round of IVF. Because of all of her current medical problems she will have to do acupuncture every week during the ENTIRE pregnancy & a blood transfusion every 3 weeks for the first trimester. If the IVF is a success, they will have spent $35,000 (does NOT include all the IUI procedures) for a baby. If not...for only 1 try, it will cost them $19,000.

Okay, I don't know about you, but I could surely find something else to spend (or invest) my $19,000 in. Even with the economy as it is, it seems that the stock market is a better gamble then her getting pregnant.

Ashlee and I spent A LOT of time talking about this this morning. Perhaps we are able to stand so proudly on our soap boxes and in our ivory towers because it was relatively easy for us to get pregnant. (there was really no "trying" necessary). But we had to ask ourselves: If after 14 months of BFN after BFN and surgery after surgery, why would a woman continue to TRY yet another procedure to have a baby? Is it to defy her Mother? Is it selfishness? Does it have to do with her being raised Mormon? Honestly, people, when sign after sign and test after test keeps telling you that this isn't in "the cards" for you, why keep trying?!?! Why not stop and read those signs? I mean with her MTHFR, there are usually 1 of 3 outcomes...Miscarriage, stillbirth or a baby born with SEVERE birth defects. I'm sorry, but as a Mother-to-be, those aren't chances I would be willing to take.

You have to wonder but perhaps God or the Universe or the Powers That Be does not want her to have a baby of her own. Ashlee brought up a good point: what if in the next town over a 15 year old girl is having a baby & giving it up for adoption that is perfect for this couple, but they are going to miss out on the best thing ever because of pure stubbornness?!?!? Seriously, if all of the signs say "Go Back" "Wrong Way" "Do Not Enter" are you still going to proceed that way? NO. That would be stupid. Its like driving the wrong way on the freeway.

I totally understand wanting to have a baby of your own, I really do. IDK, maybe I'm just a haughty-taughty bitch who is way too opinionated for my own good. I obviously don't know these ladies personally. And I've NEVER been faced with the type of decisions that they are having to make. But if you're not able to do it naturally, the way that God, The Universe or the Powers That Be and let's not forget Mother Nature have intended, then there's probably a good reason that its not happening!

Time to get off my high horse. I'm interested to know, what do you guys think?

Is it Norris' or Norri? No matter, there can only be 1!

2009-06-10T10:20:00.000-07:00

One day, while being VERY productive at work, Ashlee and I stumbled upon the coolest website EVER and thus a love affair began! Its a website dedicated to Chuck Norris facts. Hours of hilarity and amusement ensued. And if you know either of us, you'd know that we now work at least 1 Chuck Norris fact into our conversation a day. Of course, our DH and BF think we are complete re-re's. In fact, I'm pretty sure that they are secretly plotting to have Ashlee and I committed.....separate rooms of course! LOL

These are some of our favorites. Check out the website and let us know which ones tickle your fancy!

If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris still has more money than you.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the World and punch himself in the back of the head.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Chuck Norris CAN believe its not butter.
Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.
Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Cesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his mother's womb.
Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
The Bible was originally titled "Chuck Norris and Friends"

And our personal favorite:

When Chuck Norris looks in the mirror nothing appears. There can never be a second Chuck Norris!

Steve got his cherry popped this weekend!

2009-06-08T13:16:00.000-07:00

This weekend I had the pleasure of popping Steve's cherry....tattoo cherry that is!!! Okay, so I didn't actually do the work, but I got to go and watch him have it done. It was the most awesome thing ever. I've never actually witnessed someone get a tattoo, let alone their first one. Awww, I love that feeling. Scared, nervous, excited. The cold leather of the tattoo chair as you sit down with the stencil applied....and then the hum of the gun starts up. There's no turning back now...partly because you don't want to look like a pansy in front of the 300 lb burly and might I add, heavily inked artist. (They don't ALL look like Kat!) The pain is mixed with pleasure and your body is transformed right before your eyes. Instant addiction!!! And a rather spendy one, I might add.

I'm sure, or at least I hope, that Steve will post his experience on his blog. All I can say about mine is that the adrenaline is electric! Its funny after we were done and walking out of the 7*Deuce, Steve remarked that he can't wait for another one. I think I've created a monster! If you are ever in Federal Way and itching for new ink, these guys are great! Joey did both of our tats and I can't wait to go back! Now onto the pictures!!!

Steve's tattoo.

He got my bite mark tattooed

onto his upper left chest. It looks freaking real!!

Just looking at it, makes you say "ouch". And that's

exactly what he was going for. Not too bad

considering that Joey did it freehand....that's right, Steve didn't

know what it would look like before getting started. (sucker!)

My latest addition.

Its the Kanji for "Mother"

Each of the stars represents our kids

via their favorite colors.

With the last one left blank for any future

additions to the family!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY P MAN!

2009-05-22T09:33:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow, P-Man turns 4!!! The time has flown by. I can still remember what I was doing 4 years ago today getting ready for his arrival. 27 hours of labor & 4 hours of hard pushing later, he was here. So here's a quick look back at how he's changed in 4 years.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PRESTON!!!

7 months preggo.

1 day old. our first day home.

1 year old. Funny I don't remember

him being so fat. LOL

Christmas 2008.

My Lil Man all grown up!

Damn its good to be a gangsta!

2009-05-15T12:54:00.000-07:00

Its pretty quiet in the office today. Ashlee and I are working and talking off and on, listening to the radio, reading blogs. The typical Friday...err daily routine. So this song comes on the "old school" lunch and I start singing along. Without even realizing that I'm doing it and to my amazement, I actually remembered the words. So I start busting out "One, two, three and to the fo'. Snoop Doggy Dogg and Dr. Dre is at the do'.......Ain't nothing but a G thang, baaaaabay!" Ashlee starts cracking up and tells me that I'm so gangsta. Which brings us to the conversation, what would are gangsta names be? Well being the unimaginative, white girls that we are, we come up with lame ass stuff. Like AssHass for Ashlee (her maiden name was Ashlee Hasselman)So then I remember once an app that was going around Myspace that gave you a gangsta name. Go to my favorite site...Google and sure enough there is a site that will give you a gangsta name. And there goes any productivity that we had.

I go first. Type in my name and wham....I'm now Mad Murderer. Which we immediately changed to Mad M. And as Ashlee pointed out, "Mad M" sounds like "Madame" and is gangsta and "naughty" all at the same time. GENIUS!!

Ashlee is next. Type in her name and wham....She's now "Bling-Bling Genius". Which we shortened to "Bling-Bling". And if you ask me, is A LOT better then AssHass!!

I decide that this is just TOO much fun and we plug in Bling-Bling's DH's name, Brandon. He is now "Annoying Thug" We start busting up. Its actually really fitting, cuz when Brandon starts acting gangsta it really is annoying. Despite what he may think, he has NO mad rhymes!

Ashlee then says that we should see what Steve's gangsta name would be...da da da da! Steve is now "Crazy Offender". IDK why, but this made us laugh even more.

*wipes tear from eye* awwww good times. So give it a try then lemme know, what's your gangsta name? Keep it real, yo! (See I'm already taking like a gangsta! NOT)

Happy Mother's Day!! (a day late)

2009-05-11T13:48:00.001-07:00

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY TO THE GREATEST (SINGLE) MOM

IN THE WORLD!!!

As told by me in a 1000 words~

(me, my brother and my mom)

Eat your heart out, Ladies

2009-05-08T16:00:00.000-07:00

I hate to gloat, but I'm gonna. Steven just had Star Gazer Lilies delivered to my office...just because. These are my ALL TIME favorite flowers. Thus going to prove that I have the BEST BF on the face of the Planet!!!! You can all hate me now! =p

April showers bring May flowers

2009-05-08T09:48:00.000-07:00

It seems that no matter where you turn, there is bad news every where. From the economy, unemployment rates, the fires in Santa Barbara, death, destruction, etc, etc, etc. Even I myself have had negatives in my life recently. Both my Father and Grandfather have been seriously ill, I only get to see my son 50% of the time now and I'm a statistic (divorced, single mother). There is one thing I have learned though and that's negative thoughts and energy only bring more negative thoughts and energy. While yes, there will always continue to be negativity in the World, I'm not going to focus on it anymore. I'm going to stop this "circle of sadness" I'm choosing to focus on the positive!

And a HUGE "thank you" to Day for helping me to see the light. It was only after reading Day's blog yesterday that I started to see things in a different light. So here are the things that I'm thankful for. (In no particular order)

I have a happy, healthy son who loves me and who I love without boundaries or limits.
I have the most awesome, perfect boyfriend on the face of the planet who accepts me for who I am with all of my idiosyncrasies (and believe me, there are A LOT!!) and spoils me rotten!
I have a job. (Albeit, it may suck some days, but I'm happy to be working)
I have family and friends who genuinely love and care about me no matter how screwed up I may be.
I have a roof over my head.
I'm no longer living off my credit cards and thus in that vicious cycle of credit card debt!
I'm still friends with my ex-husband and we have our son's best interests and well being at heart.
I have reconnected with some really great friends from high school, that I lost contact with years ago.
I got rid of and will continue to rid myself of cancerous relationships.
I am finally finding my true self after I forgot who I was for SO many years.

I could go on and on about things that I'm thankful for. What about you? How are the "flowers" in your garden doing?

Parenting FAIL

2009-05-06T15:49:00.000-07:00

When I saw this my jaw hit the floor and I was speechless....I KNOW!!! Crazy. When don't I have something to say?!?! Due to my lack of words, today's post is courtesy of Steve via our email exchange!

IG: If I ever think I'm a bad parent, all I have to do is look at this and then I feel better about myself. =D

SB: LOL even WE aren't that bad!

IG: Did you notice the 2 different shoes?!?! LOL

SB: Yeah that's just weird.

IG: Although IDK, after yesterday, I'm pretty sure we're going to Hell in a GIANT hand basket!!! Poor Erna! =D

SB: Here's the commentary on the picture that was goin on in my head:

BadGirl95: "which shoes should I wear to "work" tonight, Babe?"

LilPimp: "Lunch?"

BigPimp85: "Hold on lemme take a picture for your craigslist ad"

LilPimp: "Lunch?"
BadGirl95: "okay - That is hawt"
LilPimp: "Ummm...Lunch?"
BigPimp85: "There perfect, U'll make lots of $ tonight."
LilPimp: "okay, not funny to tease the kid....Lunch."
BadGirl95: "I'm excited about my "career"!"
LilPimp: "I'm waiting! Lunch?"
BigPimp85: "Yo, my werk is done, I'm going to play xbox. Make me a sammich!"

People are McLoons!

2009-04-28T09:27:00.000-07:00

Some days I just hate working in insurance. ESPECIALLY when I have to deal with dum people. Why can't the loonies wait until after I've at least had my Grande white chocolate mocha with an extra shot before they call?!? But oh no!! They have to call me bright and early at 9am!

Here's a little background on said McLooney: one of our insureds, a 21 year old girl, was pulling into a parking spot at McDonald's, cut the turn too tight and clipped the other vehicles McMirror. So our insured says that she'll pay for the McDamage. A whopping $300. No biggie. Well apparently this wasn't happening fast enough for Miss McLooney and McLooney decides to call our office to turn in a claim. Here's how my conversation went with her.

McLooney: I called you yesterday. Why isn't my damage fixed yet?!?

Me: I spoke with our client and she is going to call the body shop and pay for your damage.

McLooney: Well I hope it happens quick. I have to drive back to Arizona on Friday. I don't know how it works in Washington, but as soon as I cross the state line, I'm going to get zapped with a $2000 ticket for not having a driver's side mirror.

Me: o_O (Do they have a sensor at the state line that tells them that you don't have a mirror).

McLooney: You need to get this taken care of. As soon as I cross the state line and have to go through the border patrol they are going to pull me over and give me a ticket.

Me: *crickets* (Where the fuck, do you live?!? Border patrol? From CA to AZ, really?!?!)

McLooney: Then as soon as I get through the border patrol, the State Police are going to pull me over and give me another ticket.

Me: o_O (Thank goodness Guantanamo Bay is closing or I'm sure they would throw you in there).

McLooney: I'm going to tell the border patrol that it's all Washington State's fault that I don't have a mirror.

Me: (Yes, because it was the STATE that hit your vehicle) I understand, the client said she will call the body shop and have it taken care of. Anything else I can help you with (like a lobotomy)?

Seriously!! Where the fuck do we live? I didn't realize that you had to go through border patrol crossing state lines! When did that happen? Did I miss the memo? Is Arizona now its own separate country?!?! Or for that matter, are we at war with Arizona?!?! Go back to Arizona you Loon. I think all that Arizona sun causes brain damage!

Hello, Betty Ford???

2009-04-23T09:27:00.001-07:00

Let's get one thing straight right off the bat, that is NOT a picture of me!! Although, that has been me at some point, ESPECIALLY when camping. Let's be honest, there is NOTHING to do while camping except drink and smack the mosquitoes. But camping is not the subject of my post. I'm going to stop drinking! *waits for faithful followers to get up off floor* Yes you all read it correctly. But in case you missed it the first time or for those slower readers: I-AM-GOING-TO-STOP-DRINKING. And NO! I'm not having a "stupid baby". (Although Congrats to Tyrone over at TT who just popped out yet another stupid baby!)

I'm just getting tired of it all. I just turned 34 and let's all be honest, while it was fun to be the crunked obnoxious girl, flashing everyone while standing on the table at 21, its not so cute at 34! I'm tired of after about 3 drinks turning into a Jekyll and Hyde, Banshee wailing, Jaeger-shooting Zombie that doesn't remember shyt then picking fights with everyone I come in contact with, including my sweet Steven. It sucks and its not fair!!! So, I'm taking a break. I'm giving myself 2 weeks. At the end of the 2 weeks, Daylene is having her 30th birthday at a wine shop. So of course I will have to partake...responsibly, of course!!

Here are some things that have happened to me in the last few days since I've stopped drinking:

01). I now forget where I left my car. Seriously, Wednesday morning I woke up and I couldn't for the life of me remember where I parked my car!

10). I have cut my legs shaving. I haven't cut myself shaving since I was 13!

11). I have managed to drop my hairbrush in the toilet.

100). I have stubbed my toe countless times while stumbling around in my bedroom. Even sober, I still have no equilibrium!

101). I have managed to burn several fingers on my flat-iron.

110). I have headaches.

111). I can't concentrate and ironic as it is, I feel like a Zombie....Hmmm.

1000). I have started counting in binary! ARGH!!!

1001). Its not as much fun to watch the Stanley Cup playoffs while drinking Gatorade. I'm a spectator damn it NOT a participant!!!

On the positive, I'm hoping to lose weight. Like A LOT of weight in the next couple of weeks. In the meantime I'm going to have to find a new hobby. And I guess I'm going to have to start using actual weights to work out my biceps since I won't be doing 12 oz curls anymore!

Wish me luck. And if you have any ideas for hobbies, PLEASE let me know!!!

Miss Texty McTexterson

2009-04-22T10:26:00.000-07:00

For giggles today, I looked at my cell phone statement. Usually I just pay the bill on line and don't bother to look at my usage, but today curiosity killed the cat. I scroll down to the text message part....still scrolling....still scrolling...almost there...painting my nails...they are dry now...go straighten my hair...finish watching the Star Wars Trilogy (4-6 of course. 1-3 sucked ass and were a complete waste of time and money. IMHO)...write my dissertation on Global Warming....ah finally done! "HOLY SHYT!!!" I yelled.

Me: Ashlee, guess how many texts I had last month, incoming and outgoing?

Ashlee: Ummm, 5000

Me: Close, 4429. Holy shit!!

Ashlee: You are seriously worse then my teenage cousin. I bet they are all to Steve too, huh? Seriously, you guys text all day, email all day, what the hell do you have to talk about at night.?

Me: We don't talk. We just usually have sex. Seriously though, its not all to Steve. Some are my Mom and that damn Twitter!

For more giggles (and out of sure boredom), we decided to do a little math. Here's the break down of my texts:

Monthly-4429

Daily-158.1785714 (we'll round up and just say 158.18)

Hourly-6.59 (of course that's in a 24 hour period and I'm usually asleep about 9 hours/night so that makes the number more like 10.55)

Per-minute- .1098 (using the hourly amount of 6.59)

Monthly charge for texts figuring $.10 per text= a whopping $442.90.

Thank Goddess for unlimited text. Screw you T-Mobile, screw you!!! *evil laughter*

You say "Bitch" like its a bad thing!

2009-04-17T15:30:00.000-07:00

It was brought to my attention last night by my Dear BF that I've been a bitch lately. As if I, of all people, am capable of being a bitch! *ROFL* Yeah, sorry, even I couldn't type that with a straight face. But I mean come on, who isn't entitled to a little bitch time? A little PMS time? A little I'm-going-to-knock-out-the-next-fucker-that-breathes time? Its not like I was being a complete Douche Bag like someone we all know!....ok maybe on some level I was. *shrugs* Anyhow, the point of me telling you that, is to tell you this: Sorry, if I've been a bit bitchy lately. I've had some major shyt going on in my life lately and it just sucks. See, I live in WA all by myself. I have no family around. The only things keeping me here are my BF and my Son...well and the fact that being 800 miles away from my Mother keeps me sane most days! Recently though, "life" has been happening to my family. I'm starting to realize that people I love are getting older and may not be around forever as I once thought and perhaps, took for granted.

My (maternal) Grandfather lives in the Bay Area. I have an amazing relationship with my Grandfather. I'm the first grandchild and the first girl...who wouldn't love me. We enjoy watching NASCAR with each other and arguing with each other over whether the restrictor plate was a good rule or not. And I LOVE hearing about his stories of growing up in Kentucky in a 1 room log cabin. But lately he hasn't been doing so well. He's been in and out of the hospital no less than 9 times so far this year. He has emphysema and it isn't getting better. In fact, the last time he was in the hospital, the doctors told him there was nothing more they could do. IDK what that means or more importantly how much time that means, but it sucks to high Hell!!! And it sucks being stuck in this shyt whole of a state not being able to do anything!!! Fuck you WA. FUCK YOU!!!! On the positive note, I am going down to visit my Grandparents with Master P in about 2 weeks. I just hope I'm not too late. =(

So then last night, I get home from my 4 mile walk/run workout and I get a call from my Dad. Holy shyt. My heart just dropped because 01) my Dad NEVER calls me 10) my Dad never calls me at 10 at night, he's usually in bed at 7 and 11) I have a younger brother who is 5 and has Downs Syndrome. You can imagine my shock. My step-mom, Diane called to tell me that my Dad was in the hospital. WTF?!?! Not only that but the ICU. Apparently his intestine had ruptured a few days back and being the stubborn 'ol coot that he is (which I'm NOTHING like! yeah right), ignored it. He was slowly poisoning himself to death until he finally couldn't take it anymore. He had emergency surgery and is going to be ok, but will be down for a while. I have never known my Dad to be sick or to not work. This is going to kill him! And now I have to schedule a flight to Reno, where my Dad lives. Fuck you WA. FUCK YOU!!!!!!!

It would be so nice if everyone were in the same place. At least then I could visit everyone at the same time, but life is rarely easy or convenient. And when it is, you know a shyt storm is brewing! Oh and in other news, my divorce was final on March 20th and my Mother-In-Law passed away on March 22nd. (I think she was just holding on long enough to see us get divorced!!) Sorry, but so far 2009 has started out rather craptastic in the Irish household.

Let's see...anything else...oh yeah. My biological clock is going off likes its 6:30 am on a Monday morning. Its driving me nuts!! Hmmm, maybe I should stop reading all the TTC blogs that Ashlee got me addicted to! ARGH!!!!

Warning! Eruption in 5..4..3..whoops!!

2009-04-08T16:09:00.000-07:00

I'm guest blogging over on Steve's site today as part of my glorious Super Bowl bet win. Check it out!! http://geekswithblogs.net/sbargelt/archive/2009/04/08/warning-eruption-in-5.4.3.whoops.aspx

Move over Anthony Kiedis!

2009-04-06T14:58:00.000-07:00

My son is the funniest damn person on Earth!!! I was giving him a bath this weekend and he was playing with his blue loofah. He asked me what the string on it was for. So I told him its so we can hang the loofah up when he was done and it would dry. Master P then proceeds to stand up on the bath and try to hang it off his....junk. Yup!!! I laughed so hard I nearly peed my pants. Seeing my reaction only kept making him do it again and again.

Fast forward: Master P is getting dressed. Being almost 4 he prides himself in dressing himself. O_o OK, that's redundant! Anyhow, he's great at it. He even matches it pants to his shirt and his socks to the whole outfit. Better than most grown men I know. Back to the story. So, I'm puttering around the apartment getting stuff ready and he walks out. He says "Mommy, I'm ready". I turn around and nearly fall over. He has a shirt on and his sock. Yes 1 sock...on his junk!!! I try to compose myself and ask him why he doesn't have pants on. The conversation went something like this.

IG: P, where are your pants?

MP: I don't want to wear pant.

IG: You need to wear pants. You don't want everyone to see your wee and Mr. No-Butt. (Seriously, the kid has no-butt).

MP: They won't. That's why I put the sock on my wee!

I couldn't argue with that! Gotta love boys!!

Go Shorty, its my Birfday!

2009-04-04T16:34:00.001-07:00

We had my birthday party on the Saturday before my actual birfday. I don't remember much, so it must've been a damn good party. I THINK I'm NOW really good friends with my downstairs neighbors and someone got shanked (Sorry, George!). That's how we roll in da hood! So since I can't really tell you much other then there was A LOT of food and A LOT of wine...enjoy the pictures!!!

St. George giving me my first shot of the night.

She's now known as the Grim Reaper since

I think she was actually trying to

kill me.

Yes, Ashlee actually got me to dip my

egg roll in my glass of Boudreaux wine.

Party foul on my part, but damn it

was tasty!!

Me about to shank someone with

the cheese knife!! (Sorry, George!)

Steve pulling shots from the bottle.
And the Grim Reaper assisting!

St George doing Jaeger bombs!

Day and Ashlee. I'm not quite sure

and I really don't want to know what they

are talking about, but I'm sure we

can ALL guess!

that's 1.75 liters. YES I said liters

of Jaeger. Now you see why I said

that St. George was trying to kill me.

Perhaps one of THE BEST presents EVER!!!

Focker out!!!!

Freak Out with my Geek Out

2009-04-03T10:39:00.000-07:00

I don't really fancy myself as a Geek per say, more of a Geek Groupie. And this morning I was completely geeking out in my apartment. This weekend is the Emerald City Comicon in Seattle and one of my favorite Geeks of ALL time is going to be there....Wil Wheaton!! *squeal* And in case none of you know who Wil Wheaton is....first of all, let me say SHAME ON YOU!!! Secondly, let me remind you. He played Gordie Lachance in Stand By Me, Wesley Crusher on Star Trek: The Next Generation and a ton of other stuff that would take up my entire post to list. To say I had a HUGE crush on Wil when I was a tween is a major understatement. Picture tear outs from Tiger Beat magazine covering my locker, bedroom walls and ceiling!!

Anyhow, I stalk...err...I mean follow his blog and Twitter updates and found out that he was going to be doing a morning talk show this morning in Seattle on KISW. Actually, props to BF for texting me and reminding me that he was on. It was amazing. I don't even remember what they were talking about, but every time Wil mentioned hockey, playing hockey, watching hockey, or anything geeky, I would freak out. I got giddy like a school girl and I got a funny-tingly feeling in my no-no parts!!! I just LOVE the fact that he can go from talking about a recent podcast about D&D to the LA Kings hockey and back without missing a beat...let's just say I would give up my first born to be friends with Wil. And the fact that my BF has a man crush on Wil.....Now that's a Geek Squad I'd like to watch in action!!!! *drools*

To make my day even better, I just bought Wil's shirt off shirt.woot!!! Not his actual shirt, but how friggin AWESOME would that be?!?! No, its one that he designed for shirt.woot. The bastard sold out in a couple of minutes when it was first up for sale and after stalking....err...checking daily for it, it is now available again. Imagine the high pitched squealing that was me this morning!!! *sigh* I'm still glowing after my victorious shopping trip.

Anyhow, I NEED a cold shower and to change my panties. I can't wait to go to the Comicon this weekend. (Holy Crap, did I just say that?!?!?)

Can I please speak to Mr. Behr?

2009-04-01T15:53:00.000-07:00

In case you have your head in the sand, today is April Fool's Day. As a youngster this was my and my brother's favorite day of the year. You would think that my Mom would eventually catch on but she never did. I haven't played an April Fool 's joke in YEARS, but for some reason I was feeling a little sassy today and decided to play a joke on Steve.....I'm blaming it on all of the cake I ate last night for my Bday.

Ashlee and I started to brain storm. What could we do that wouldn't be too evil or harmful or that would eventually back fire on me and have Steve break up with me? Suggestions of replacing his bottled water with vodka, replacing salt with sugar (or vice versa), telling him I would make dinner & walk in with McD's all had been mentioned. But just sounded lame and were quickly thrown out. We even thought about gum that would turn his teeth blue...too juvenile. Think, Irish, think. Ah ha! I got it!!

I sent Steve a text: "Honey. I got a call from the apt managing company and they need to talk to U. Plz call Mr. Behr at 253-591-5337."

Steve: "its a recorded message for The Point Defiance Zoo....."

me: "ha ha April Fools. Get it...Mr. Behr...zoo...bear." *still giggle over that*

Steve:"F me!! I thought they were going to say that my apartment was on fire."

me: "Honey, do you really think I would text you that the apartment was on fire?"

Steve:"Good one. You got me."

me:"get it...Mr. Behr...zoo...bear. I would've been ROFL if you had called and gotten to talk to a real person and asked to speak to Mr. Behr. ha ha....sorry I'm dumb."

And this is why I know longer do April Fool's jokes. And yes, I'm still giggling over Mr. Behr!!

Wish I could shut my Playboy mouth!

2009-03-27T14:54:00.000-07:00

I've got something to say.....just not entirely sure how to go about it. I hate having to feel like I need to keep my mouth shut when there is an injustice going on. But since I'm not directly affected or involved, its not really my place to say anything. So should I really even say anything then? I've thought about doing this as an open letter, as a "Top 10 signs", as a random list, as a story, but none of those really feel right. ARGH!! This is frustrating. I guess the best way to get things off my chest is to just say it.

YOU ARE A DOUCHE BAG!!! Plain and simple. A complete and utter douche. The fact that we share the same X chromosomes, makes me want to go have a sex change. No, really it does. I don't know how you can possibly call yourself a human, a woman or a mother for that matter. You're NONE of those. I've heard stories about women being douche bags and c*nts before, but never in my day had I actually met one. I thought it was impossible, a myth, a legend, like Bigfoot, but nope, there you are in all your shining glory. And calling you a douche bag or a c*nt is actually an insult to all the other douche bags and c*nts of the World. I would call you a twat, but frankly I like saying that word way too much and I don't want you ruining something else in the World. I swear, I have NEVER used the "C" word so much in my 33 years of life as I have in the last year!!

The funny thing.....or quite possibly the sad thing, is that you don't even see what you are doing as being wrong. HELLO!!! Everyone else in the known universe thinks you are a douche bag, how can you NOT see this? How can you NOT see that what you are doing is WRONG?!?!? You use your children as pawns. You poison them with lies and hatred. What kind of "Mother" are you? How can you be so full of hate and disdain? I'm sorry that your husband left you, but move on. It sucks...waaaaaah. Pull up your big girl panties and move the fuck on! He's NOT going back to you and the fact that you are a psycho-hose beast isn't going to make him come back. And IT'S NOT 100% HIS FAULT!!!! Oh and quit stalking our blogs...well mostly his, I can only assume that you have also linked to mine. You're insane. Stalking and then commenting on your ex's blog. WOW!! You really are delusional.

Wake up and smell the coffee. The actions that you take today is shaping your future relationships. Your children WILL grow up to hate you, if they don't already. You're going to end up old, alone and bitter and I'm going to be laughing my ass off!!! Why don't you just do everyone a favor and quit fighting a losing battle. Its going to happen whether you want it to or not. If you "loved" him so much, why didn't you fight for him earlier?? Oh and for the fucking love of fuck, QUIT giving him ultimatums. Like "if you come back, I won't do ___". It's not gonna happen Douche Bag!! He's not going back. Or better yet, maybe he should, we'll still continue to have hot raucous sex in your house. Would that make you feel better?!?! I didn't think so.

A few thoughts before I go:

GET A FUCKING JOB!!!!!

GET SOME FUCKING MEDICATION!!!!

GET A FUCKING JOB!!!! (whoops guess I said that twice.)

Wanna be my friend?

2009-03-27T12:29:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I went to my ex-Mother-In-Laws funeral. It sucked....duh. Not so much the funeral part, it was a lovely service, but the fact that I had to see the evil sister-in-laws. I haven't seen my ex's family in over a year.

A little back ground: The Bitches of East Hill are the ones that stalked my Myspace page and "ratted" me out about "talking" to Steve a last year to my then husband. I guess if its on Myspace it must be true...ok so it was true, but whateva. These "women" in their 50's don't work and have NOTHING better to do then to stalk Myspace and Face Book to get dirt on other family members. This is how boring their lives have become. Oh and I did I mention that they are constantly trying to befriend me on MS and FB? Riiiiight!

Back to my story: So its was really uncomfortable milling around the reception hall talking to the ex's family and being nicey-nice to these people that 01) I don't see very often and 11) are a contributing factor to my divorce. Then 1 of the SIL's, the fat one (she's the follower of the group. She doesn't have a single original thought of her own), comes up to me and is all "hey, its so good to see you. How have you been? We should really get together" Like she's my BFF. So I tell her "I've been great. Never better! Thanks." I turn and walk away.

Really? You want to be my friend now? Really? I thought you were a major bitch when I was "family" and had to associate with you. Now that I'm no longer part of your gossip circle you want to be my friend? Really? Why? Have you just run out of people in the family to talk about and you need fresh blood? No! Fuck you. Sorry that I've lost weight and that I'm uber happy now. Sucks that you're still fat....and a bitch. Go bother someone else you fat, unhappy troll!! And for the love of Goddess, STOP requesting me to be your "friend" on MS and FB. Its not gonna happen!!!

My crib!

2009-03-25T16:35:00.000-07:00

I'm still sick...albeit, alive, and sadly, I'm not feeling my normal witty self. So instead of going on a tyrade about what douche bags some people are (I'm saving that post for later), I thought I would finally take this chance to show you my new crib!

I've been in my apartment almost a month now and its just finally starting to feel like home. I still have a few more small touches to finish here and there. Some pictures to get up on the walls and some knick-knacks that need to find homes, but its all starting to come together. Enjoy!

My bathroom. Its pink and black and its

uber girlie. I LOVE it!!

Master P's bathroom.
Yes, the shower curtain is a
grass skirt! And the rug
is a surf board!

My kitchen. Not much happens here.
Not even sure why they gave me
one. They obviously don't
know me very well!

My uber comfy living room.
The sofa and chair are big enough
for me and Steve and even Master P
to cuddle in!

As they say on Cribs, this is where the
magic happens!
As you can see, Fred has already made

himself right at home on the bed.

This is Master P's domain.

I still have some work to do on it.

Its tough. He's 4 now. No longer a baby

but he's still a little boy.

I just kissed Criss Angel

2009-03-20T10:06:00.000-07:00

That's right bitches, I'm sick. Apparently, Ashlee and I have been spending WAY too much time kissing Criss Angel! Ashlee was home sick yesterday and I'm home sick today. At least I'm up, FINALLY dressed and out of bed. Although today I really do feel like a zombie with a shiv. Don't piss me off. You have been warned. I'm sure that today you will be inundated with blog posts. And I'm sure they won't be nice. I'm admittedly the worst sick person in the World. I'm bitchy, I whine, I cry, I pout and frankly all I want is my Mommy. Honestly, pale and clammy is NOT a good look for me. We won't even talk about the hair! LOL

I want you all to feel my pain. It all started last night. My voice is gone and my throat is sore and swollen (there goes my sex life). Then this morning, I woke up stiff and sore. Every fiber of my body hurt. Even my hair hurt. Then, I nearly fainted getting out of bed this morning. I thought that I would be a work-a-holic trooper and try to go to work today. Ha ha that lasted all of 30 seconds before I nearly fainted in the shower. And since I now live on my own, I'm sure it would've been days before one of you bitches came looking for me. (I've fallen and I can't get up!) So I crawled back in bed and slept some more. I really wish I had a good excuse for being sick today....like I drank too much Guinness and/or Jaeger, but even the thought of alcohol makes me want to go dry hump Melissa Etheridge! (BTW, props to Ashlee for all these alternative saying to "i just threw up in my mouth").

Alright, I'm going to try go eat something. Hopefully something that tastes just as good the 2nd time around. Happy F-ing Friday!

Don't say I didn't warn you!

2009-03-19T11:48:00.000-07:00

So as promised, and I ALWAYS deliver on my promises, here are pictures from our St. Patty's Day. And in talking with Steve last night, apparently while still conscience enough to beg to drive home and yet totally blacked out, I missed some hell'a good stuff. (including stuff that I did and don't remember doing) Now I know what it feels like to be a zombie...if only I had a shiv. Enjoy bitches!

our very "traditional" Irish lunch

Complete with Guinness in a paper cup

with a straw. (classy)

Steve's amazing curb parking job.

(This was before we even got to the bar)

A pack of wild cougars

the Alpha cougar

Mexican dude doing the Mexican hat dance

to a traditional Irish band

This just cracked me up, some people get

really "dressed up" to go out!

Hicks love St. Patty's Day too!

Guinness & Jaeger shots...(not so) Brilliant!!

2009-03-18T12:20:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was St. Patty's Day. And like everyone else in the World, I went out celebrating. Boy did I celebrate. My Irish spirit was in rare form yesterday.

Ashlee and I started the festivities with a traditional Irish lunch. Whopper Jr's from Burger King and Guinness. Here's where it gets ghetto. We bought the "meals", poured out the soda and filled the cup up with a bit of Black Sunshine! Yes, we drank Guinness out of a paper cup....with straws! We are a couple of classy broads.

Last night, Steve came over....with more Guinness and we polished off the last of the corned beef, cabbage and red taters that I had made on Sunday. Then we decided to go out and hit the town. Look out World here we come! We decided to go to Finnegan's (begin-again) in Renton. (I've been going to Finnegan's for years. In fact, I was going there when it was The Giant's Causeway.) They always have plenty of Guinness and Harps on tap and last night was no different! (Although I think having to pay a $20 cover each is a little steep!) Of course they had green beer. I don't even want to know what your pee looks like after drinking a pitcher of that!

We do a lap, check out the scene, laugh at what people are wearing and saddle up to the bar. Guinness and a Jameson shot for Steve. Guinness and a Jaeger shot for me.....I'm pretty sure we can ALL tell how this night is going to end up! I'm predictable if nothing else. (this ritual will be repeated 3 more times.) So inside the bar, 92.5 was playing music...Snoop Dogg, Beastie Boys, Lil Wayne, etc. Outside in the tent, they had a traditional Irish band. Imagine the confusion my brain was having trying to process what was going on. I wanted to do a hybrid dance consisting of the Cabbage Patch and a jig! Now this is where things get interesting...and YES, I will be posting pictures as soon as I download them off my camera.

Here's a quick list of random things we saw last night. A group of 5 "cougars" wearing stuff that was too young for even their grand-daughters. A Mexican guy dancing the Mexican Hat Dance to Irish fiddle music. A "cougar" hitting on a drunk old gay dude. A fat chick with massive pit stains raping her man on the dance floor. A chick with a huge ass wearing a short, tight, green skirt that I'm pretty sure came off her Barbie doll. And we become that PDA couple that can't keep their hands off each other and suck face in the corner!

It was a great night! I vaguely remember flashing the twins at Steve...twice I think. Somehow St. Patty's Day turned into Mardi Gras. Funny enough, I didn't go home with any beads....Hmmm...curious. *shrugs* Do I dare mention ending the night by hanging out of Steve's truck puking up my corned beef...whoops, guess I just did! Tasty! (no wonder my migraine from Monday is still hanging on). Like I said, I'm one classy broad. And yet, Steve still stays with me. What a guy!

*note to self: you can't go drink for drink with your BF that weighs about 100 pounds more than you do and is about a foot taller. Hmmm maybe I should just get this tattooed on me!*

Happy Birfday Tab!

2009-03-15T16:45:00.000-07:00

*I'm a little late posting this one. Sorry*

About a month ago now, maybe a little more, Ashlee, Day and myself decided to throw Tabitha a surprise birfday party. Actually we were supposed to go to Leavenworth for a girl's weekend of wine tasting and frivolousness, we were even going to wear matching outfits (yes, we're THAT gay!). Unfortunately shyt happens and we had a change of plans. So we decided to take our collective gay-ness and throw her a good ol-fashioned Graham Cracker-style birfday party, complete with a cake wreck!

Every party needs a well stocked bar.

Nothing says party like some good ol Night Train

and Boone's Farm

Tabitha...well it speaks for itself!

Macho Man doll getting "fresh" with Ashlee!

We cake wreck cuz we lurve!!

Birthday gift

2009-03-15T16:35:00.000-07:00

My birthday is coming up and I know you all are racking your brains trying to think what you can get me. So to help, I thought I would give you all a list to shop from. I'm a simple Irishgirl really and there's only 1 thing on my list this year! Happy shopping!

The Audi TT Roadster.

Conveniently available at your local Costco!

Friday Funnies

2009-03-13T15:37:00.000-07:00

Ashlee emailed me this picture and all she said was "you're welcome". The conversation that followed went something like this:

Me: Ummm, its a thong.....on a car...what's the point??

Ashlee: Why do you want an explanation?

Me: Its a THONG on a CAR!!

Ashlee: Exactly. What's the point of thongs anyhow? Maybe it didn't want its underwear lines to show.

Me: *giggle hysterically*

Hmmm, in hindsight, maybe not that funny, but after a bottle of wine, Ashlee and I are cracking ourselves up. We are our best audience! =D

*on a side note: thank God the security cameras in the office don't have sound or I'm pretty sure we would be institutionalized by now!*

Want some candy Lil Girl?!?!

2009-03-13T09:30:00.000-07:00

A bit of eye candy for your Friday. These pix come courtesy of Ashlee and Day.

The saying goes: a picture is worth a thousand words, well I could only come up with one when I saw these: "YUMMY"!!! Followed by TONS of drool!! (sorry about your desk Ashlee) Happy Friday All!!

Its a Girl!!!

2009-03-10T09:45:00.001-07:00

I would like to introduce everyone to my daughter, Courtney Jean. She was born on December 25th, weighing in at a very healthy 16lbs, 4oz and 21 inches. Yes, I said 16lbs!!! She has black hair and green eyes. Naturally, you are probably asking yourselves "who's the Baby's Daddy?" Well... *drum roll* The Mailman! You read correct, I said the mailman!!! I know! I was shocked too, especially since our "mailman" is a Samoan Woman!

Ok, so not really. Ashlee found this hilarious (at least we find the humor in it) "pregnancy tester" on line and we couldn't help ourselves, we had to try it. Try it for yourselves and let me know who your Baby's Daddy is! http://www.thepregnancytester.com/

Gotta run. My little line-backer is hungry and must be fed!!!